What's a good response my DD can give?

[Anonymous]

We went through 12.5 yr old, 7th grade DD's texts this morning.

Apparently, a boy from school texted DD and told him he likes her. She replied, "Um, no thank you." (She didn't mean this in a mean way.)
He replied "Okay, see you Monday?"

I suggested that while it was great that she used manners with the thank you, it would come across nicer if she said, "I'd like us to just stay friends." But DD said to me "But we're NOT friends, and I don't want to be friends with him." Okay. This is fair. DD can be friends with whoever she wants, as long as she's polite to everyone. That's my rule.

What can she say to let a boy down nicely if this happens again? "I'd rather keep our relationship the way it is"? Something else?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything. This boy may be a jerk who is harassing your DD at school. Not to freak you out or anything but kids don't always tell their parents the whole story and maybe she needed to push back so he would stay away.

[Anonymous]

No thank you would have been fine. The "Um" implies hesitation or surprise. I would think there is more to it. Not necessarily anything bad, but I would ask more questions about her relationship with this boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything. This boy may be a jerk who is harassing your DD at school. Not to freak you out or anything but kids don't always tell their parents the whole story and maybe she needed to push back so he would stay away.

Nah, he's not harassing her. I'm fine with her pushing back; I just want her to be ... gentle with peoples' hearts, you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through 12.5 yr old, 7th grade DD's texts this morning.

Apparently, a boy from school texted DD and told him he likes her. She replied, "Um, no thank you." (She didn't mean this in a mean way.)
He replied "Okay, see you Monday?"

I suggested that while it was great that she used manners with the thank you, it would come across nicer if she said, "I'd like us to just stay friends." But DD said to me "But we're NOT friends, and I don't want to be friends with him." Okay. This is fair. DD can be friends with whoever she wants, as long as she's polite to everyone. That's my rule.

What can she say to let a boy down nicely if this happens again? "I'd rather keep our relationship the way it is"? Something else?

I think your daughter used appropriate language and set a clear boundary. I think what you are telling her to say sounds like you are training her to be a doormat.

Leave your daughter alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through 12.5 yr old, 7th grade DD's texts this morning.

Apparently, a boy from school texted DD and told him he likes her. She replied, "Um, no thank you." (She didn't mean this in a mean way.)
He replied "Okay, see you Monday?"

I suggested that while it was great that she used manners with the thank you, it would come across nicer if she said, "I'd like us to just stay friends." But DD said to me "But we're NOT friends, and I don't want to be friends with him." Okay. This is fair. DD can be friends with whoever she wants, as long as she's polite to everyone. That's my rule.

What can she say to let a boy down nicely if this happens again? "I'd rather keep our relationship the way it is"? Something else?

I think your daughter used appropriate language and set a clear boundary. I think what you are telling her to say sounds like you are training her to be a doormat.

Leave your daughter alone.

I DEFINITELY don't want her to be a doormat. I'll drop it with her and just keep an ear out to make sure she's able to set her boundaries without being mean. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

The Um makes it snarky. No thank you by itself is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Either way it looks like he took it well. I applaud him for that.

[Anonymous]

She did just fine.

I have a question, though. If she's not friends with him, why does he have her number?

[Anonymous]

How did he get her cellphone number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Um makes it snarky. No thank you by itself is just fine.

Yeah, nip this stupid "um" thing in the bud and she'll thank you later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She did just fine.

I have a question, though. If she's not friends with him, why does he have her number?

That boy asked a guy-friend of hers at school for it. She already told the guy-friend to not give out her phone number to anyone anymore without asking her first.

[Anonymous]

Um . . . the guy-friend is not much of a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um . . . the guy-friend is not much of a friend.

Eh, he actually is. He just screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um . . . the guy-friend is not much of a friend.

Eh, he actually is. He just screwed up.

Yeah, we can't assume kids don't make social mistakes at this age. It's part of the learning process.