How do you know you're being strung along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 38 year old SIL is constantly strung along. It's so obvious to everyone but her. She is desperate to find someone to marry and she is repeatedly put in to a situation where she is waiting for a guy. Waiting for him to work on his problems in life, end his marriage, get over his divorce, his kids aren't ready for him to date, he's having health problems, and so on.
It always ends badly for her.

Sounds like she seeks out "unavailable" men. Some women do this. There's a whole cottage industry of therapists who deal with this.

PP here. Bottom feeders are the only ones that seem to give her the time of day. They're always full of problems. She's a 38 year old single mom, never married, never lived on her own.
Lives with her 65 year old mom. I am a believer that we don't attract what we want, we attract what we are. Until she's willing to step up and become something, her cycle will repeat.

And she is hardly likely to step up and believe she is worth more with relatives like you standing in the wings to cut her down.

And there we go with the uninformed cheap shot. You have no idea what's been done to help her. That we've paid for her continued education, or that I've spent 7 unsuccessful years encouraging her in ways to transcend this situation.

It's no cheap shot it's a comment on your negative attitude. Doesn't matter what you think you may have done to help her, your lack of respect shines through and if we can see that she is bound to pick up on it. It sounds like you have infantilized her with interfering also.

And the SIL's choices have NOTHING to do with anything.

She's not here to say now, is she? We are only getting the one-sided view of the negative, patronizing relative who thinks she knows it all.

[Anonymous]

"Strung along", to me, is equivalent of "not that into you" OR "not that into being in the kind of relationship you want".

You know it's happening when the other person doesn't reciprocate your level of interest and/or committment. Want to know if it's happening to you? Ask the other person where they see the relationship going and how they feel about it. Compare that to what you want and how you feel. A mismatch indicates that it is time to reevaluate the relationship and likely move on. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP? If you have to write a post asking what it looks like, I can guarantee you're being strung along.

A partner should make it known in no uncertain terms that you are important to him/her. If they don't, they aren't that into you. Let it go.

+5 million. It takes a good deal of self awareness, but you know when you're a priority. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to walk away from "potential" that, ultimately, is never realized.
What exactly is it that's making you ask this question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Strung along", to me, is equivalent of "not that into you" OR "not that into being in the kind of relationship you want".

You know it's happening when the other person doesn't reciprocate your level of interest and/or committment. Want to know if it's happening to you? Ask the other person where they see the relationship going and how they feel about it. Compare that to what you want and how you feel. A mismatch indicates that it is time to reevaluate the relationship and likely move on. GL.

I think this is very good advice. I'm a guy and have only been strung along once or twice. It becomes clear when you realize the level of interest isn't really reciprocal. Men and women can be "commitment phobic" and kind of string you along - they aren't able to move forward, but don't really want to let you go either.

I most recently went through this with an "emotionally unavailable" woman who would be hot-then-cold-then-hot-then-cold. More than once I had the "gee, you don't really seem to like me that much...is that true?". Each time she'd backpedal hard and things would get slightly better for a while, and then gradually revert. I think she actually did like me, but had massive commitment (trust, terrible daddy) issues. This crap started 3 months into the relationship, and I foolishly dragged on with it for 18 months. Ultimately, she settled for plan-b, a guy she'd put into the friendzone, but kept on ice as her emergency backup (for when even IVF was about to disappear as an option), and went with him. I actually was pretty lucky, because I met my now-wife, who is a gazillion times better (and emotionally available).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I don't subscribe to the belief that there are Machiavellian daters out there who are dating for the sole purpose of.... I dont know what. Wasting their own time? Getting someone else's hopes up just for the sick pleasure of seeing disappoint?

Nope. Dating takes time/money investment from both sides, so I tend to believe that if the relationship doesn't progress in the way i wanted it to, that I did something to mess it up. Or we aren't compatible. Or they realize I'm not the one for them.

But think that I've been "strung along"- somehow bamboozled? Nah.

You are very stupid and deluded. You will make an easy target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP? If you have to write a post asking what it looks like, I can guarantee you're being strung along.

A partner should make it known in no uncertain terms that you are important to him/her. If they don't, they aren't that into you. Let it go.

+5 million. It takes a good deal of self awareness, but you know when you're a priority. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to walk away from "potential" that, ultimately, is never realized.
What exactly is it that's making you ask this question?

OP here. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and I don't feel included or accepted into his family.He told me at the start that his mother, especially, was never very nice to his girlfriends and that is why his relationships failed. So he kept me away from her for a long time until I insisted I be a part of his family life and that they should know I exist. His mother now knows I exist, we've met thrice. And she's cordial but I'm not close with his siblings either. All his best friends are best friends with his mom and dad and used to hang around his house growing up. Its weird to me to know that here I am so in love with him but...I'm not a part of his life back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP? If you have to write a post asking what it looks like, I can guarantee you're being strung along.

A partner should make it known in no uncertain terms that you are important to him/her. If they don't, they aren't that into you. Let it go.

+5 million. It takes a good deal of self awareness, but you know when you're a priority. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to walk away from "potential" that, ultimately, is never realized.
What exactly is it that's making you ask this question?

