I think I'm gay... now what?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not a troll, just someone who isn't on DCUM overnight.

I don't know whether I might be gay or bisexual or what. I very much regret that I didn't explore that when I was younger, but I was too caught up in what I "should" be doing. I enjoy cuddling with DH and I make sure we have sex every few days, but I don't like foreplay because I don't like touching him.

Doing something that would hurt my children is out of the question (for me).

[Anonymous]

Well, I fantasize about having sex with women and have had sex with women (have a hall pass foe this), but I'm not gay. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with a woman, just good sex.

[Anonymous]

Try prayer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll, just someone who isn't on DCUM overnight.

I don't know whether I might be gay or bisexual or what. I very much regret that I didn't explore that when I was younger, but I was too caught up in what I "should" be doing. I enjoy cuddling with DH and I make sure we have sex every few days, but I don't like foreplay because I don't like touching him.

Doing something that would hurt my children is out of the question (for me).

Thanks for coming back to explain more. As someone has posted, the advice sounds awful and unsympathetic.

I was going to post, but now I'm thrown by the fact that you don't like touching DH. Why? What's causing that will help us/you figure this out.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you ever enjoyed sex with men? I absolutely believe that children come first but, in this case, it might be better for them if you live authentically. Clearly you need some professional help. Find a gay friendly therapist and try to figure out what is best for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

This is only how I (DH) would feel, and YMMV because I find lesbian sex and threesomes really hot.

If your husband is like me, he may be very willing to open the relationship to let you explore with women. But, do NOT tell him you are repulsed by foreplay with him. Present it as a value add to your relationship. That way, you can test drive being with a woman, and see if you are really a lesbian versus bi. If you are a lesbian and repulsed by being with your husband, then you will know your three options are misery, open relationship or divorce. Baby steps first. Your husband may be totally into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you ever enjoyed sex with men? I absolutely believe that children come first but, in this case, it might be better for them if you live authentically. Clearly you need some professional help. Find a gay friendly therapist and try to figure out what is best for you and your family.

I honestly don't know. DH is only the second person I've been with.

I don't like touching DH because I find penises kind of gross.

Yes, I think professional help would be good. Any suggestions? In DC or close in MoCo.

[Anonymous]

If is unfair to your husband to wait. He maybe able to find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you ever enjoyed sex with men? I absolutely believe that children come first but, in this case, it might be better for them if you live authentically. Clearly you need some professional help. Find a gay friendly therapist and try to figure out what is best for you and your family.

I honestly don't know. DH is only the second person I've been with.

I don't like touching DH because I find penises kind of gross.

Yes, I think professional help would be good. Any suggestions? In DC or close in MoCo.

OP, I am sorry you are going through this. It really does sound like you might be a lesbian. A straight woman does not find penises "kind of gross." Do not wait your whole life to find out. You will need to talk to different therapists and find one that seems right to you. This group specializes in lgbt issues: http://therapygroupdc.com/how-therapy-works-dc/. The main thing is finding the right fit for you.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps seek therapy before you do anything else. Maybe it is your husband, maybe you are curious or regretful. Or maybe you are a straight up lesbian.

I think you need to explore exactly what is going on in a safe healthy environment.

Experimenting through cheating is stupid. What if you have sex with a woman and she is terrible in the sack? It tells you nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps seek therapy before you do anything else. Maybe it is your husband, maybe you are curious or regretful. Or maybe you are a straight up lesbian.

I think you need to explore exactly what is going on in a safe healthy environment.

Experimenting through cheating is stupid. What if you have sex with a woman and she is terrible in the sack? It tells you nothing.

I agree that cheating is not the answer but even if the woman was terrible in bed, OP would discover if she finds vaginas as "gross" as she finds penises. She is not feeling lust for men. She feels it for women.

[Anonymous]

Call me. Just kidding.

It's ok to be bi, or lesbian, or questioning. Start with that, and then decide if you want to act on it. You have a lot of options. I know more than a few queer women in relationships with men. I am one, but I do enjoy my male partner. GL

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone here is particularly well-qualified to help but some counseling probably would help.

I'm a hetero woman (without question) and I can empathize with finding "penises kind of gross."

There could be other things going on OP, so find a good, experienced counselor with whom you feel some rapport and start there.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone here is particularly well-qualified to help but some counseling probably would help.

I'm a hetero woman (without question) and I can empathize with finding "penises kind of gross."

There could be other things going on OP, so find a good, experienced counselor with whom you feel some rapport and start there.

Good luck.

I also sometimes find penises kind of gross. But if I'm attracted to someone, or in love with them, their whole person becomes attractive. But I certainly don't find the penis an attractive thing in and of itself. And if I were going to have some kind of naked art in the house, I would prefer it be of female subjects. Don't think this makes me a lesbian. (though am likely bi)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you ever enjoyed sex with men? I absolutely believe that children come first but, in this case, it might be better for them if you live authentically. Clearly you need some professional help. Find a gay friendly therapist and try to figure out what is best for you and your family.

I honestly don't know. DH is only the second person I've been with.

I don't like touching DH because I find penises kind of gross.

Yes, I think professional help would be good. Any suggestions? In DC or close in MoCo.

Goodness. If not wanting to touch your husband or finding his penis gross might make you a lesbian .... I'm right there with you. Could just be that particular husband or penis in my case though. Oh, well. staying for the kids.