I think I'm gay... now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married 16 years, 3 kids, whenever i have sex with my 45 year old dh, i wish i were with a 25 year old. I just realized i prefer younger men.
What should i do with this?

And apparently you are also a sarcastic, nasty person too.

[Anonymous]

Yikes...Could you have simply been fantasizing about a woman during sex? If so, this is completely normal and doesn't necessarily mean you are gay. Plenty of women tend to fantasize about other women, however when it comes down to it, they overall prefer men.

Perhaps you are gay, I guess people can experience feelings for the other sex later on in life, though I was always under the impression that people are born that way.

Regardless, you need to tell your husband this.

He may be in denial, may think you are simply confused, etc. Stress to him you are 100% serious about these feelings and together you two can work it out as a team.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's hard to tell from your post if you are having fantasies that you don't want to happen in real life or if you're bi and happy overall with your husband or if you're a lesbian who has been in denial who has never been happy with your husband. If you are generally happy with your husband, chalk it up to a harmless fantasy. If you're unhappy with him, things get more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love is an action word. If you love your children, you work to keep their lives stable.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, you might still rather be with a man. Remember the "grass is greener" poster? You haven't actually been with a woman yet. So do it - try it. You might not like it. I think it's better to try it out than to break up your marriage, and then realize you want a man. Just secretly find somebody online and hook up.

[Anonymous]

Share your fantasies with your DH. I'm bi and most men really love threesone talk if not the real thing. Watch some porn together. Explore your sexuality with him, it may make you closer rather than tearing you apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs are giving horrendous advice. You are asking a gay woman to continue to have sex with a man? Seriously? You are asking her to spend her life in hell. She needs to determine if she is really gay and, if so, she must come clean and tell her husband the truth. If he is willing to open the marriage, then they can find ways to make it work. OP should not have to go through the hell of having sex with a man if it goes against her nature.

I think you are really sensationalizing what the OP has said...it doesn't sound anything like "hell" from what she described. It sounds more like she is not fully satisfied and trying to figure out why (she could easily be Bi and not gay)...I think using "hell" to paraphrase the OP is taking it a bit far.

[Anonymous]

The mind is an amazing thing. It can come up with very contradictory things that are all truths at the moment. You don't really say if there are any other indications of your sexuality. Sex for women is much more mental than for men. Maybe this is just the most efficient and effective thought for you to be aroused. Doesn't make you anything beyond imaginative. Surely you have enough interactions with your spouse to know if you love him. That is the only thought that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs are giving horrendous advice. You are asking a gay woman to continue to have sex with a man? Seriously? You are asking her to spend her life in hell. She needs to determine if she is really gay and, if so, she must come clean and tell her husband the truth. If he is willing to open the marriage, then they can find ways to make it work. OP should not have to go through the hell of having sex with a man if it goes against her nature.

I think you are really sensationalizing what the OP has said...it doesn't sound anything like "hell" from what she described. It sounds more like she is not fully satisfied and trying to figure out why (she could easily be Bi and not gay)...I think using "hell" to paraphrase the OP is taking it a bit far.

She said she thinks she is gay. I am a bisexual woman who has fantasies about women and I would never say "I think I am gay." I do not think about women every time I try to have sex with a man. OP is struggling with her sexual identity and, chances are, she has good reason to. I am not reading anything into that statement and I am not sensationalizing it. I am taking it seriously unlike most of the posters on this thread. That said, I think OP might be a troll because she has not elaborated.

[Anonymous]

It probably is a troll post inspired by the recent news articles declaring women to never be straight but instead bi or gay.

[Anonymous]

my ex DW followed through on this. Now we are divorced. She gets to live authentically and me and kids are dumped on scrap heap.
Look - before you go down this route consider the impact on your family and what you and they will lose along with collateral damage. It's the end of many friendships etc not just you and him. Also remember if you divorce you still have to deal with kids and ex DH.

[Anonymous]

Chances are you feeling a little wanderlust. That's normal. I suspect if you did go full bore lesbian, you would find in fairly short order that it was a fantasy with some teeth and you just made a big mistake. Talk to you husband, be honest and tell him you don't know what to do. Chances are good that you can find a resolution that may or may not include sex with other women. I personally am ok if my wife wants to sleep with other people. It's a normal inclination and while it takes some getting used to, the overwhelming majority of sexual interests are really short term (a few times in bed, sometimes a few weeks) and then you want to go home. I recognize this and have made it my ally instead of my adversary. Yes, my partner has sexual attractions other than me but that doesn't mean she wants to change anything about our relationship. Be patient, figure it out and you'll likely find that in the end, it wasn't that you were gay, you just wanted something a little different for a little while.

[Anonymous]

This. Everyone is happy.

Anonymous wrote:Just ask DH for a threesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my ex DW followed through on this. Now we are divorced. She gets to live authentically and me and kids are dumped on scrap heap.
Look - before you go down this route consider the impact on your family and what you and they will lose along with collateral damage. It's the end of many friendships etc not just you and him. Also remember if you divorce you still have to deal with kids and ex DH.

So you would have rathered your gay wife pretend to be hetero and stay with you? That would have made you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my ex DW followed through on this. Now we are divorced. She gets to live authentically and me and kids are dumped on scrap heap.
Look - before you go down this route consider the impact on your family and what you and they will lose along with collateral damage. It's the end of many friendships etc not just you and him. Also remember if you divorce you still have to deal with kids and ex DH.

So you would have rathered your gay wife pretend to be hetero and stay with you? That would have made you happy?

Pretend? So for 39 years they were 'pretending ' and for 6 months not? Cheating is cheating - homo or hetero , you don't get a pass on your commitments. As for happiness do you care