Please settle money dispute. Sahm that made some extra cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If DH has to work two jobs to make ends meet, it doesn't sound like you're in a position to have any "play" money. All money earned by all parties should go to family expenses.

This. Jesus, you are home all day and the poor guy is beating his ass. You should have taken that $209 and given it to him to blow on something luxurious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

This takes the cake for most ignorant statement of the week on DCUM. This mentality is why most kids are in trouble by high school. Drugs, alcohol, sex, habitual lying, etc.

The kids are NOT alright, you fool.

Too bad statistics do nest support your idiotic statements. Drug use , alcohol, and sex span ALL work status. Outcomes for daycare kids are exactly the same as kids with a parent at home. Sorry, but it's not that important and is exactly why it doesn't command top dollar. Parents are THE single biggest influencer on their kids and quality parenting trumps work status.

You are the fool. Separate emotion from fact. Don't be such a dumb emotionally silly woman. Planet earth had reached dumb woman quota.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If DH has to work two jobs to make ends meet, it doesn't sound like you're in a position to have any "play" money. All money earned by all parties should go to family expenses.

This. Jesus, you are home all day and the poor guy is beating his ass. You should have taken that $209 and given it to him to blow on something luxurious.

agreed. The husband is right. If he's working a second job to put food on the table, you don't get to spend the money you make from YOUR only (part time job) on frivolous crap.

[Anonymous]

op, let me be the dissenting voice here. is this a regular gig or a one time deal? sounds like a one time deal, and if that is true, I would think it would be fine to find a way to enjoy some of the cash as a perk for yourself. SAHM on a tight budget is not all bons bons and fun activities. is there a way you can kill two birds with one stone, ie, instead of a shirt, can you buy something that benefits the house as a whole? bad example, but let me use it anyway: a breadmaker, which could be used for the household good, abut activity with your child, etc? try to make a win win of it... to echo some of the other comments, get more creative about your finances. you sound like you are in a stalemate with your husband, who cl sounds legitimately tired. can you give him some massages and make special dinners, maybe prestock some extra dinners that can go in the freezer, so you don't have to worry about your family's nutritional situation when you are notthere? in any case, you need to find your way out ofnthis black and white / binary power struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a sahm to an 8 month old. Since being out of work we have cut back on basically all uneccesary spending. We are by no means in the poor house but Dh has an extra part time job and has me use that money for groceries and every day expenses. He will occasionally "let" me buy a shirt or something for myself but we are talking under $30. I found a small gig that paid around $200 and thought it would be nice to have some play/spending money that I wouldn't have to feel guilty about spending. But now dh is pissed that I'm not using that money towards the bills or groceries etc. I just don't think it's fair. His arguement is that his second job goes towards the household which is true but I've never said he couldn't spend it on something for himself. I even offered to split it half and half but still that wasn't good enough. So now I have this money that I feel like a criminal for spending and am wondering who's right.

This entire thing makes me want to stick my kid in daycare so I can get a job and spend whatever the eff I want on myself but I know that's not how it works either and it would make our lives more difficult since I didn't have a high paying career before anyway.

are you 12?

You think working a full time job entitles you to spend the money on whatever the hell you want, and not household bills?

[Anonymous]

I think you would be happier going back to work. Being a SAHM is not all that when money is super tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the budget is that tight, you need to work. You and your DH need to work as a team. Put ALL the money into the same pot and budget each person some walking around money, pin money or "me money- whatever you call it. It can be very small if that is the budget. You also need to agree on what that money covers.

+1 totally agree and I'm a SAHM.

That's not to say that OP's husband doesn't have some control issues or that money is mostly fine, but he wants to work more to make more. No matter the scenario, agreeing to the one pot approach would put you on a level playing field. If he doesn't want to spend his portion, that's fine.

I think it's unhealthy to have to ask and account for every last cent, unless it's really necessary. (At our house, there was a time when it was really necessary and we were accountable to each other) And it's also not good for OP's husband to be the gatekeeper for every penny. Resentment all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If DH has to work two jobs to make ends meet, it doesn't sound like you're in a position to have any "play" money. All money earned by all parties should go to family expenses.

I was confused by your statement that you're not in the poorhouse but then going on to say that your husband works a second job to pay for groceries and is anxious about buying a $30 shirt.

