Admissions and Applicants from Divorced Students

[Anonymous]

Here's my data point for your sample.

In my DC's school, there are divorced parents but without exception, they either get along very well or the child(ren) is/are being raised by a single parent with no contact with the other parent. I can understand a school not wanting domestic drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But isn't there also a bias that you need both parents (read Dad) to be involved because they want to make sure you will pay, donate, etc.? What about the situaiton where the divorced or separated mom is the (relatively) big money maker and clearly driving the train on the private school thing?

Or is it really they just want kids with no drama in their home life?

All of the above.

The fact is that adding families to a private school community is always a risky endeavor. A few wacko parents can spoil it for everyone. Wackos are not terribly easy to spot during an admission interview or tour, or review of the scant few personal details on the application forms. The fact of a divorce is thus one of the few discernable red flags for an AD. True, there are many reasons why otherwise compassionate, kind, level-headed, and sane people are simply not compatible. On ther other hand, look around you at all of those divorced couples - one of them usually fits into the wacko category. If you're an AD, why take the risk? The answer is typically they do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my data point for your sample.

In my DC's school, there are divorced parents but without exception, they either get along very well or the child(ren) is/are being raised by a single parent with no contact with the other parent. I can understand a school not wanting domestic drama.

I'll add that at our Big 3, where divorced families make up less than 5% of the community, there are two categories: 1) single mother on financial aid; 2) single parent, usually the mother, who is very, very wealthy.

[Anonymous]

At our private school, I know of only one divorced family in our child's grade, and the divorced parents co-parent in a very cooperative manner. There is no drama whatsoever from them.

[Anonymous]

Just a thought - seriously unhappily married parents probably more of a stressor on child than very happily divorced parents. Unfortunately, these matters are hard to figure out during the application process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my data point for your sample.

In my DC's school, there are divorced parents but without exception, they either get along very well or the child(ren) is/are being raised by a single parent with no contact with the other parent. I can understand a school not wanting domestic drama.

I'll add that at our Big 3, where divorced families make up less than 5% of the community, there are two categories: 1) single mother on financial aid; 2) single parent, usually the mother, who is very, very wealthy.

Do private schools really have single moms on financial aid? I am in that category and wondered if a school would ever want my child b/c I would require some serious FA.

[Anonymous]

How would they even know if you are married or divorced or anything? I was never asked. I went to all the tours and interviews by myself because my husband travels all the time plus I don't use my married name (or wedding ring for that matter).
My child got into 2 very competitive schools. I really don't remember it being an issue at all.

[Anonymous]

The applications clearly ask for address of child, mother's address, father's address.

[Anonymous]

And name of step-parent if there has been remarriage.

19:21 Yes, they do. You'd have a shot if everything else was in order (playdate if young, interview if older, grades, test scores).

[Anonymous]

I would think divorced parents applying together would be favorable, actually, as it demonstrates that they are in agreement about the value of the education and have determined that they can afford it (whatever the circumstances). Most of the couples we know that end up divorcing pull their kids out right away (and either move to the burbs or make due with the local public.). I'm sure there is plenty of attrition from families divorcing after they enroll - why not take a few that are working together to educate their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my data point for your sample.

In my DC's school, there are divorced parents but without exception, they either get along very well or the child(ren) is/are being raised by a single parent with no contact with the other parent. I can understand a school not wanting domestic drama.

I'll add that at our Big 3, where divorced families make up less than 5% of the community, there are two categories: 1) single mother on financial aid; 2) single parent, usually the mother, who is very, very wealthy.

Do private schools really have single moms on financial aid? I am in that category and wondered if a school would ever want my child b/c I would require some serious FA.

Yes, my DS is at a school where there are several single moms (fathers completely out of the picture or hardly involved). There is socioeconomic, as well as, racial diversity. If your child has high test scores, great recs, and grades, start your search this fall. Clear to me that single, working moms are placed in a diversity category at the school. It never occurred to me that my status as a divorced/single mom would be looked at unfavorably by an AD. My DS has attended top-tier private schools for over 8 years.

Good luck to you and your child!

[Anonymous]

8:22 I'm the OP. It never would occurred to me, either, if I hadn't read the post on a NYC listserv. I actually wonder if AD might look at situations where the mother was the only parent in the picture in a more favorable light, since there's no back and forth, no double communications, no lingering drama. I can only speculate.

22:45 One would think but they're still divorced, there's no way to gauge what kind of relationship they have. There are some pretty strained ones out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8:22 I'm the OP. It never would occurred to me, either, if I hadn't read the post on a NYC listserv. I actually wonder if AD might look at situations where the mother was the only parent in the picture in a more favorable light, since there's no back and forth, no double communications, no lingering drama. I can only speculate.

22:45 One would think but they're still divorced, there's no way to gauge what kind of relationship they have. There are some pretty strained ones out there.

8:22 here. In my son's grade 11% of his friends' families are divorced and were when we applied. In DC, I don't think coming from a family of divorce will get you sent to the reject pile. If ex-spouse is a jackass just don't take him/her with you on school visits.

[Anonymous]

Just a thought - seriously unhappily married parents probably more of a stressor on child than very happily divorced parents. Unfortunately, these matters are hard to figure out during the application process

I totally agree with this comment. But have to say there is only ONE divorced family in my daughter's Pre-K class. However they both share about equal time with the child and they kid is one of the sweetest in the class. On the other hand, I do know of alteast TWO single parents (meaning I don't think the father was ever in the kids life) and that seems more common in our private (Big 3).

[Anonymous]

If ex-spouse is a jackass just don't take him/her with you on school visits.

Not possible with joint legal custody. Since these decisions must be joint, one parent cannot ban the other from school visits and/or interviews, even if they would think it would help their child's chances of getting accepted.