Keeps asking to be exclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy I'm dating keeps asking to be exclusive. We have been dating for maybe 6 weeks? I do like him but I think 6 weeks is too soon. I would like to get to know him a little more first. I'm conflicted because I do like him, but I've been hurt in the past. I don't want to wind up in a situation where he splits because he takes my lack of exclusivity as disinterest. He's really a good guy, and I'm not seeing other guys. He's a good guy but there is alway some small doubt of motive. I haven't slept with him and won't until we are are exclusive. He knows this. He has asked and been pushy for exclusivity for about two week now. I'm conflicted.

just tell him the truth; that you want to play the field and you are not ready of exclusivity. It is not fair to him that you are stringing him along while you are waiting to see if you can find something better.

+1 I've been in this situation, and if you tell me you don't want exclusivity you are telling me bluntly that "I want to be able to see other people" and I am the kind of good guy who listens to you, takes you at your word, and can handle rejection. So I take that that as "ok, you're not that into me, and I'm going to keep seeing other people too". You might not want to have to be direct about "I don't want sex yet" and you might want to use exclusivity as an excuse or an alternate way of saying it, but he is not a mind reader.

If the issue is that you aren't ready to have sex, then just tell him that. "We can be exclusive, but I'm not ready to be physically intimate yet. I've been hurt in the past so I want to go slow." See? Not hard. Use your words. If you don't, then don't be surprised when he applies Occam's razor and decides you aren't really into him and he goes and finds someone who is.

This would probably be best for , OP. Something is off with this guy. Yes there are the rare gems, but more often than not a guy who demands to be exclusive after a short period of time or moves quickly, there is something wrong. It is a warning sign.
The other mentioned here is that he is a serial dater.
OP, given your history of selecting jerks I would cut ties with the current bf, and think strongly about talking to a therapist about why you continuously select a certain type of guy. I also think you should put a moratorium on dating for 6 months while working on self, you didn't ask it, but it's my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree guy wants to sleep with you

OP here. I really don't think it's just sex but could be wrong. He asked me to be his date for Thanksgiving. I'm pretty much going to meet his whole family. I've meet his two brothers already. I've known him for around 2 months. He tried to get me to go on a date for like two weeks before I said yes. Maybe I'm being naive but word around is he a serial relationship guy. He doesn't sleep around, but that could be false.

He doesn't do it so pushy. He will jokingly say " so are you going to be my girlfriend yet?" " Can I introduce you as my girlfriend at X dinner". I normally just laugh it off but I can tell he wants a real answer. I think I'm just going to take the plunge and say yes. It still doesn't mean I have to sleep with him right away.

To pp: I'm not looking to play the field. I'm not talking to any guy but him. I'm just trying to be cautious and not rush.

He sounds too good for you. Confident, warm, knows what he wants and you're what he wants... And you're just like "enh, whatever, we'll see" from first date until now. You don't express a single iota of genuine enthusiasm for the guy.

Let him find someone who's as crazy about him as he is about you. You're just going to break his heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what non-exclusivity means. I meant that even though I can't tell him what to do, I would never tell him to go ahead and sleep around.

There is so much uncertainty and that is why I want to hold off on exclusivity. I want to have sex badly, but I don't want to sleep with him and then his motives be just that or a holiday gf.

Tell him you'd like to save sex for marriage. See what happens.

Who the fuck would date someone who's saving sex for marriage in 2015? Sex, and mutual enthusiasm for sex, is an absolutely central part of any healthy relationship.