How to deal with a teacher who doesn't want to deal with parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a cultural difference issue?

Come on now, don't go halfway there and stop. Say what you mean!!!

Yeah OP, are you saying she's Canadian!?!!

[Anonymous]

There are probably several teachers like that in the system but I think I know the teacher OP refers to. And I think it's a misunderstanding. I don't think she doesn't like to deal with parents. She just doesn't need them and feels like whatever it is you may want to "help" really effectively is creating additional distractions for her from teaching. She wants to devote her time to the 25 or so students and not their parents. If there is a problem, she'll let you know. I know so from experience. And if you feel something is needed, then just get it done without distracting her. I was in that classroom as a parent multiple times and it's one of the best organized classrooms I've ever seen. No lull moments for the students. Truly a teacher who has her attention focused 100% at all times on the students. If you want to be in that classroom for some reason, just go in, say "good morning Ms. X, I'm here to help if you like. Is there something I can do for you, photocopies, pick up your mail, sort something out, file something, look something up?". And if you'd like to discuss your child's progress, make an appointment. She won't speak off the cuff because she wants to be organized in speaking with you. She will come to the meeting with you with data and reports in hand and will make your and her time count. Sincerely one of the best teachers my child has had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a cultural difference issue?

Come on now, don't go halfway there and stop. Say what you mean!!!

Yeah OP, are you saying she's Canadian!?!!

Too funny, eh.

[Anonymous]

When I went to school -- before e-mail and mobile phones -- communications with the teacher were more limited. There was no expectation that a teacher should be responsible for responding to any and all parent inquiries, big and small, in a quality manner...within 24 hours or less of receipt. That would have been considered crazy, weird. And yet, there is a group of parents who seem to believe this is a reasonable expectation now, merely because technology makes this level of hyper communication possible.

Give your teacher a break. Especially this early in the school year. First grade is what, about 24 students? That's a lot of time wasted providing reassurance to parents that could have been spent on actual work for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's an integral part of the job. If she persists, jump straight to the principal's office. Knowing about your DC's education is a top part of your job as parent.

It is NOT part of the job to cater to overbearing parents. Some people take it too far. Her degree is in education not PR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are probably several teachers like that in the system but I think I know the teacher OP refers to. And I think it's a misunderstanding. I don't think she doesn't like to deal with parents. She just doesn't need them and feels like whatever it is you may want to "help" really effectively is creating additional distractions for her from teaching. She wants to devote her time to the 25 or so students and not their parents. If there is a problem, she'll let you know. I know so from experience. And if you feel something is needed, then just get it done without distracting her. I was in that classroom as a parent multiple times and it's one of the best organized classrooms I've ever seen. No lull moments for the students. Truly a teacher who has her attention focused 100% at all times on the students. If you want to be in that classroom for some reason, just go in, say "good morning Ms. X, I'm here to help if you like. Is there something I can do for you, photocopies, pick up your mail, sort something out, file something, look something up?". And if you'd like to discuss your child's progress, make an appointment. She won't speak off the cuff because she wants to be organized in speaking with you. She will come to the meeting with you with data and reports in hand and will make your and her time count. Sincerely one of the best teachers my child has had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are probably several teachers like that in the system but I think I know the teacher OP refers to. And I think it's a misunderstanding. I don't think she doesn't like to deal with parents. She just doesn't need them and feels like whatever it is you may want to "help" really effectively is creating additional distractions for her from teaching. She wants to devote her time to the 25 or so students and not their parents. If there is a problem, she'll let you know. I know so from experience. And if you feel something is needed, then just get it done without distracting her. I was in that classroom as a parent multiple times and it's one of the best organized classrooms I've ever seen. No lull moments for the students. Truly a teacher who has her attention focused 100% at all times on the students. If you want to be in that classroom for some reason, just go in, say "good morning Ms. X, I'm here to help if you like. Is there something I can do for you, photocopies, pick up your mail, sort something out, file something, look something up?". And if you'd like to discuss your child's progress, make an appointment. She won't speak off the cuff because she wants to be organized in speaking with you. She will come to the meeting with you with data and reports in hand and will make your and her time count. Sincerely one of the best teachers my child has had.