Would you be able to get a night job or weekend job so he doesn't have to work two jobs and avoid paying for childcare?
It sounds like you need to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

This takes the cake for most ignorant statement of the week on DCUM. This mentality is why most kids are in trouble by high school. Drugs, alcohol, sex, habitual lying, etc.

The kids are NOT alright, you fool.

Too bad statistics do nest support your idiotic statements. Drug use , alcohol, and sex span ALL work status. Outcomes for daycare kids are exactly the same as kids with a parent at home. Sorry, but it's not that important and is exactly why it doesn't command top dollar. Parents are THE single biggest influencer on their kids and quality parenting trumps work status.

You are the fool. Separate emotion from fact. Don't be such a dumb emotionally silly woman. Planet earth had reached dumb woman quota.

It IS menial labor, in the sense that it doesn't require specialized skill or intelligence to parent. A 16 year old teen mom high school drop out can be a good parent. It isn't a put down, it's just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Parenting and staying at home is a lifestyle choice. It is not a job or employment. I don't get how people claim parenting is work. If it is too much for you, don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If DH has to work two jobs to make ends meet, it doesn't sound like you're in a position to have any "play" money. All money earned by all parties should go to family expenses.

Exactly.

When you are a grown up with kids, and you are living on a budget, things like new clothes just because and manicures go by the wayside.

You might have a leg to stand on if you were needing an outfit for an event, but "me" money? No way. You are being selfish and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

This takes the cake for most ignorant statement of the week on DCUM. This mentality is why most kids are in trouble by high school. Drugs, alcohol, sex, habitual lying, etc.

The kids are NOT alright, you fool.

Too bad statistics do nest support your idiotic statements. Drug use , alcohol, and sex span ALL work status. Outcomes for daycare kids are exactly the same as kids with a parent at home. Sorry, but it's not that important and is exactly why it doesn't command top dollar. Parents are THE single biggest influencer on their kids and quality parenting trumps work status.

You are the fool. Separate emotion from fact. Don't be such a dumb emotionally silly woman. Planet earth had reached dumb woman quota.

It IS menial labor, in the sense that it doesn't require specialized skill or intelligence to parent. A 16 year old teen mom high school drop out can be a good parent. It isn't a put down, it's just the way it is.

Hence, The Hell of American Daycare. Indeed, you certainly can have poor care at daycare or at home. It depends on the person providing the care. Is that person stable, competent and loving? That is what builds a solid foundation during the early foundation years of your child's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

Um, what? Infant care at a center in the outer burbs costs at least $350 a week. So, send the baby to a center, and they get $350 a week. Leave the baby home with mom, she gets zero.

Let's say her tax rate is 15 percent. She could go to work for $10/hr working 40 hours a week and earn $400, just enough to pay for daycare. Net benefit = zero. But maybe she can get a job that pays $15 an hour. Now she's making $510 a week after taxes. Net benefit = $110. Is it worth it? Really?

Or, she could get a part-time evening job and husband can stay home in the evenings. I'm not sure what kind of part-time gig he's got, but maybe switching things up like that every year or so would be a good idea, at least so that the baby gets to spend more time with dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

This takes the cake for most ignorant statement of the week on DCUM. This mentality is why most kids are in trouble by high school. Drugs, alcohol, sex, habitual lying, etc.

The kids are NOT alright, you fool.

Too bad statistics do nest support your idiotic statements. Drug use , alcohol, and sex span ALL work status. Outcomes for daycare kids are exactly the same as kids with a parent at home. Sorry, but it's not that important and is exactly why it doesn't command top dollar. Parents are THE single biggest influencer on their kids and quality parenting trumps work status.

You are the fool. Separate emotion from fact. Don't be such a dumb emotionally silly woman. Planet earth had reached dumb woman quota.

It IS menial labor, in the sense that it doesn't require specialized skill or intelligence to parent. A 16 year old teen mom high school drop out can be a good parent. It isn't a put down, it's just the way it is.

Trrrrrrooooolllllllllll

[Anonymous]

Raising a child well does actually take a lot of work, a strong grasp of child development, never ending patience, the ability to tolerate being home alone with no adults to talk to day after day, an understanding of nutrition, and so much more.