What's a good response my DD can give?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this is perfectly in line with what's been going on since the dawn of time. It's not like he is evil and she needs protecting. Let your DD handle it.

+100
I think there are clearly some boy-haters out there, or at least parents of only girls who are incredibly biased against boys. This boy did the equivalent of passing her a note saying he liked her. She replied, no thank you (I do think she should've dropped the snarky, "Umm". No need to be rude.). Other than that, this is not a harassment scenario, for crying out loud. The boy took it very well and sounds like a good guy. I'm sure his feelings were hurt, though - that's only natural, just as hers would have been hurt had the situation been reversed. It would have been kinder to leave out the snarkiness and just give him the straightforward, "No thanks."

Those of you with daughters, how would you feel if yours had told a boy she liked him, and he had responded, "Ummm, no thank you." I'm sure your daughter's feelings would have been crushed and I imagine you, as a parent, would hurt for them. Give this boy a break.

I have a 12 yr old DD and she probably wouldn't read the ummm as snarky in a text and can't think of one of her friends boy or girl who would. They aren't there yet and still tend to think literally.

And if my Df got such a message? So what? I wouldn't be hurt over it at all. I'd she was, I wouldn't try and not let her be hurt or upset. Things like this will happen a thousand times between now and adulthood. She needs to be able to cope with not nice behavior from boys and girls alike.

To the OP - DO NOT try and micromanage your child's dating/relationship life. It only leads to disaster. Stay out of it unless explicitly asked for help or unless of course you happen to notice any violence/abuse.

[Anonymous]

I would let her make her way and stop micromanaging this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She did fine. Better than I did back in my 20's, frankly.

+1

I think what she said was completely fine. And, I think he responded fine also.

I don't even really see an issues with the 'um'. It's all fine.

[Anonymous]

Some tough critics here--it's hard to be a boy (or anyone) and put yourself out there like that. Nothing inappropriate about it. My daughter dealt with this a lot beginning at that age, and always responded with a "thank you, but I'd like us to just be friends." Your daughter did fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Um makes it snarky. No thank you by itself is just fine.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why does she have to respond?

[Anonymous]

She already did respond.

And it is better to respond than to leave him hanging. If he is a good guy, that is cruel. If he isn't, it encourages him to keep contacting her, which she doesn't want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more important to teach 12 year old girls how to say a firm no - which she did, rather than a nice no. She was fine. She wasn't rude, she told him the truth. This is a good thing. Stop worrying so much about someone she wasn't friends with who got her number from someone else. Plus, he was fine.

+1. She wasn't rude. She's not responsible for his feelings. Learning to say no clearly and firmly, rather than hedging the truth to protect someone's feelings, is so, so, so important for young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this is perfectly in line with what's been going on since the dawn of time. It's not like he is evil and she needs protecting. Let your DD handle it.

+100
I think there are clearly some boy-haters out there, or at least parents of only girls who are incredibly biased against boys. This boy did the equivalent of passing her a note saying he liked her. She replied, no thank you (I do think she should've dropped the snarky, "Umm". No need to be rude.). Other than that, this is not a harassment scenario, for crying out loud. The boy took it very well and sounds like a good guy. I'm sure his feelings were hurt, though - that's only natural, just as hers would have been hurt had the situation been reversed. It would have been kinder to leave out the snarkiness and just give him the straightforward, "No thanks."

Those of you with daughters, how would you feel if yours had told a boy she liked him, and he had responded, "Ummm, no thank you." I'm sure your daughter's feelings would have been crushed and I imagine you, as a parent, would hurt for them. Give this boy a break.

I have a 12 yr old DD and she probably wouldn't read the ummm as snarky in a text and can't think of one of her friends boy or girl who would. They aren't there yet and still tend to think literally.

And if my Df got such a message? So what? I wouldn't be hurt over it at all. I'd she was, I wouldn't try and not let her be hurt or upset. Things like this will happen a thousand times between now and adulthood. She needs to be able to cope with not nice behavior from boys and girls alike.

To the OP - DO NOT try and micromanage your child's dating/relationship life. It only leads to disaster. Stay out of it unless explicitly asked for help or unless of course you happen to notice any violence/abuse.

If my daughter got a message like that and her feelings were hurt, sure, I'd feel badly for her, because no one likes to see their child sad. But romantic rejection is part of life. I want her to be resilient, to learn to accept that sometimes attraction doesn't match up like we'd like it to. I want her to hear and respect someone's no, just like I want others to hear and respect her no. I want her to learn to say no when she means no, to be polite but not feel like she's responsible for other people's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this is perfectly in line with what's been going on since the dawn of time. It's not like he is evil and she needs protecting. Let your DD handle it.

+100
I think there are clearly some boy-haters out there, or at least parents of only girls who are incredibly biased against boys. This boy did the equivalent of passing her a note saying he liked her. She replied, no thank you (I do think she should've dropped the snarky, "Umm". No need to be rude.). Other than that, this is not a harassment scenario, for crying out loud. The boy took it very well and sounds like a good guy. I'm sure his feelings were hurt, though - that's only natural, just as hers would have been hurt had the situation been reversed. It would have been kinder to leave out the snarkiness and just give him the straightforward, "No thanks."

Those of you with daughters, how would you feel if yours had told a boy she liked him, and he had responded, "Ummm, no thank you." I'm sure your daughter's feelings would have been crushed and I imagine you, as a parent, would hurt for them. Give this boy a break.

I have a 12 yr old DD and she probably wouldn't read the ummm as snarky in a text and can't think of one of her friends boy or girl who would. They aren't there yet and still tend to think literally.

And if my Df got such a message? So what? I wouldn't be hurt over it at all. I'd she was, I wouldn't try and not let her be hurt or upset. Things like this will happen a thousand times between now and adulthood. She needs to be able to cope with not nice behavior from boys and girls alike.

To the OP - DO NOT try and micromanage your child's dating/relationship life. It only leads to disaster. Stay out of it unless explicitly asked for help or unless of course you happen to notice any violence/abuse.

If my daughter got a message like that and her feelings were hurt, sure, I'd feel badly for her, because no one likes to see their child sad. But romantic rejection is part of life. I want her to be resilient, to learn to accept that sometimes attraction doesn't match up like we'd like it to. I want her to hear and respect someone's no, just like I want others to hear and respect her no. I want her to learn to say no when she means no, to be polite but not feel like she's responsible for other people's feelings.

No one is disputing the girl saying no. Of course anyone should be able to politely decline the advances of either boys or girls. It was the snarky "Um" that many of us were objecting to. Totally unnecessary and rude. "No thank you" is sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Her response was fine, and I would not chastise her over the um.
Why?
Last message you want to give your 12 year old daughter when it comes to dating is that she has to be the nice girl and worry about the boys feelings, more than she would her other peers or friends.