Any chance you can provide initials of said teacher you think is being referred?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
14:40 again. Just to give you some perspective, most developed countries have that kind of stay-out mentality. Teaching is left to the professionals, and parents are not welcome in schools, to interfere, distract or even be asked to grade assignments, which is a huge breach of privacy.

As you know, the US is way behind a lot of countries, developed and otherwise, in international high school achievement tests. Looking at the big picture, keeping parents out of schools doesn't hurt.

Good point. OP, when your child is being examined by a doctor, do you feel the need/right to ask the doctor the methods and rationale for his/her approach/procedures and the order of events in the treatment? I'm guessing you probably have confidence in the doctor's expertise, and you understand that the doctor's time is valuable, so he/she is not expected to give you a detailed play-by-play.

At first blush I thought this was ironic. Then I realized you were serious. If I questioned or didn't understand the course of treatment you are damn right I insert myself and ask questions. And if you don't then, respectfully, you aren't doing your job as a parent. The amount of commentary on the importance of managing and owning your own healthcare is staggering.

P.S. You should be an active participant in your own healthcare as well.

You don't understand the point I was attempting to make.

Yes, of course I ask questions if I don't understand the course of treatment. However, I don't expect the doctor to give me a play-by-play on a routine appointment, and I don't need to know what time the doctor is going to process or send off blood work after I leave, or what kind of instruments are in the cabinets, or what brand of cotton swab is being used, etc. My point is that people generally respect the time of other professionals, and they respect the professional's training and expertise, yet for some reason these same people expect teachers to devote much more time to chatter and communication about things that aren't essential and only detract from the time the teacher would otherwise spend planning/teaching. Classroom daily schedules (center times, carpet times, recess times, etc.) are NOT equivalent to a complicated medical treatment that would warrant intense and time consuming communication. They are more the equivalent of listening to a kid's heart during a routine check-up. It enrages me when people treat teachers as domestic staff rather than professionals.

Oh, and if someone else was taking up my doctor's time by asking inane questions about when exactly during a typical routine treatment he would listen to a kid's heart, and why the doctor had photographs of an owl on the wall, and when the doctor planned to update the window treatments in the office, I would hope that the doctor would "discourage communication" with that individual so that time could be spent on doing the things the doctor is trained to do.

I'm a professional. My time is very valuable. I am very, very senior and own a huge P&L (size matters sometimes). And I think my time is valuable. And the people who work for me's time is valuable. And people ask me and my team inane questions all day because we have an expertise they do not and we are relied on to treat them all professionally and respectfully and find ways to make them and their queries feel valuable and relevant. Sometimes I have to push them off for a while but I've never said or heard said about my profession what you assert is true about teachers. And anyone who operated in my org with the attitude espoused above would be counseled to change, and terminated if they couldn't adapt. It amazes me that teachers (and their little parrot supporters) seem to think that they are the only people who get treated like that.

P.S. You picked a bad analogy to make your point. While I respect that you doubled down, you set yourself up for failure with that choice.

Not the PP you were responding to, but you're missing the point completely. You don't allow non-experts to barge into your office and "help" you, do you? Just as you wouldn't expect a non-medic to treat you at the doctor's office? There are HUGE privacy and expertise concerns. Well, parents in a classroom are like that - they are not trained educators, and an hour of volunteer training does not make them that. The customer service you're implementing is probably what this teacher is implementing - except teachers are so hounded these days that she felt the need to set boundaries at the start of the year. No blame to her AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

If you have a question or cause for concern, send her an email, OP. I bet you'll get what you need.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. Email.

[Anonymous]

If she provides a weekly newsletter and answers parent inquiries in a timely manner then she is doing her job.

If she doesn't want or need parent volunteers in the classroom that is up to her.

