How do your high schoolers talk to adults? A vent and sincere question

[Anonymous]

I am tired of going to the neighborhood pool, saying hi to the lifeguards at the front desk, and having them totally ignore me. Noses never come out of their phones. Not one word. Last weekend, I asked one lifeguard (who also didn't return my greeting) what their pool hours would be during this first week of school, and she said, "it's back there on the board."

When I was a teen, I would always greet a customer. And I would have told them both what the hours were as well as that the hours are posted on the board. Or I'd say, " I'm afraid I forgot. They are written over here. Let me check."

And I don't mind checking the board myself. It's just the blunt tone and lack of very basic manners that I find really disconcerting.

So I wonder, do you proactively teach your kids how to have these basic "business" conversations with adults (everyone really)? Do you assume they will just mimic you?

FWIW, I was a teen lifeguard too. We didn't receive any training on how to interact with a customer. When I worked at a fast food restaurant, though, it was a significant part of the training. But my parents also taught me to say things like, "hi, how are you today?" I wonder if it's not really taught anymore or if it's a casuality of smart phones.

[Anonymous]

Be like Elsa and let it go.

[Anonymous]

The guards at our pool are lovely.

[Anonymous]

It's not taught anymore.

I've helped run Girl Scout cookie booths. I'll tell the girls if they want to eat a snack, they need to move away from the table. Their parents will contradict me. "Larla needs a little snack, it's no big deal, she can stay here." I'll tell the girls they need to stand up and present the customer with an attitude of preparedness, rather than be seated and chatting with their friends. Their parents will contradict me. "Larla's tired. We're here for two hours. It's no big deal to sit." I'll tell the girls they can't play under/around the table, if they need a break grab a friend and an adult and go for a little walk. Their parents will contradict me. "No one's buying anything right now, as soon as someone comes up they'll stop."

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing those teenagers talk to their parents the same way. I don't think it's all teenagers. I have friends with teen kids, and they don't talk to me that way. Maybe it's because they know me. But, the teens at our pool seem to be pretty polite, and look at you in the eye when they talk to you.

[Anonymous]

My teen has good days and bad days. How she is doing personally impacts her interaction with others more than I'd like. We've talked about it and she in working on it. All part of the learning process.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a teen DD, age 16. My DD is exceptionally kind, polite and respectful to adults, especially the elderly. Partly exposure to elderly family members, partly cultural, partly her personality and partly because I insisted that even as a very young, shy child, she MUST acknowledge adults and certainly respond to any questions. Doesn't have to be talkative, but must acknowledge.

I work with teenagers in a school setting now - my approach is to lead with kindness and patience. It's not always returned.

In general, manners aren't being taught at home anymore. and yes, I sound like I am 85.

There's a pervasive sense of entitlement, beyond typical teen angst/development. My theory is that we explain way too much to our very young children instead of dealing in absolutes. They grow up second-guessing or analyzing how certain rules may or may not apply to him/her. Too many nuances and not enough firm absolutes.

[Anonymous]

Are you local? I find that most people who have a customer service role in this area behave that way, regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a teen DD, age 16. My DD is exceptionally kind, polite and respectful to adults, especially the elderly. Partly exposure to elderly family members, partly cultural, partly her personality and partly because I insisted that even as a very young, shy child, she MUST acknowledge adults and certainly respond to any questions. Doesn't have to be talkative, but must acknowledge.

I work with teenagers in a school setting now - my approach is to lead with kindness and patience. It's not always returned.

In general, manners aren't being taught at home anymore. and yes, I sound like I am 85.

There's a pervasive sense of entitlement, beyond typical teen angst/development. My theory is that we explain way too much to our very young children instead of dealing in absolutes. They grow up second-guessing or analyzing how certain rules may or may not apply to him/her. Too many nuances and not enough firm absolutes.

Spot on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you local? I find that most people who have a customer service role in this area behave that way, regardless of age.

It isn't a teen thing, it is a lack of manners & customer service.

[Anonymous]

All the teens I know look parents in the eye and say, "Hello, Mrs. <lastname>"

If there is a conversation to be had they are polite and engaged. I will say that sometimes they seem disinterested, but duh, they are.

Every once in a while they will look down or at their phone for say, "hey" and then "woops.. oh i mean" , "Hello, Mrs. <lastname>"

Conversations are not stellar with most teens but they are learning how to communicate. It a process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a teen DD, age 16. My DD is exceptionally kind, polite and respectful to adults, especially the elderly. Partly exposure to elderly family members, partly cultural, partly her personality and partly because I insisted that even as a very young, shy child, she MUST acknowledge adults and certainly respond to any questions. Doesn't have to be talkative, but must acknowledge.

I work with teenagers in a school setting now - my approach is to lead with kindness and patience. It's not always returned.

In general, manners aren't being taught at home anymore. and yes, I sound like I am 85.

There's a pervasive sense of entitlement, beyond typical teen angst/development. My theory is that we explain way too much to our very young children instead of dealing in absolutes. They grow up second-guessing or analyzing how certain rules may or may not apply to him/her. Too many nuances and not enough firm absolutes.

Spot on!

Yes!!!

[Anonymous]

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Many affluent people do not teach their kids to speak to adults. When you ask the child a question, the child grunts (if you are lucky), and the adult answers. I have never understood if there was some magical age at which they expect their kids to learn to have a conversation.
I think it is cultural or regional. In my family, we were expected to be able to look at adults when they spoke to us, and carry on a short, polite conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a teen DD, age 16. My DD is exceptionally kind, polite and respectful to adults, especially the elderly. Partly exposure to elderly family members, partly cultural, partly her personality and partly because I insisted that even as a very young, shy child, she MUST acknowledge adults and certainly respond to any questions. Doesn't have to be talkative, but must acknowledge.

I work with teenagers in a school setting now - my approach is to lead with kindness and patience. It's not always returned.

In general, manners aren't being taught at home anymore. and yes, I sound like I am 85.

There's a pervasive sense of entitlement, beyond typical teen angst/development. My theory is that we explain way too much to our very young children instead of dealing in absolutes. They grow up second-guessing or analyzing how certain rules may or may not apply to him/her. Too many nuances and not enough firm absolutes.

How true.

My oldest has Asperger's -teaching him to look people in the eye when they ask him a question is hard. However, he is always polite - I guess it comes from being rigid about rules! Silver lining.

[Anonymous]

13:27 back to say that that it is reassuring to hear that I'm not alone in my observations. I feel like I'm waging a one-Mom war sometimes!

The thing that appalls me is the sassiness I see in young children and how they openly challenge, correct and defy adults. I see it with my nieces and nephews, in the classroom, at church activities, coaching - and with my own kids (but at least I can intervene).

Most concerning is the experience of having a young (7-10) year old neighbor kid respond, "why?" when I announce that it is time to help clean up, or go home or move his bike out of the driveway. I was raised that the correct answer in the above situations was, "Yes, Mrs. Smith." Not "really?" or "how come?"