Boyfriend may (not?) be leaving country , return unknown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would be his reaction if you told him you want to move with him to Brazil? Sometimes relationships that have a known end date seem to be perfect but it's because one of the parties knows it's about to end.
I would not follow him to Brazil unless you know he's as crazy about you as you are for him.[/quote)


Wise words here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would be his reaction if you told him you want to move with him to Brazil? Sometimes relationships that have a known end date seem to be perfect but it's because one of the parties knows it's about to end.
I would not follow him to Brazil unless you know he's as crazy about you as you are for him.

This is a good question. He probably wouldn't be thrilled but mainly because I have a good (even if stressful) job here and Brazil's economy is not doing well. He's concerned with him going back in that sense as well. He's also hoping to get into a phd program in the fall, so he's not necessarily planning to be gone long term. So it wouldn't make sense to leave right now.

Not sure when phd programs reply to candidates -- he thinks perhaps February ?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

He has officially been approved to stay for the spring, and will be leaving in early June. Waiting to hear about phD programs. I've calmed down a lot since he's staying, but I know I have a lot to deal with.

Thanks for all the support and honest and real advice, it was much needed.

[Anonymous]

If it is love, he should take the financial hit and pay back the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is love, he should take the financial hit and pay back the money.

It's 100,000$ - and we are in an expensive place. I don't know if I'd want him to try to do that. At that point id consider the distance or moving there temporarily. I am a romantic at heart and understand the sentiment, but I think all implications have to be considered.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is love, he should take the financial hit and pay back the money.

It's 100,000$ - and we are in an expensive place. I don't know if I'd want him to try to do that. At that point id consider the distance or moving there temporarily. I am a romantic at heart and understand the sentiment, but I think all implications have to be considered.

-OP

I would pay it. Many people have higher student loans. You are making this more complicated than it needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Btw, ask any Brazilian, they cheat. All of them. It is extremely common. We are very close with a bunch of Brazilians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btw, ask any Brazilian, they cheat. All of them. It is extremely common. We are very close with a bunch of Brazilians.

OP here. I don't think he will cheat. I guess that's a risk I have to take.

[Anonymous]

OP, the 2-year residency requirement is a bitch! But hey, he knew what he signed up for.

Before I married DH, I was the one subject to the requirement. He may try to go for a waiver, but his chances are slim to none. It really boils down to your relationship. He is the man. It's his job to pursue you, not the other way around. (Yes, ladies and gents, please forgive my un-American views on this.) If he wants to be with you, he'll figure it out.

If I were in your shoes, I'd expect this guy to marry me and take me to Brazil for two years, or longer if we liked it there. My two years sucked more, because American bf, then fiance didn't speak the language at all. It made no sense to leave a perfectly good situation for a Peace-corps-type stint like teaching English or something. Anyway, we toughed it out. The bottom line he wanted to marry me like I was the only woman in this world, and he didn't let go of me long-distance or not. He made it work. I respected him for that. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP! This is really nice to read. I'll give future updates... OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw, ask any Brazilian, they cheat. All of them. It is extremely common. We are very close with a bunch of Brazilians.

OP here. I don't think he will cheat. I guess that's a risk I have to take.

Brazilian here-

OP, do not listen to this person. Generalizations are for ignorant people so I am assuming you won't take it as the truth.

If you love him and he loves you, this can work out just fine. Tickets to Brazil are not that expensive and you can even have a mileage credit card and visit him. I have several friends in Brazil who dated americans and had LDR for over one year and it worked out. If what you guys have is real, believe me, it will survive the distance.

[Anonymous]

Just don't get pregnant in Brazil and don't visit him there while pregnant .. Zika!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't get pregnant in Brazil and don't visit him there while pregnant .. Zika!

Ha, thanks, I've thought about this. No pregnancy plans soon. Maybe Ever.

Thanks to the Brazilian PP above.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He just left. I'm coming to terms with it but have cried a lot over the past few days. Including at a bar with friends. When I left him today I walked the wrong direction for 3/4 a mile before I realized it.

My work situation is really bad right now. I think I am having a hard time coping because he is the only thing that feels stable. I am having anxiety issues and what I think may be panic attacks ... But maybe not because they're too short. What happens is I cry and then I can't breathe so I gasp for air and then feel like I'm going to vomit. Those only last 20 seconds - 1 minute.

This is the low.... It has to get better from here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He just left. I'm coming to terms with it but have cried a lot over the past few days. Including at a bar with friends. When I left him today I walked the wrong direction for 3/4 a mile before I realized it.

My work situation is really bad right now. I think I am having a hard time coping because he is the only thing that feels stable. I am having anxiety issues and what I think may be panic attacks ... But maybe not because they're too short. What happens is I cry and then I can't breathe so I gasp for air and then feel like I'm going to vomit. Those only last 20 seconds - 1 minute.

This is the low.... It has to get better from here

Hang in there, OP. I know it hurts. Are you staying together in an LDR? Skype is awesome! And talk to a doc about short-term xanax or something. Help you through. But not for too long. Plan a trip after the olympics. Big hugs.