What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Hurts Me by Lying & Breaking Promises?

[Anonymous]

DTMF

[Anonymous]

OP, this was me ten years ago. I had a miscarriage, and he refused to come home from the beach. Turns out, he was there with another woman. It hurt like hell at the time, but leaving him was the best decision I ever made.

I'm sorry for your losses.

[Anonymous]

OP, just out of curiousity : how long have you been dating and was the baby his?

Some men are dicks, but something isn't quite adding up for me.

Regardless, I really am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

He may be mourning differently. Surrounding himself with his buddies and shaking loose of the bad feelings may be how he's dealing with the loss.

I miscarried with a BF years ago, and walked away from every feeling. I went through it by myself in the hospital, only called him after I'd left and it was done. We spent a few hours together and that was it.

It may not mean he doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He promised to be back by 11p tonight . I text him around 10:45p to see if he has already left from MD and he responses with "Go to bed. I will be late. You know how blah blah events can be." This behavior really hurts. For me, keeping promises is about integrity. I always keep mine and not keeping my word demonstrates a lack of respect. When he breaks a promise, his actions make me feel devalued, unimportant to him and angry because he has let me down. I am really wondering whether the relationship is worth the effort anymore. Maybe I just have very high expectations . I have had ex boyfriends and they never pulled this crap.

Why are you wondering? He has no respect for you. Kick his a$$ to the curb and move on and never look back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump him and save yourself the grief. There are too many good ones out there to waste time on the bad ones. Let someone else deal with him.

+1. I wish I had recognized these kinds of behaviors as red flags. A person who lies to you or doesn't keep promises about these small unimportant things will continue to do so later in the relationship, only by then it will be about bigger, important things. Leave now. There are plenty of other men in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just out of curiousity : how long have you been dating and was the baby his?

Some men are dicks, but something isn't quite adding up for me.

Regardless, I really am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

2 years of dating. Baby was his. He was playing soccer yesterday all day (starting from 1pm) and then went out until 3am. He doesn't do this a lot. He does have a habit of NOT keeping his word. This is what bugs me the most. I am 28 and he's 33.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your husband being out late preventing you from doing something? Do you do anything?

I think it hurts more because I have been incredibly sad today. I had a miscarriage last week and he knows I've been down.

OMG. He is your boyfriend only? Do you have any other kids together? If not, look at the miscarriage as a message from above that this relationship is not meant to be. thank your lucky stars and RUN. Trust me, you do not want to be having kids with someone who behaves like this. BTDT and it only gets worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just out of curiousity : how long have you been dating and was the baby his?

Some men are dicks, but something isn't quite adding up for me.

Regardless, I really am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

You mean yourself?

Cause what you just asked was a dick thing to say.

--Not OP, just a decent human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just out of curiousity : how long have you been dating and was the baby his?

Some men are dicks, but something isn't quite adding up for me.

Regardless, I really am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

2 years of dating. Baby was his. He was playing soccer yesterday all day (starting from 1pm) and then went out until 3am. He doesn't do this a lot. He does have a habit of NOT keeping his word. This is what bugs me the most. I am 28 and he's 33.

I know you're grieving, and I am so sorry, but you really need to cut this guy loose.
While people all grieve differently (and in this case, "escaping" for the day may be his way of dealing wi his own painful feelings), he is also showing that he won't be there for you when you need it (and when you have children, you need to be able to take his word and for him to follow through on it).)

I don't have a huge issue with him going out and not following through on the time, but under the circumstances, I think he's just shown what the rest of your life may be like.

Heal physically and mentally a little bit, then make a plan and leave. Don't let this be the rest of your life, wondering if this is the time he's going to come through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just out of curiousity : how long have you been dating and was the baby his?

Some men are dicks, but something isn't quite adding up for me.

Regardless, I really am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

2 years of dating. Baby was his. He was playing soccer yesterday all day (starting from 1pm) and then went out until 3am. He doesn't do this a lot. He does have a habit of NOT keeping his word. This is what bugs me the most. I am 28 and he's 33.

OP, I strongly urge you to get therapy - and not just for your feelings surrounding the miscarriage. Consider the bold and ask your therapist to explore with you why you would spend two years and choose to have a baby with someone who "has a habit of not keeping his word". You do understand how messed up you are to do that, right? Explore whether it is low self-esteem, low self-confidence, overwhelming desire for family or a relationship, repetition of family of origin issues, getting sucked into an emotionally abusive cycle, or whatever.

Regardless, this relationship needs to end, if you want a healthy and happy future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a miscarriage and your BOYFRIEND is out with his friends living it up and having a good time while you cry?

Ridiculous. You two should be having serious discussions about your future together, and either planning a wedding, or seeing this as a wake-up call and breaking up.

You were pregnant, OP. You brought a baby into the world with this guy. I'm so sorry you lost that child, but now it's time to really think about whether you want a family with him. If not, move on. I think his behavior shows he's not ready, personally. If he wanted that child (and you), he'd be mourning with you, not out playing with the boys.

I was 6 months and had the baby still born. It was incredibly traumatic. He just came back and it's 3am.

I can see how you would find that massively traumatic, holy smokes. Will you please have a talk with him? Not to tell him what to do, but to tell him how you feel, what you think would make you feel better, and how he feels, etc. It's possible that he's just not going to step up to meet your needs. Maybe he's overcome with grief and wants to get the heck out of there. Maybe this, maybe that, who knows. The only way to move forward is to have a "Difficult Conversation." Do it. If you stay together, you'll be having these now and then for the rest of your lives. It's good to get the practice in.

And OP, a big fat ol' hug to you. I am so very, very sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He promised to be back by 11p tonight . I text him around 10:45p to see if he has already left from MD and he responses with "Go to bed. I will be late. You know how blah blah events can be." This behavior really hurts. For me, keeping promises is about integrity. I always keep mine and not keeping my word demonstrates a lack of respect. When he breaks a promise, his actions make me feel devalued, unimportant to him and angry because he has let me down. I am really wondering whether the relationship is worth the effort anymore. Maybe I just have very high expectations . I have had ex boyfriends and they never pulled this crap.

You know what your deal breakers are. Cut him loose and chalk it up. Next time lay it out up front. Plenty more fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

Listen to all of the above.

He promised he'd be back by a certain time, and he wasn't. He didn't even call to say he wouldn't make it (YOU called HIM). To me, it sounds as if he never intended upon coming home by 11:00, he just said that to get you off his back. His priority is not you as an individual, not you as a couple, and he even the basest of people know that losing a pregnancy, a child, is devestating. This is when you need him the most.

Miscarriages SUCK. And at 6 months! Wow. That is a viable baby. You just lost your baby, and while he has every right to grieve in his own way ... it doesn't sound like he's grieving so much, especially since this is a recognizable pattern for you.

I'm with those who say DTMF.

Best of luck to you. My deepest sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your husband being out late preventing you from doing something? Do you do anything?

I think it hurts more because I have been incredibly sad today. I had a miscarriage last week and he knows I've been down.

Lesson learned. Don't get pregnant by him again if he's so hurtful by lying and breaking promises. You sound young and immature, OP. At least he texted you back, countless of dudes don't even do that