Admissions and Applicants from Divorced Students

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If ex-spouse is a jackass just don't take him/her with you on school visits.

Not possible with joint legal custody. Since these decisions must be joint, one parent cannot ban the other from school visits and/or interviews, even if they would think it would help their child's chances of getting accepted.

Sorry to hear it! If my ex had accompanied me on school visits, DS definitely would not have been accepted at a big 3. So glad that I have sole custody.

Through the years, I've had friends tell me that their ex's demanded that they receive copies of grade reports from the school or they wanted to attend parent-teacher conferences and the school banned them because only one of the parents was listed as the tuition payer. I assume in these cases they didn't have a joint legal custody arrangement.

[Anonymous]

19:01 Sole versus joint, world of difference.

[Anonymous]

As a single mother, I just wish I could have gotten my ex to come to some of the damn school visits! We have joint legal custody (though the kids live with me) and their dear old dad was always MUCH too busy to waste his time with school applications.

that said, I really do not think you should worry, OP. Despite my divorced status and the complete absence of the children's father at school visits, my kids got into several excellent private schools. I talked a but about the divorce in the essays-- just saying, "this has been a tough year for the children and they've handled it well, but this is part of what makes me really want a good school where they will thrive." And they did just fine.

[Anonymous]

If you already have a kid at the school, with the sib factor outweigh the divorce factor? The school prides itself on being a "family school"; wonder if that extends to broken families?

I haven't filed yet and am now wondering if I should wait a year (ugh!) until next admissions season is over. I'm the main breadwinner and can pay tuition fine without him, but don't fall into the crazy rich category (there's no Carrera, no trust fund, no donation for a wing forthcoming).

[Anonymous]

21:59 Sibs are sibs. Without knowing a thing about your situation, I would think waiting a full year for admissions and admissions alone would not be necessary. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Good grief, who wouldn't want a child's non-custodial parent to receive grade reports and be permitted to attend parent-teacher conferences. It's their child's education we're talking about. Why wouldn't a parent have a right to participate fully just because he or she doesn't have custody. Wow. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, who wouldn't want a child's non-custodial parent to receive grade reports and be permitted to attend parent-teacher conferences. It's their child's education we're talking about. Why wouldn't a parent have a right to participate fully just because he or she doesn't have custody. Wow. Just wow.

A custodial parent who isn't receiving a lick of child support, that's who! A parent who avoids paying child support, and blows in and out of his children's lives no longer has the right to fully participate in their education.

[Anonymous]

Amen.

[Anonymous]

And how the heck would a school know if a non-custodial parent is doing those terrible things in a way that justifies locking him or her out of the educational process? Is this an assumption schools should make about non-custodial parents? What about non-custodial parents who have tried unsuccessfully to obtain joint custody, or who have agreed to sole custody because they believed that it was in the best interest of their child (whether to avoid the fight or otherwise). I know of one woman whose ex-husband has full custody because she was going through, and continues to struggle with, severe depression. Should she be shut out of the school processes because she acted in her kids' best interests? I have several married friends whose husband's are pretty terrible and neglectful, but I can't imagine their being shut out like this. I just don't think it is a school's business to determine which parents are entitled to be fully engaged in the educational process if they choose to be. Again, just wow.

[Anonymous]

I just don't think it is a school's business to determine which parents are entitled to be fully engaged in the educational process if they choose to be. Again, just wow.

It's not. It's the parents' business. They make the appointments. Schools can't be expected to sort this out.

[Anonymous]

PP here: I should have written it's the parents' business and their lawyers if one parent doesn't like the other way the other parent is proceeding with the school admissions process. The point is that schools do not make these calls, nor should they. If one [arent makes appointments and shuts the other out, they're pretty powerless, because asking for a separate meeting is going to telegraph that they don't have a good working relationship. It also comes off as though they're high maintenance. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here: I should have written it's the parents' business and their lawyers if one parent doesn't like the other way the other parent is proceeding with the school admissions process. The point is that schools do not make these calls, nor should they. If one [arent makes appointments and shuts the other out, they're pretty powerless, because asking for a separate meeting is going to telegraph that they don't have a good working relationship. It also comes off as though they're high maintenance. Not good.

At our school, if the other parent isn't listed (has signed) the child's enrollment contract as being financially responsible for tuition, the school will not provide copies of report cards or allow that parent to attend parent-teacher conferences.

[Anonymous]

PP, that's true. I had to request that the school send all reports to both of us (since only I am financially responsible).

[Anonymous]

9:46 The school will refuse to do this even if the signatory requests it? I know some parents where one pays full tuition yet both parents get all school communications. At some schools, there's a modest two-household fee for extra postage, duplicates (like the directory and other published material).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:46 The school will refuse to do this even if the signatory requests it? I know some parents where one pays full tuition yet both parents get all school communications. At some schools, there's a modest two-household fee for extra postage, duplicates (like the directory and other published material).

I would assume if there was a letter on file from the signatory they would grant the request.