Would you marry someone foreign?

[Anonymous]

You have to know what you are getting yourself into.

My Dad is American. My Mom is Asian. While dating, she was the typical subservient Asian woman. What DH didn't realize was that once married, when it came to the household, she was now in charge. He just needed to shut up and let her handle it. This led to HUGE conflict. Then you add in English not being her first language. And there were lots of fights that spiraled into my Dad criticizing her English. (Totally a low blow!) Took them 30+ years to iron out their issues (and I was the collateral damage).

So, you have to be very, very aware of the unconscious cultural assumptions you both have. If you can communicate through that stuff and really love and respect each other's culture, then it can work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bias exists in many ways and some of it is understandable.

Most Indians parents who are Hindus or Christians prefer that their kids marry within the faith but they will accept an interfaith marriage but when it comes to marrying a Muslim, they would be opposed to it. This would especially be the case if it is a Hindu or Christian woman who is wanting to marry a Muslim.

shah rukh khan's in laws didn't seem to mind, lol.

[Anonymous]

"Foreign" sounds like "alien" to me. I married someone with dual citizenship, but was raised mostly in the U.S. We're compatible on so many levels. It runs in the family. My mother married a naturalized citizen who was born overseas but mostly raised here, and you couldn't tell the difference.

Conflicts arise in every marriage, sometimes on politics, religion and culture, but we have such a good time that they are only blips on the screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to know what you are getting yourself into.

My Dad is American. My Mom is Asian. While dating, she was the typical subservient Asian woman. What DH didn't realize was that once married, when it came to the household, she was now in charge. He just needed to shut up and let her handle it. This led to HUGE conflict. Then you add in English not being her first language. And there were lots of fights that spiraled into my Dad criticizing her English. (Totally a low blow!) Took them 30+ years to iron out their issues (and I was the collateral damage).

So, you have to be very, very aware of the unconscious cultural assumptions you both have. If you can communicate through that stuff and really love and respect each other's culture, then it can work.

Thanks, PP. Very insightful post.

[Anonymous]

I was engaged to an American (now dis-engaged) and I realised that I had been putting a lot down to cultural differences that were really personality issues. There was a murky area in which the culture and the personality could not be separated, but I was definitely way more understanding than I should have been.

That said, I prefer dating outside of my culture/nationality because I find the differences intriguing and I don't need the comfort that comes with dating the familiar, but I am much more cautious about paying attention to things that are just plain old unacceptable to me and don't fit with my values, whether they are the result of culture or personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I wouldn't sorry. I love knowing that DH has the same cultural traditions as me, in laws speak English and are nearby, and that DH and I grew up similarly. And while I don't always agree with America 100%, it hurts when I hear foreigners bash America and Americans.

This is what I find intolerable about some foreigners who just got on a plane and flew over here to the U.S. They can become quite angry when their wants and needs are not met based on their unrealistic expectations. I also find that some foreigners are deeply rooted in more of a socialist political mindset. In other words, they think everything in the U.S. is free. And they have no concept of how long it took some Americans to achieve a standard of living. Or they call American problems "first world problems." Well, this is a first world country.

So true! Especially when compared with Americans abroad, who are never loud, obnoxious, crass, and entitled!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bias exists in many ways and some of it is understandable.

Most Indians parents who are Hindus or Christians prefer that their kids marry within the faith but they will accept an interfaith marriage but when it comes to marrying a Muslim, they would be opposed to it. This would especially be the case if it is a Hindu or Christian woman who is wanting to marry a Muslim.

Not necessarily a bias, just reality because of the requirement of conversion. Many Christian and Hindu couples get on well because they're okay with practicing both in their household and the families are also okay with that because then they will all celebrate their holidays together. I think the "especially if the case be a woman" argument also makes sense if their family will allow the husband to take multiple wives.

That said, there are plenty of couples that are Hindu and Muslim, those relationships work because both religions are respected in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I did and I love it for many of the same reasons other pps have given. One downside I haven't seen mentioned (so maybe it's just us) is that we have had a hard time making friends with other couples. I'm not sure why. Maybe a culturally heterogeneous couple might be harder to get to know or mesh with as a couple vs individually? We are also interracial, and I am unsure if that has an impact as well. In any case, I don't have any regrets. There are probably more facets to consider before marrying someone from another country or culture, but it boils down to the same core components; love, respect, communication, compatibility. After nearly a decade, my husband is still my favorite person.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I am married to a "foreigner," and I love him to pieces. Our compatibility transcends culture, although yes, there cultural differences are something to think about. Sometimes, they can even work in your favor. In my case, for example, American men have always felt too shallow and fratty to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I didn't, and probably wouldn't have. It would have affected my job.

You got your priorities right.

Sure did. I still have a job and a wonderful, loving, sexy husband.

[Anonymous]

Actually they did. A lot.
http://businessofcinema.com/bollywood_news/srk-gauri-forever-love-forever-love/114258

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bias exists in many ways and some of it is understandable.

Most Indians parents who are Hindus or Christians prefer that their kids marry within the faith but they will accept an interfaith marriage but when it comes to marrying a Muslim, they would be opposed to it. This would especially be the case if it is a Hindu or Christian woman who is wanting to marry a Muslim.

shah rukh khan's in laws didn't seem to mind, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not OP. Most men are chauvinists and the ones from foreign countries often tend to be worse than Americans (who can be horrible chauvinists too).

UMmm...you do realize that the whole world outside the US is a very big, diverse place, right?

- American woman happily married to Northern European man with two trilingual kids

[Anonymous]

Yap. Divorced my American DH and coupled up with a foreigner.

[Anonymous]

I would only marry someone from Somalia, Yemen, or Afghanistan, since they share the same culture vis-a-vis guns as the USA.