If you like being involved in the school, join the PTA and attend any events the school may have like picnics, doughnuts with dad, fine arts night, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
14:40 again. Just to give you some perspective, most developed countries have that kind of stay-out mentality. Teaching is left to the professionals, and parents are not welcome in schools, to interfere, distract or even be asked to grade assignments, which is a huge breach of privacy.

As you know, the US is way behind a lot of countries, developed and otherwise, in international high school achievement tests. Looking at the big picture, keeping parents out of schools doesn't hurt.

Good point. OP, when your child is being examined by a doctor, do you feel the need/right to ask the doctor the methods and rationale for his/her approach/procedures and the order of events in the treatment? I'm guessing you probably have confidence in the doctor's expertise, and you understand that the doctor's time is valuable, so he/she is not expected to give you a detailed play-by-play.

At first blush I thought this was ironic. Then I realized you were serious. If I questioned or didn't understand the course of treatment you are damn right I insert myself and ask questions. And if you don't then, respectfully, you aren't doing your job as a parent. The amount of commentary on the importance of managing and owning your own healthcare is staggering.

P.S. You should be an active participant in your own healthcare as well.

You don't understand the point I was attempting to make.

Yes, of course I ask questions if I don't understand the course of treatment. However, I don't expect the doctor to give me a play-by-play on a routine appointment, and I don't need to know what time the doctor is going to process or send off blood work after I leave, or what kind of instruments are in the cabinets, or what brand of cotton swab is being used, etc. My point is that people generally respect the time of other professionals, and they respect the professional's training and expertise, yet for some reason these same people expect teachers to devote much more time to chatter and communication about things that aren't essential and only detract from the time the teacher would otherwise spend planning/teaching. Classroom daily schedules (center times, carpet times, recess times, etc.) are NOT equivalent to a complicated medical treatment that would warrant intense and time consuming communication. They are more the equivalent of listening to a kid's heart during a routine check-up. It enrages me when people treat teachers as domestic staff rather than professionals.

Oh, and if someone else was taking up my doctor's time by asking inane questions about when exactly during a typical routine treatment he would listen to a kid's heart, and why the doctor had photographs of an owl on the wall, and when the doctor planned to update the window treatments in the office, I would hope that the doctor would "discourage communication" with that individual so that time could be spent on doing the things the doctor is trained to do.

I'm a professional. My time is very valuable. I am very, very senior and own a huge P&L (size matters sometimes). And I think my time is valuable. And the people who work for me's time is valuable. And people ask me and my team inane questions all day because we have an expertise they do not and we are relied on to treat them all professionally and respectfully and find ways to make them and their queries feel valuable and relevant. Sometimes I have to push them off for a while but I've never said or heard said about my profession what you assert is true about teachers. And anyone who operated in my org with the attitude espoused above would be counseled to change, and terminated if they couldn't adapt. It amazes me that teachers (and their little parrot supporters) seem to think that they are the only people who get treated like that.

P.S. You picked a bad analogy to make your point. While I respect that you doubled down, you set yourself up for failure with that choice.

No, I didn't pick a bad analogy. You don't understand because you don't respect teachers or what they do; nothing would convince you that what you want from this teacher is not only detrimental to the students (because she should be spending time planning, not answering inane questions about when "center time" is held, or making you feel good about your time-wasting attempts to "help" her). YOU have "set YOURSELF up for failure" with your choice to plow ahead in your disrespectful behavior in the classroom, and you are setting your child up for failure because you are the kind of parent the teacher avoid; the teacher will also avoid stretching your child if there is a chance the child won't like it, and it will bring crazed, huffing, oh-so-important Mama Bear into her classroom. I feel so sorry for your children's teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a cultural difference issue?

Come on now, don't go halfway there and stop. Say what you mean!!!

Yeah OP, are you saying she's Canadian!?!!

I'm Canadian and I don't understand what this has to do with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I went to school -- before e-mail and mobile phones -- communications with the teacher were more limited. There was no expectation that a teacher should be responsible for responding to any and all parent inquiries, big and small, in a quality manner...within 24 hours or less of receipt. That would have been considered crazy, weird. And yet, there is a group of parents who seem to believe this is a reasonable expectation now, merely because technology makes this level of hyper communication possible.