OP here. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and I don't feel included or accepted into his family.He told me at the start that his mother, especially, was never very nice to his girlfriends and that is why his relationships failed. So he kept me away from her for a long time until I insisted I be a part of his family life and that they should know I exist. His mother now knows I exist, we've met thrice. And she's cordial but I'm not close with his siblings either. All his best friends are best friends with his mom and dad and used to hang around his house growing up. Its weird to me to know that here I am so in love with him but...I'm not a part of his life back home.

Why on earth would you want to marry into such bullshit? If I wasn't accepted by family, I'd move on. Plenty of fish in the sea and all, even in DC where dating is more difficult for women because there are more women then men here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know you are being strung along when there are repeated red flags that arise and something strikes you wrong instinctively.
When you find yourself making excuses for the person you're dating, or hiding things about them from people that you care about.
When you're repeatedly being let down, when they start making excuses on a regular basis for why things aren't happening as they should.
When you're obviously the last on the priority list and everything else comes first.

Desperate people tolerate this.

My post-college boyfriend. Living together and lots of red flags that I choose to ignore. The breaking point was when I went home to visit my Mom and Dad for Christmas and he went to visit his Dad. Christmas came and went and he never even bothered to call me. And we were living together at the time. As you can imagine,we broke up a short time later. What a jerk! Alas, life goes on. I've been happily together and married (to someone else thank goodness) for 16+ years. Move on, OP!

[Anonymous]

Whenever the dude shows you he's an asshat. You just know. He's not that into you.

Any cancelled dates or maybe we can connect tonight while I'm out are red flags that you are just his back burner bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP? If you have to write a post asking what it looks like, I can guarantee you're being strung along.

A partner should make it known in no uncertain terms that you are important to him/her. If they don't, they aren't that into you. Let it go.

+5 million. It takes a good deal of self awareness, but you know when you're a priority. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to walk away from "potential" that, ultimately, is never realized.
What exactly is it that's making you ask this question?

OP here. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and I don't feel included or accepted into his family.He told me at the start that his mother, especially, was never very nice to his girlfriends and that is why his relationships failed. So he kept me away from her for a long time until I insisted I be a part of his family life and that they should know I exist. His mother now knows I exist, we've met thrice. And she's cordial but I'm not close with his siblings either. All his best friends are best friends with his mom and dad and used to hang around his house growing up. Its weird to me to know that here I am so in love with him but...I'm not a part of his life back home.

This is very bad news OP. What are they some Mayflower descendants who think they should only breed with royalty from Europe? It sounds like its an issue surrounding finances and snobbery. He simply cannot be serious about you if you're not accepted by the family. Time to call him on it and / or move on.

[Anonymous]

A good sign that you are being strung along is if the other person does not make you a full priority in their lives. Someone who perhaps takes you for granted and does not talk about future plans with you.

But overall, listen to your gut. It is your defense mechanism that something is "off."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP? If you have to write a post asking what it looks like, I can guarantee you're being strung along.

A partner should make it known in no uncertain terms that you are important to him/her. If they don't, they aren't that into you. Let it go.

+5 million. It takes a good deal of self awareness, but you know when you're a priority. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to walk away from "potential" that, ultimately, is never realized.
What exactly is it that's making you ask this question?

OP here. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and I don't feel included or accepted into his family.He told me at the start that his mother, especially, was never very nice to his girlfriends and that is why his relationships failed. So he kept me away from her for a long time until I insisted I be a part of his family life and that they should know I exist. His mother now knows I exist, we've met thrice. And she's cordial but I'm not close with his siblings either. All his best friends are best friends with his mom and dad and used to hang around his house growing up. Its weird to me to know that here I am so in love with him but...I'm not a part of his life back home.

I'll go a little against the grain in that I don't require acceptance by the family (or friends) to feel connected to my partner. But it depends entirely on how HE handles them. If he accedes to their BS and makes me feel unwelcome or like an outsider, then my problem is with him. If he stands up for me/us, they can kiss both our asses.

Unfortunately, I haven't come across many men who are prepared to be the "bad guy" so inevitably, the poison from the friends/family infects the relationship. Blaming his mother for his failing relationships sounds weak as hell to me and is a major red flag that you will be coming in second (last?) to her/their wishes for all eternity. Disengage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP? If you have to write a post asking what it looks like, I can guarantee you're being strung along.

A partner should make it known in no uncertain terms that you are important to him/her. If they don't, they aren't that into you. Let it go.

+5 million. It takes a good deal of self awareness, but you know when you're a priority. It also takes a tremendous amount of strength to walk away from "potential" that, ultimately, is never realized.
What exactly is it that's making you ask this question?

OP here. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and I don't feel included or accepted into his family.He told me at the start that his mother, especially, was never very nice to his girlfriends and that is why his relationships failed. So he kept me away from her for a long time until I insisted I be a part of his family life and that they should know I exist. His mother now knows I exist, we've met thrice. And she's cordial but I'm not close with his siblings either. All his best friends are best friends with his mom and dad and used to hang around his house growing up. Its weird to me to know that here I am so in love with him but...I'm not a part of his life back home.

So, there is a track record of this dude's relationships. I suspect mom doesn't want her son to get married for some reason.