What's a good response my DD can give?

[Anonymous]

I think she did fine. What you're looking for is something like this. "I am flattered but not interested. Sorry I don't share your feelings but thanks for letting me know."

[Anonymous]

How about you leave the 12 year old and her texts alone? Dear gods, would you have listened to every phone conversation before texting?

[Anonymous]

I think your DD's response was fine. She was polite enough. There are much, much, much more important things in life than being "nice" to men one is not interested in dating.

It's often better to set a clear boundary, even if it's a little hard for the man to accept, than to be overly nice and prolong the awkwardness. If they are not friends, it isn't really a kindness to pretend otherwise. Offering pseudo-friendship can just mean getting sucked into more and more interaction because the guy keeps his hopes up. They aren't friends and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

For a 12 year old, I think a no thank you without the um would have been fine.

[Anonymous]

Apparently, a boy from school texted DD and told him he likes her. She replied, "Um, no thank you." (She didn't mean this in a mean way.)
He replied "Okay, see you Monday?"

I suggested that while it was great that she used manners with the thank you, it would come across nicer if she said, "I'd like us to just stay friends." But DD said to me "But we're NOT friends, and I don't want to be friends with him." Okay. This is fair. DD can be friends with whoever she wants, as long as she's polite to everyone. That's my rule.

I think that regardless of what you do about the politeness issue, you talk to her about not giving out her number to people she isn't friends with.

[Anonymous]

Op, this is perfectly in line with what's been going on since the dawn of time. It's not like he is evil and she needs protecting. Let your DD handle it.

[Anonymous]

She did fine. So did he. No worries that I see.

[Anonymous]

I think you could fine tune this, yes, but I wouldn't.

I think it's great that your daughter knows she doesn't want to get involved with this boy. She's not responsible for salvaging his feelings. His own mother or father can teach him about ways to approach girls that are less all or nothing and that save face for him.

While I don't think he was harassing her or stalking, he may have sent the same text to a dozen girls in order to see whether any responded. I doubt he's home crying.

[Anonymous]

BTW, "I'd rather keep our relationship the way it is" is adult speak. It's not something a 12 year old says.

[Anonymous]

She did fine. Better than I did back in my 20's, frankly.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more important to teach 12 year old girls how to say a firm no - which she did, rather than a nice no. She was fine. She wasn't rude, she told him the truth. This is a good thing. Stop worrying so much about someone she wasn't friends with who got her number from someone else. Plus, he was fine.

[Anonymous]

For the life of me I can't understand how this involves you.

He awkwardly said he liked her. She awkwardly replied (but in private) that she is not.

Next day they go to school like it never happened.

Step away from the children.

[Anonymous]

Mom, you do more harm by being involved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything. This boy may be a jerk who is harassing your DD at school. Not to freak you out or anything but kids don't always tell their parents the whole story and maybe she needed to push back so he would stay away.

Nah, he's not harassing her. I'm fine with her pushing back; I just want her to be ... gentle with peoples' hearts, you know?

I think she did a great job with "no, thank you." Clear, kind, polite.

"Gentle with peoples' hearts" can translate to "ambiguous, still possible" to the recipient, especially if the recipient is a teenage boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this is perfectly in line with what's been going on since the dawn of time. It's not like he is evil and she needs protecting. Let your DD handle it.

+100
I think there are clearly some boy-haters out there, or at least parents of only girls who are incredibly biased against boys. This boy did the equivalent of passing her a note saying he liked her. She replied, no thank you (I do think she should've dropped the snarky, "Umm". No need to be rude.). Other than that, this is not a harassment scenario, for crying out loud. The boy took it very well and sounds like a good guy. I'm sure his feelings were hurt, though - that's only natural, just as hers would have been hurt had the situation been reversed. It would have been kinder to leave out the snarkiness and just give him the straightforward, "No thanks."

Those of you with daughters, how would you feel if yours had told a boy she liked him, and he had responded, "Ummm, no thank you." I'm sure your daughter's feelings would have been crushed and I imagine you, as a parent, would hurt for them. Give this boy a break.