Anyone else get married and had no idea what your spouses salary was at the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow folks. I find it boggling that you didn't discuss something so important. It doesn't matter if $& is 15k or 200k, but knowing is very important to be able to budget and plan.

+1

Bizarre. How can you we'd someone for life in the absence of having this information?

[Anonymous]

*wed*

[Anonymous]

All these posters saying they don't know are just fooling themselves. Of course you know. You can guess pretty easily, even if you don't know the EXACT amount.

You'd notice if he had trouble paying the bills. You'd notice if he couldn't pay the check at a restaurant. You notice where he lives, where he works, what he wears, and what he drives.

By your logic I don't know DH's salary either. Because seriously, who can remember exactly how much money someone else makes? But I sure know how much he contributes to our household and what our spending limits are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

You'd be surprised. People get married young and don't know that there are certain conversations you should have. The pre marriage counseling you have to do before a religious ceremony? They don't cover this. insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

You'd be surprised. People get married young and don't know that there are certain conversations you should have. The pre marriage counseling you have to do before a religious ceremony? They don't cover this. insane.

It's not something to be proud of, like some badge of honor for being so unconditionally in love - it is a sign of bad planning and sheer stupidity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

You'd be surprised. People get married young and don't know that there are certain conversations you should have. The pre marriage counseling you have to do before a religious ceremony? They don't cover this. insane.

It's not something to be proud of, like some badge of honor for being so unconditionally in love - it is a sign of bad planning and sheer stupidity.

Oh yes absolutely. I am the pp you quoted - no badge of honor implied! I'm long divorced and recovered from my sheer stupidity! At least this particular stupidity.

[Anonymous]

People in DC marry much older when HHI is a major consideration in readiness for marriage. I can totally see two 23 years olds not having a discussion about money prior to marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

NP here. Nope, me either. I made (stupid) assumptions. No, we still haven't set financial goals together. We bank together (sort of). The more people talk the less I think I've done my marriage right.

We were like this too. Far from the worst thing we did. It took us years to agree on all sorts of things. Fortunately, she was frugal, so i could save up for a house.

[Anonymous]

I could ballpark but I don't know still what my DH makes exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

We don't really bank together - we each have our own savings account, and we have a joint account for household/child expenses. Sure, we set financial goals together. We can talk about savings, purchases, plans, investments, etc. but I don't need to know his salary to have those discussions. I don't know or care how much he has in his savings account, nor he mine. I realize that's not the approach most couple take, but it works for us.

Do you have children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

You'd be surprised. People get married young and don't know that there are certain conversations you should have. The pre marriage counseling you have to do before a religious ceremony? They don't cover this. insane.

Our pre-marriage counseling did cover this, perhaps not as thoroughly as would be best but it at least raised the issue (although we'd already discussed it so for us it wasn't needed)

[Anonymous]

We met in college, got our first jobs at the same time and lived together after about 3 months of knowing each other. I knew his income, I even knew whrn he picked his nose.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know when I married my XH. I had no idea he was largely bankrolled by his mother.

My fiance and I work for the same employer. I knew what he made before he proposed. It didn't shape my decision, but I appreciate that he thought it was important that we tell each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could you not? I honestly don't understand. Don't you set financial goals together? Have a budget? Bank together? How would this be possible?

You'd be surprised. People get married young and don't know that there are certain conversations you should have. The pre marriage counseling you have to do before a religious ceremony? They don't cover this. insane.

Our pre-marriage counseling did cover this, perhaps not as thoroughly as would be best but it at least raised the issue (although we'd already discussed it so for us it wasn't needed)

Pre-Cana covered financial goals and a budget, but never asked where the money came from. My ex-husband was deceptive about his income sources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously?? Yes, I knew what his salary was. He knew what my salary was. We knew how much money we each had saved, what debt we had (just the mortgage on his house). Did you just completely ignore the financial side of life when you got married?

+1 We sat down and reviewed income, savings, student loans, and mortgages. We talked about our financial goals and how we would handle money matters when we were married (bank accounts, etc.) Actually, I think our pre-Cana counseling touched on this, too, along with family, children, household chores, careers, friends, and the other big issues.