Give your teacher a break. Especially this early in the school year. First grade is what, about 24 students? That's a lot of time wasted providing reassurance to parents that could have been spent on actual work for your children.

In our board, teachers are absolutely prohibited from corresponding to parents via email. Parents are not given the email address of their child's teacher either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
14:40 again. Just to give you some perspective, most developed countries have that kind of stay-out mentality. Teaching is left to the professionals, and parents are not welcome in schools, to interfere, distract or even be asked to grade assignments, which is a huge breach of privacy.

As you know, the US is way behind a lot of countries, developed and otherwise, in international high school achievement tests. Looking at the big picture, keeping parents out of schools doesn't hurt.

Good point. OP, when your child is being examined by a doctor, do you feel the need/right to ask the doctor the methods and rationale for his/her approach/procedures and the order of events in the treatment? I'm guessing you probably have confidence in the doctor's expertise, and you understand that the doctor's time is valuable, so he/she is not expected to give you a detailed play-by-play.

At first blush I thought this was ironic. Then I realized you were serious. If I questioned or didn't understand the course of treatment you are damn right I insert myself and ask questions. And if you don't then, respectfully, you aren't doing your job as a parent. The amount of commentary on the importance of managing and owning your own healthcare is staggering.

P.S. You should be an active participant in your own healthcare as well.

You don't understand the point I was attempting to make.

Yes, of course I ask questions if I don't understand the course of treatment. However, I don't expect the doctor to give me a play-by-play on a routine appointment, and I don't need to know what time the doctor is going to process or send off blood work after I leave, or what kind of instruments are in the cabinets, or what brand of cotton swab is being used, etc. My point is that people generally respect the time of other professionals, and they respect the professional's training and expertise, yet for some reason these same people expect teachers to devote much more time to chatter and communication about things that aren't essential and only detract from the time the teacher would otherwise spend planning/teaching. Classroom daily schedules (center times, carpet times, recess times, etc.) are NOT equivalent to a complicated medical treatment that would warrant intense and time consuming communication. They are more the equivalent of listening to a kid's heart during a routine check-up. It enrages me when people treat teachers as domestic staff rather than professionals.

Oh, and if someone else was taking up my doctor's time by asking inane questions about when exactly during a typical routine treatment he would listen to a kid's heart, and why the doctor had photographs of an owl on the wall, and when the doctor planned to update the window treatments in the office, I would hope that the doctor would "discourage communication" with that individual so that time could be spent on doing the things the doctor is trained to do.

I'm a professional. My time is very valuable. I am very, very senior and own a huge P&L (size matters sometimes). And I think my time is valuable. And the people who work for me's time is valuable. And people ask me and my team inane questions all day because we have an expertise they do not and we are relied on to treat them all professionally and respectfully and find ways to make them and their queries feel valuable and relevant. Sometimes I have to push them off for a while but I've never said or heard said about my profession what you assert is true about teachers. And anyone who operated in my org with the attitude espoused above would be counseled to change, and terminated if they couldn't adapt. It amazes me that teachers (and their little parrot supporters) seem to think that they are the only people who get treated like that.

P.S. You picked a bad analogy to make your point. While I respect that you doubled down, you set yourself up for failure with that choice.

No, I didn't pick a bad analogy. You don't understand because you don't respect teachers or what they do; nothing would convince you that what you want from this teacher is not only detrimental to the students (because she should be spending time planning, not answering inane questions about when "center time" is held, or making you feel good about your time-wasting attempts to "help" her). YOU have "set YOURSELF up for failure" with your choice to plow ahead in your disrespectful behavior in the classroom, and you are setting your child up for failure because you are the kind of parent the teacher avoid; the teacher will also avoid stretching your child if there is a chance the child won't like it, and it will bring crazed, huffing, oh-so-important Mama Bear into her classroom. I feel so sorry for your children's teachers.

I agree. Why do these inane details matter to parents so much. It's silly and controlling on the parents part. You have it exactly right.