How do your high schoolers talk to adults? A vent and sincere question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is shy, but he is respectful.

Adults seem to like him, and report back positively, so I think he's doing ok.

Did you actively teach him, or did he just kick it up from observing/experience?

Modeled it. I suppose I actively taught, too, since that is what parenting is all about, but I had good material to work with.

[Anonymous]

They speak openly, freely, and respectfully although not overly deferentially to adults. We have always spoken with our children as young adults even when they were small children which now as teens seems to be paying dividends. One caveat however has been through the years there have been a few instances when adults in power positions who expect children to cower in their presence have actively disliked our children.

[Anonymous]

3 tween and teen kids - they say sir and ma'am (DH is military, he taught them that). They put down their phones when addressing adults (my pet peeve, I taught them that). They don't uptalk, they know how to speak in public (again me). If there are not enough seats in the room, they give their seat to an adult. Etc. It's not generational, it's how they were raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am tired of going to the neighborhood pool, saying hi to the lifeguards at the front desk, and having them totally ignore me. Noses never come out of their phones. Not one word. Last weekend, I asked one lifeguard (who also didn't return my greeting) what their pool hours would be during this first week of school, and she said, "it's back there on the board."

When I was a teen, I would always greet a customer. And I would have told them both what the hours were as well as that the hours are posted on the board. Or I'd say, " I'm afraid I forgot. They are written over here. Let me check."

Kids these days, eh? We didn't behave like that when I was young!

-every generation, ever

Maybe valid if it's a random teen, but I would have thought the bar was higher for an employed teen.

[Anonymous]

Pool staff last summer was local and rude and irresponsible. This summer, new pool management and a bunch of Eastern European kids. They are way better. I worry about them cycling home in the dark though.

[Anonymous]

I'm waging the Battle for Good Manners too. And I don't mind correcting any ankle biter that I encounter that displays rude behavior. Especially if they're at my house. I'm a big fan of 'Because I Said So" to any 'why' responses.

Making eye contact and speaking clearly are two of the best life skills that you can teach your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not taught anymore.

I've helped run Girl Scout cookie booths. I'll tell the girls if they want to eat a snack, they need to move away from the table. Their parents will contradict me. "Larla needs a little snack, it's no big deal, she can stay here." I'll tell the girls they need to stand up and present the customer with an attitude of preparedness, rather than be seated and chatting with their friends. Their parents will contradict me. "Larla's tired. We're here for two hours. It's no big deal to sit." I'll tell the girls they can't play under/around the table, if they need a break grab a friend and an adult and go for a little walk. Their parents will contradict me. "No one's buying anything right now, as soon as someone comes up they'll stop."

Why are you telling other people's kids what to do. That's at least as rude as any of the behavior being attributed to kids on this thread.

Because I'm the adult volunteer in charge of the booth. The children's parents did not sign up to volunteer. They're typically standing near the booth chatting with their friends. Once those parents leave, the children are better about listening, but they're certainly not learning appropriate customer service behavior from their parents so I don't expect they'll exhibit it when they're on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a teen DD, age 16. My DD is exceptionally kind, polite and respectful to adults, especially the elderly. Partly exposure to elderly family members, partly cultural, partly her personality and partly because I insisted that even as a very young, shy child, she MUST acknowledge adults and certainly respond to any questions. Doesn't have to be talkative, but must acknowledge.

I work with teenagers in a school setting now - my approach is to lead with kindness and patience. It's not always returned.

In general, manners aren't being taught at home anymore. and yes, I sound like I am 85.

There's a pervasive sense of entitlement, beyond typical teen angst/development. My theory is that we explain way too much to our very young children instead of dealing in absolutes. They grow up second-guessing or analyzing how certain rules may or may not apply to him/her. Too many nuances and not enough firm absolutes.

Spot on!

This is exactly right. A friend and I were discussing this situation yesterday and this is what we were missing. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

To answer the OP, my teens are very respectful to adults, and their friends are respectful toward me. Maybe I'm lucky?

[Anonymous]

My theory is that we explain way too much to our very young children instead of dealing in absolutes.

I agree 100%. I'm tired of seeing parents "scold" their children. "Now Johnny, it's never nice to grab something out of someone's hand." You tell Johnny not to do it again, or else Johnny will suffer consequences.

lazy, overindulgent parenting

[Anonymous]

I have had the opposite experience. Most of the high schoolers/early college kids I have met have been so poised, accomplished and respectful. I know I wasn't like them at their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not taught anymore.

I've helped run Girl Scout cookie booths. I'll tell the girls if they want to eat a snack, they need to move away from the table. Their parents will contradict me. "Larla needs a little snack, it's no big deal, she can stay here." I'll tell the girls they need to stand up and present the customer with an attitude of preparedness, rather than be seated and chatting with their friends. Their parents will contradict me. "Larla's tired. We're here for two hours. It's no big deal to sit." I'll tell the girls they can't play under/around the table, if they need a break grab a friend and an adult and go for a little walk. Their parents will contradict me. "No one's buying anything right now, as soon as someone comes up they'll stop."

Why are you telling other people's kids what to do. That's at least as rude as any of the behavior being attributed to kids on this thread.

Behold! Someone who is part of the problem...