A sensitive question about race?

[Anonymous]

My kids are at a school that is roughly 20% white and we've had only minor racial interactions. Once some kids told my daughter she couldn't jump rope with them because she was white. Once some kids told my son he couldn't play basketball with them. I heard a rumor about a 5th grader calling a white kid a racial slur.

In general, though, these kinds of incidents have been rare and have also been strongly addressed by the administration if/when they came to their attention.

The key issue here is going to be how seriously the school takes this kind of exclusion and bullying.

[Anonymous]

"White woman here. I've never experienced anything even remotely like this at work, but have regularly where I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. Sure, I also have great black neighbors of all SES levels, but there are other people who hang out or live around me that are very hostile to white people and have told me, to my face, "it's not personal, I just don't like/don't want to live near white people" (sometimes coached in "i don't like white people, but you're actually pretty cool (...for a white person).

I guess it just gives me a tiny insight to life for most black people, every day and in most environments."

hunh? Have you heard lots of white people say equivalent comments about black people? I sure have not and think most white people would tend to shun another white person making comments like that about AAs or others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ack, my quotes didn't come out right. This is directed to 6:26:

I'm the PP you're responding to. I'll say again, I've never seen AA women deliberately exclude or act in a hostile manner towards white women in any work environment I've ever been in. I even attended an HBCU for undergrad and there were a few nonblack students--never heard about or saw them excluded. I've worked on both coasts in academic, healthcare, and nonprofit settings. In some of these, granted, I was the only AA female--heck, in most, I've been the only black person, period. However, even in my current work environment in DC, which is maybe 5-10% AA, I don't see it. My field selects for those work well with others, since it requires collaboration. Anyone who acts in the manner you've described would quickly be out the door.

I'll give you that I've encountered a few somewhat surly municipal workers in DC, some of whom are AA. However, I've seen such workers have an attitude with everyone, not just white women.

I'm glad you allow that not all AA women you've encountered behave like this to non-black women. I just don't want people to think that being in a majority AA environment will be necessarily a bad experience.

+1
I'm white and every last one of my immediate 22 coworkers (plus just about all of my 50 or so non-immediate coworkers) is an AA female, as is my boss. It has not been a bad experience whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White parents are the ones who are uncomfortable with that situation, not anyone else. "Minorities" don't have the luxury of being uncomfortable with white people.

I'm sure OP will make a beeline for other white parents like they do at my school. It's kind of funny, it's so obvious.

That is utter baloney. I worked in place with mostly African American women, and they treated white women horribly. Really, really horribly. Some of the black women simply would not speak to any white woman just on principal. Like, I would walk up and say hi, and they would act like I wasn't there. One woman even told me that it wasn't personal; she just didn't like white people.

PP, how does your experience negate the validity of the prior PP's? Why would you call it "utter baloney," as if the truth of your experience means that hers can't also be true?

FWIW, I'm a black woman, and I've never engaged in or witnessed such behavior towards white women in professional settings. Perhaps I've seen such snubbing in my high school in the South, where racial tensions occasionally flared up, but not since then. I wonder where you work. I'm not saying this hasn't happened to you, but I hope you don't paint all black women with the same broad brush.

As to the OP's original question: I wouldn't worry too much about the majority minority setting per se. However, I'd think long and hard about the greatschools rating of 2 (and we know greatschool ratings aren't everything, but still--2 is really low). My child attends a predominantly AA school with a greatschools score of 8, and in speaking with parents of some of her white classmates, they're having a fantastic experience in the school. Some I've spoken with in depth about racial issues have so far not encountered any issues in this regard. However, most of my child's classmates of all races are from similar, middle-class backgrounds, so there is less of a gap between students of different races in this regard. As a middle/upper middle class family, we'd definitely hesitate about putting our child in a '2' school, particularly if my child would be in the racial minority in addition to being from a different SES background from most of the students--it just compounds any possible 'odd one out' difficulties, IMO.

I was the PP. The other PP said white parents are the only ones who are uncomfortable with other races, and that minorities are never uncomfortable with white people. I was simply pointing out that that isn't true - it was the other PP who was speaking in absolutes.

I have experienced this AA hostility toward non-blacks in two different professional environments. One was the federal government (2 different offices, actually), and the other was a school in the DC area. I would definitely describe those federal government offices as a racially hostile environment. AA women were in the majority there, and the prejudice against non-black people (not just white) was extreme and overt.

In the school it was less so, because the AA women were just a few women, and not all the AA women in the school were like that. I really don't know what would motivate people to act like that or adopt that attitude toward people in their workplace. I find it hard to believe you have never met anyone like that or seen it happen. I don't paint all black women with the same brush - I know plenty of black women who aren't like that. I really don't understand this phenomena, but I attribute mainly to a kind of grown-up mean girl thing, perhaps bolstered by racial issues, but no doubt these women would be cliquey in any skin.

So PP, the issue was really a group of grown-up Mean Girls who happened to be AA. They excluded others who happened to be white and just one said that she didn't like white people but you decided they all were racists?

Riiiiight....and that group of white girls who won't be friends with black girls, and won't even speak to black girls, that's just fine too, yes? You live in a fantasy land (called denial).

