Boyfriend may (not?) be leaving country , return unknown

[Anonymous]

Op, Brazil could be a cool place to live for a couple years. Start learning Portuguese, you need to know it for him anyway. Is there anything you could do there, work wise? Has he invited you to move there with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, Brazil could be a cool place to live for a couple years. Start learning Portuguese, you need to know it for him anyway. Is there anything you could do there, work wise? Has he invited you to move there with him?

Be ready to make the commitment soon if it feels right. Don't overthink it. My mom left her country that she loved to marry my dad. Not an arranged marriage, btw. She did it for love and definitely NOT desperation as she was stunning inside and out and came from a well-to-do family. He was NOT wealthy either.

[Anonymous]

From someone who is fluent in Portuguese, if you know Spanish, you can get around in Portuguese.

However with your current situation, I will tell you this... Knowing Brazilians, if he goes for 2 years, consider this relationship OVER!

How old are you guys?

[Anonymous]

If you truly believe he is "the one", you have to trust that things will work out. Being anxious will only kill the relationship. Get your anxiety under control. Then take it one day at a time and trust that it will work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is marriage definitely out of the question right now?

OP here.

Honestly, I probably would marry him, but that doesn't help the visa issue - he has to leave for two years because his country sponsored his education, at a high cost that is not realistic to pay back.

So, he knew he would need to go back to his home country, accepted their finance of his education and now thinks it is okay to try and find a way out of his commitment? He is unethical and definitely not a keeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is marriage definitely out of the question right now?

OP here.

Honestly, I probably would marry him, but that doesn't help the visa issue - he has to leave for two years because his country sponsored his education, at a high cost that is not realistic to pay back.

So, he knew he would need to go back to his home country, accepted their finance of his education and now thinks it is okay to try and find a way out of his commitment? He is unethical and definitely not a keeper.

Where there's smoke, there's fire!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From someone who is fluent in Portuguese, if you know Spanish, you can get around in Portuguese.

However with your current situation, I will tell you this... Knowing Brazilians, if he goes for 2 years, consider this relationship OVER!

How old are you guys?

We're 27. Yeah, when I read Portugese I understand most of what's going on. Listening is another story.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is marriage definitely out of the question right now?

OP here.

Honestly, I probably would marry him, but that doesn't help the visa issue - he has to leave for two years because his country sponsored his education, at a high cost that is not realistic to pay back.

So, he knew he would need to go back to his home country, accepted their finance of his education and now thinks it is okay to try and find a way out of his commitment? He is unethical and definitely not a keeper.

He is allowed to postpone it for further education or experience, which is why he's going through all the steps to apply for the visa extension. He doesn't want to stay here illegally. He's allowed to pursue further education, but that 2 year return would be in place when it's over.

Brazil's economy is also not doing well right now, so it's not a great time to go back and look for work.

[Anonymous]

Don't move to Brazil. No offense, but you sound a little dramatic. you need to learn to be happy on your own with your own life. Don't keep letting your happiness be dependent on a boyfriend or a job.

[Anonymous]

The same thing happened to me but with a Turkish guy. We got married and it all worked out well. You gave me a pause about Brazilians. All the guys I know from Brazil are huge players. They couldn't live without girlfriends. In fact, they would find another girl before breaking up with their current girlfriend. It was disgusting.

[Anonymous]

If he is on a government scholarship, he definitely needs to go back and work. I knew Brazilians studying music at Catholic U. who tried to stay for another year after graduation but were unable to.
Brazilian visa is very easy to obtain. If you apply you will probably get 5 to 10 years multiple entry visa. Before the 120 days are over, your bf can apply to the police station and extend the visa for another few months, or depending on the location (if he is from the South), you can go to Uruguay or Argentina for a couple days and come back for another 120 days. I know people who have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LDR are pretty these days with so much technology, you can stay connected pretty easily and Skype or Facetime, send texts all day, share photos, etc. If you know it's a limited time like two years, you just deal with it one day at a time. Maybe come up with a schedule you'll follow for visiting each other each three months, if he can't come back here maybe you can each meet somewhere halfway. If it's meant to work out it will.

In the meantime, work on your own issues and develop a happy full life on your own, without him. You'll be a better partner that way anyway.

Terrible advice. That will not work. I would move on if you or he can't commit now.

Bullshit. I met my now DH about 6 weeks before I was posted overseas for a 2 year tour of duty. It was back in 1995 and email/internet were still very new. We emailed on a regular basis, met up in various other places 3-4 times and then moved in together when I got back. We got married 2 years after that.

But, I do agree with PPs that you need to work on your own issues before you're ready to have committed relationship. You sound like you're easily overwhelmed and haven't learned how to control your anxiety.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I really appreciate all the honest advice. I know i have my own issues and I need to work on that. It's hard when I'm in this somewhat new relationship and it's going so well. A lot of my new anxiety is related to work.

I've also been single most of my life -- I'm 27 and had one relationship before this, for about 7 months. So most of my life I've identified as a single person. It's weird to now feel so much like part of a pair. But I don't want to lose him.

Thank you... I will update this thread when we know what's happening ... If anyone cares to follow up

[Anonymous]

You have to consider that two years of long distance is 75% the same as putting your relationship on hold for two years. Do you want to wait until you're 29 to see if this guy will work for you, and you for him? If the answer is yes, then DONT wait and go to Brazil; if not full-time, then for several months at a time.

If the answer is no, you need to be prepared to end the relationship - temporarily, if it makes you feel better - so you don't wind up starting over at 30 after having been out of the dating world for four years.

[Anonymous]

What would be his reaction if you told him you want to move with him to Brazil? Sometimes relationships that have a known end date seem to be perfect but it's because one of the parties knows it's about to end.
I would not follow him to Brazil unless you know he's as crazy about you as you are for him.