Keeps asking to be exclusive

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know what non-exclusivity means. I meant that even though I can't tell him what to do, I would never tell him to go ahead and sleep around.

There is so much uncertainty and that is why I want to hold off on exclusivity. I want to have sex badly, but I don't want to sleep with him and then his motives be just that or a holiday gf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what non-exclusivity means. I meant that even though I can't tell him what to do, I would never tell him to go ahead and sleep around.

There is so much uncertainty and that is why I want to hold off on exclusivity. I want to have sex badly, but I don't want to sleep with him and then his motives be just that or a holiday gf.

Tell him you'd like to save sex for marriage. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what non-exclusivity means. I meant that even though I can't tell him what to do, I would never tell him to go ahead and sleep around.

There is so much uncertainty and that is why I want to hold off on exclusivity. I want to have sex badly, but I don't want to sleep with him and then his motives be just that or a holiday gf.

Smart.
So hold off,if he's really into you he can wait. 6 weeks really isn't that long.

[Anonymous]

Considering you have had your heart broken in the past, you are being very sensible to want to get to know this guy a little longer before you commit yourself to him.

If he truly likes you, then he should be patient with you and respect your wishes.

If he pressures you into a relationship or he will leave you, then you will have dodged a huge bullet.

No one should ever feel pressured into doing something before they are ready.

[Anonymous]

op you make no sense

you are telling him your relationship is nonexclusive

but secretly it is. because you admit if he shagged another woman you'd be out of there

you also want to have sex with him. but you wont do it.

i get that you've been hurt but what do you think you are protecting yourself from? your mixed messages here....sheesh

how many weeks is "enough"?

i think his teasing comments like "can i say you are my girlfriend yet" indicate that he senses you want a boyfriend and all that it entails but are just scared.

[Anonymous]

What it means is that OP does want to be exclusive, she does want to have sex with one special guy, but the current boyfriend is not that guy. He's just a placeholder for OP's ego until she can find someone better that she likes enough to actually have sex with.

I completely understand his frustration. He is like every other nice guy who is taken for granted and denied sex by women like the OP and then gets dumped for the next guy (who she will have sex with on the first date).

[Anonymous]

Please don't make this guy pay for the sins of the last guy.
Not fair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't make this guy pay for the sins of the last guy.
Not fair

She's not. She's learned from her past how to weed out losers like yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't make this guy pay for the sins of the last guy.
Not fair

She's not. She's learned from her past how to weed out losers like yourself.

Well I'm a 43 year old mother of 4, and I didn't read that my demographic was her thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what non-exclusivity means. I meant that even though I can't tell him what to do, I would never tell him to go ahead and sleep around.

There is so much uncertainty and that is why I want to hold off on exclusivity. I want to have sex badly, but I don't want to sleep with him and then his motives be just that or a holiday gf.

so you want him to act exclusive without being exclusive while you put him through a test in order for you to decide what you want to do. You are one screwed up piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anytime a person is pressuring you to change your mind on something important you should be wary. You aren't ready and that's OK. He can wait or move along.

I know! Sec and exclusivity is important to him and SHE is pressuring him not to. Wow! have you considered he other perspective.

[Anonymous]

Do you like him a lot OP? What else do you want to know about him before you decide whether you want to be exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't make this guy pay for the sins of the last guy.
Not fair

She's not. She's learned from her past how to weed out losers like yourself.

Well I'm a 43 year old mother of 4, and I didn't read that my demographic was her thing?

I hope you give your kids better advice than , OP.
You probably tell your daughters to hang on to loser boyfriends just so they won't be single, right?

[Anonymous]

OP, he sounds like an honest guy. Do you know why his other relationships failed? That might give you a little more insight.

But in general, men tend to fall pretty fast. If he doesn't have any warning signs of being a control freak or a jealous type (and moving fast to declare a relationship status can be a sign of both of those), he's probably just being honest about his feelings for you.

I'd tell him you aren't seeing anyone else and that you really like him. But you still feel the need to take it a bit more slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy I'm dating keeps asking to be exclusive. We have been dating for maybe 6 weeks? I do like him but I think 6 weeks is too soon. I would like to get to know him a little more first. I'm conflicted because I do like him, but I've been hurt in the past. I don't want to wind up in a situation where he splits because he takes my lack of exclusivity as disinterest. He's really a good guy, and I'm not seeing other guys. He's a good guy but there is alway some small doubt of motive. I haven't slept with him and won't until we are are exclusive. He knows this. He has asked and been pushy for exclusivity for about two week now. I'm conflicted.

just tell him the truth; that you want to play the field and you are not ready of exclusivity. It is not fair to him that you are stringing him along while you are waiting to see if you can find something better.

+1 I've been in this situation, and if you tell me you don't want exclusivity you are telling me bluntly that "I want to be able to see other people" and I am the kind of good guy who listens to you, takes you at your word, and can handle rejection. So I take that that as "ok, you're not that into me, and I'm going to keep seeing other people too". You might not want to have to be direct about "I don't want sex yet" and you might want to use exclusivity as an excuse or an alternate way of saying it, but he is not a mind reader.

If the issue is that you aren't ready to have sex, then just tell him that. "We can be exclusive, but I'm not ready to be physically intimate yet. I've been hurt in the past so I want to go slow." See? Not hard. Use your words. If you don't, then don't be surprised when he applies Occam's razor and decides you aren't really into him and he goes and finds someone who is.