[Anonymous]

We were in a school with those percentages, early grades were fine, later grades were more difficult. I think the poster who mentioned that there were fewer opportunities socialized hit it on the head. There are not play dates or birthday parties or sports leagues that build that community and that can be hard on a kid. Honestly it also depends on your kid, I have a socially awkward one that struggled and very socially adept child that has thrived.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the Age of your child. If he is 3rd grAde or less he will adjust just fine and find a group of friends to hang out with as they age. If he comes in after 4th grade it may be slightly more difficult, but doable. You may have to help him adjust by inviting kids over, etc. Do not let your financial situation keep you from reaching out to others. Kids are happy with a play date with popcorn and board games, etc. Do not feel you have to do anything fancy.

[Anonymous]

Whites are less likely to have friends outside their race, not the black ones.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/08/25/three-quarters-of-whites-dont-have-any-non-white-friends/

[Anonymous]

My husband was one of the only white students in an predominantly black school. He said he got teased and called goldilocks but it wasn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whites are less likely to have friends outside their race, not the black ones.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/08/25/three-quarters-of-whites-dont-have-any-non-white-friends/

This will likely be the case as long as whites are the racial majority and the tables will then flip as whites become the minority. AAs are 14% of the population and latinos are 17% of the population, it isn't surprising that many whites (particularly depending upon what are of the country they live) do not have non-white friends. It is shear numbers and not necessary indicative of anything more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a sensitive question, but I'm wondering if I can get some insight on my new situation. I am in financial trouble and need to move. I am a single mom and am looking into moving into a school district that the elementary school is a 2 on Greater Schools. It's primarily black and Hispanic students and 7% white. My son is in 2nd grade that would be leaving a affluent more evenly diverse school. I have heard black parents on here say that the discrimination will always be a problem. I have never really talked to my son about race issues. My question is this: how do kids treat white kids when the white students are the minority? When parents see a white kid hanging out with their kid, do they feel worried that they will be treated diffeently? Do you talk to your kids about racist stuff?

I don't think it will be an issue in elementary school, but could be an issue in MS and HS. My cousin's kid has been pushed around and had racial epithets yelled at him in a predominantly AA HS because he inadvertently made eye contact. He has to walk on eggshells. The administration was absolutely uninterested in doing anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Your kid will be fine with this - for him, it will just be normal, and it will be good for him to be the minority for a while.

Race won't be a non-issue - but it will be an issue he and his friends will become comfortable with.

Signed -

Parent of a white kid who attended a 75% non-white school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it ok to bring up racism against blacks but not ok to bring up reverse racism??

Because black people cannot be racist against whites as a master of the historical and structural situation here. See eg Missouri, Yale and Claremont McKenna College.

This is a faulty definition. Racism is prejudice based on race, period. No requirement of systemic or institutional oppression. But that said, the white kid in the majority black school is not the one holding institutional power, the blacks are.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is a white blonde girl who attended a school with only a handful of other white kids. The only issue was that when the kids drew self portraits, she kept drawing herself as a black girl with yellow hair and green eyes. I kept the pictures because it was kind of funny. I asked her if she was okay with the color of her skin and she said yes, so I am guessing she colored herself that way because all the other kids were using that color.

There was never any tension between her and the other kids, and the other parents were normal toward us. Although there weren't many other purely white kids, a lot of them were mixed and had one white parent. It ended up being a non-issue.

If I were you, I would focus less on the race and more on the school- go visit and decide for yourself. Sometimes schools are rated low for reasons really outside their control, but your kid can still get a great education.

FWIW, I checked out the school I went to on Great Schools, and it got a 1. It was the worst score I've ever seen. I turned out just fine and make significantly more money than my parents did. So worry if a school comes with some warts-- it's a great lesson for your child to learn how to thrive in less than ideal environments. You're doing just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it ok to bring up racism against blacks but not ok to bring up reverse racism??

Because black people cannot be racist against whites as a master of the historical and structural situation here. See eg Missouri, Yale and Claremont McKenna College.

+1. Members of minority groups can be prejudiced; they cannot be racist. Racism is systematic and requires institutional power that minorities quite simply do not have.

This definition of racism was proposed by a sociologist in the 1970s as ONE SPECIFIC understanding of how racism works. I've never understood why it has been so widely accepted as the only possible understanding of the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White parents are the ones who are uncomfortable with that situation, not anyone else. "Minorities" don't have the luxury of being uncomfortable with white people.

I'm sure OP will make a beeline for other white parents like they do at my school. It's kind of funny, it's so obvious.

Why exactly are you pointing this out. Because black parents don't make a beeline for other black parents? Asian parents don't make a beeline for other asian parents? Hispanic parents don't make a beeline for other hispanic parents? You need to get the racist stick out of your butt.

At my predominantly white high school, no, the black parents didn't make a beeline for one another -- not the way white parents seem to at my child's predominantly black school. In the US, generally speaking, most POC have more experience being in the minority than most white people do. Not that they don't notice, and not that it doesn't have an impact, but for the most part, i think they're less disconcerted by it than many white people are.

Sad, too - the Indian parents at my DC's school make a bee line for each other.
THe white parents can be seen mingling with the Koreans or other Asians. Sad the Indians don't integrate.