Would you marry someone foreign?
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Anonymous
| Would you marry a foreign man/woman? Have you? Any problems? |
Anonymous
| Well I married an American, so far so good (15 yrs) |
Anonymous
| No, I didn't, and probably wouldn't have. It would have affected my job. |
Anonymous
| I did. No problems. |
Anonymous
|
Um, we'll need more than that.
1) Am I in love with this person? 2) How different is their home culture? 3) Is he employed (ok, that's just a priority for any possible mate for me.) |
Anonymous
|
Too general a question to be of much use but here's some good advice.
I married a foreigner and so did my best friend. We realized in retrospect that there were things that he did, that his family did, that his mom did that we were both way too generous in excusing because of the whole foreign factor. In other words, his mother would say something unconscionably cruel and we would say, "Oh, this must be a translation problem. She couldn't possibly have meant that. I'm probably just misunderstanding because she's foreign." Same with the guy from time to time -- Something like insisting on everything being returned to exactly the same place that it came from in the kitchen, and the girlfriend thinking it must be 'some foreign thing' when it's really OCD. Don't overlook things -- his fascist politics; his incredibly cheapness and lack of generosity; his mom's rigidly controlling ways -- or even worse, romanticize them, because, you know, he's foreign. Don't assume that as he acclimates to life in the US, he will change. Basically, don't overlook piggy things that you wouldn't accept in another relationship because the guy's foreign, or chalk everything up to foreignness. Look out for the same signs and warning signals that you would look out for in a regular relationship and treat them the same way. |
Anonymous
| OP, would you be living in the U.S.? |
Anonymous
I did. Love it. In addition to how I feel about spouse as a person, attraction etc (not the focus of your thread) the two cultures aspect automatically adds variety and interest. I have learned the other language and enjoy it, and I see it as a benefit for kids too. We have to spend more money to see parents(in law) than we would if we shared the same hometown. But the travel is fun too. FWIW, I almost never use the word "foreign" in any context. If you work in the defense industry/millitary industrial complex I could see you having a different answer to this question. Personally I could never take a job that would put restrictions on how I live my personal life, within reason. In particular I could never take a job that made me worry about my "foreign contacts". I'm a well-traveled person and it just wouldn't work for me. I am grateful for others who make this sacrifice in order to take jobs that keep us safe. Just not for me. |
Anonymous
| Probably not OP. Most men are chauvinists and the ones from foreign countries often tend to be worse than Americans (who can be horrible chauvinists too). |
Anonymous
Since most people marry other Americans, I think this restriction is "within reason". |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't not marry someone just because they weren't from the same country. Now, some aspects of their culture might be an issue, or something like that, but on principle, I wouldn't have a problem with it. |
Anonymous
| No I wouldn't sorry. I love knowing that DH has the same cultural traditions as me, in laws speak English and are nearby, and that DH and I grew up similarly. And while I don't always agree with America 100%, it hurts when I hear foreigners bash America and Americans. |
Anonymous
| Foreign women are generally hotter. |
Anonymous
| Well, both DH and I are immigrants to this country, but from different continents, so yes, I would. And to the PP that said most foreign men are chauvinists, well, that all depends on the country. Northern European men are much more engaged in childcare and housework than American men. |
Anonymous
You got your priorities right. |