Should I marry my poor boyfriend?
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Anonymous
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OP -- $65k at that age is not poor as others have said. What fields are you in? Is there room for growth? My husband and I are millionares now but we started out poor. Luckily, we had no student loans. Do you?
Depends on what you want out of life. If you want to be a SAHM, that salary won't do. But, if you're like many other families, if you both work, you can make it. Also, does he have potential.? Does he/you have an advanced degree? Why would you think he won't make more? |
Anonymous
Troll. |
Anonymous
This thread is for you then: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/488630.page |
Anonymous
LOL! Good one. |
Anonymous
| Really OP? I'm 40 and DH and I both make around 65K each in DC and we do just fine financially. Are you wanting to be a SAHM and have him support you? |
Anonymous
He should post the same question here so we can all tell him to run far and fast |
Anonymous
Yes, I'd say let him go so he can find someone worthy of him. |
Anonymous
| You don't sound like you are truly in love with him, so I wouldn't marry him. |
Anonymous
My boyfriend was very well-off when we met, and two bouts of unemployment later... well, let's just way we're lucky I didn't marry him for his money  He was a stay-at-home dad when we had our first kid, and I resented it when I was post-partum and killing myself at work to keep us afloat, but he had dinner on the table when I got home most nights and was/is a wonderful parent to our daughter. I'd worry more about your collective vision of where you want to be as a couple, and if it's aligned, because the money thing can change in a heart-beat (does he not mind being poor? do YOU mind it? can his being poor help bolster your ambition?) Good luck.
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Anonymous
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If he is willing to make sure you have what you want that is priceless. I've been with guys who had the money but were stingy. Emotional generosity is everything because in a few years you won't love whomever you marry in the same way. That's just the nature of the beast.
So a smart woman makes sure that guy loves her above everything and will lay his cloak in the mud for her. If you don't start out as a goddess in the marriage you'll never be elevated to that position. DON'T BE a good bargain; workhorses abound and any responsible mother is at least partially equine. Get him while you can, OP. You don't deserve him but that's not your problem. Some men like to upgrade. |
Anonymous
| He should dump you for asking this question. |
Anonymous
| If this is a consideration, please dump him. Go meet some big law guy who can keep you in this year's big black SUV, blond highlights and a huge rock. This guy sounds like a keeper for a much nicer woman than you. |
Anonymous
NP here. The question now becomes how are you guys at comproming and reaching agreements and how much are you on the same page naturally in regards to finances? I don't think you suddenly wake up at 35 stressing about money with two kids and a house. It ends up being a series of decisions made or not made that gets you to that point. Like not looking/going for a job to make more money balancing the tradeoffs in risk/flexibility /impact to home life/career growth, or insisting you move to a house when you have the first child when maybe continuing to rent is the better financial choice, or buying at the height of the market just to have something and being underwater, or someone decides to take a chance on not having health insurance to save money and that's the month a catastrophic event happens. Every job change, where to live, when to have kids, where kids go to school, and major purchases becomes a joint decision where the other person should not be bullied into agreement or given a defacto decision yet each person has to speak up. Once you agree if stuff goes south, it is our decision and our ability to adjust and move forward not "well I didn't really want to do that or you pushed me to do this and see how it turned out". You can definitely live in this area making $100K combined with kids but there will be tradeoffs. It's your ability to agree on the tradeoffs, how you get there and how you both handle when things don't go to plan that determines if money issues tear you apart or not. |
Anonymous
Why not? My husband made less than 40k 15 years ago when we got married. Worked his way up. He was HYP educated though, but no family wealth. 2 kids, SAHM. I find it more important to look at his family. I got a crazy MIL handed. |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous]If this is a consideration, please dump him. Go meet some big law guy who can keep you in this year's big black SUV, blond highlights and a huge rock. This guy sounds like a keeper for a much nicer woman than you.[/quote]
+1 |