How to rehome mature cat that either needs a new home or gets the needle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in your situation twice, although neither time was our cat as old as your cat is. 13 is quite respectable for a cat!

Our first cat with this issue, a male tabby (apparently prone to bladder issues), had recurring cystitis that eventually led to a bladder rupture. His peeing outside the box issues were both physical and behavioral. We spent thousands of dollars on vet care (including behavioral vet care), tried every food and medicine available at the time, and had to replace furniture and other items that he peed on. It was crazy -- we had to close all bedroom doors and cover all the living room furniture with shower curtains every time we left the house as no room and nothing was safe. We discussed many times whether we could rehome him but realized that there is no rehoming an indoor-only cat with uncontrollable peeing problems. When his bladder ruptured, and we were looking at a $5000+ bill for two weeks of intensive inpatient care to get him through the crisis, with every chance of later recurrence, that was it. We euthanized him with much sadness but no regrets.

I will also point out that he had been the friendliest, most loving cat before his health issues caused him to undergo a massive personality change into a grumpy, growling kitty. He was not happy because he was not well. I was so sorry to lose him but there was no viable alternative.

Our second cat with this issue was so much harder because there was no apparent physical cause of his peeing problems. A move plus a cat terrorizing him from outside our new house (grrr, I freaking HATE people who let their cats outdoors -- so irresponsible on so many levels) caused him to start peeing outside the box to mark territory despite anti-anxiety meds, new litterboxes (in addition to the multiple litterboxes we already had), new blinds to hide his view (although probably not the smell or sound) of the outside cat, and every behavioral intervention that we and the vets could come up with. Nothing worked. It was driving my husband crazy although he is much more of the catlover than I am. No lie -- it was so hard to make the decision, and it was terrible on my kids, but the decision to euthanize our cat was the right one. It would have been morally wrong to try to rehome him by taking him to a shelter. I looked into cat sanctuaries but that would have been terrible for him because other cats stressed the hell out of him. He was an indoor-only cat and I never would have let him outside or sent him to live on a farm. Euthanasia was the right decision even though he was not old.

OP, I don't think your husband is an ass. People who haven't lived with it have no idea how horrible it is to have a cat peeing outside the box. Although I do think it would be reasonable to try an additional litterbox -- would a covered one work? If you scoop daily, and change the litter out regularly, it's not that smelly and not gross to look at. But if that really won't fly, and you are at peace with the decision, then I think it's OK to give your kitty a gentle death. You have given her a much better life than she might have had and 13 is a good age for a kitty.

Good luck, and ignore the haters.

Thanks PP. I keep reading that average indoor cat life expectancy is 12-14, but 18+ is not uncommon, so I don't feel like I have a good sense of whether this cat is the people version of 70, 80, 90, or what. It's somewhat comforting to hear that 13 is into the end-of-life age for a cat, which makes this seem more...normal, I guess.

My husband has dutifully scooped litter for nearly nine years while I've been pregnant or nursing four kids (he continued while I was nursing, not just pregnant, just to "be safe", even though I told him I could do it). He HATES, HATES, HATES the smell of cat litter to the point of physical revulsion. He showers after scooping the box. Scooped product goes straight to the trash can outside. He is completely, utterly disgusted by pee on his pillow or his bed, in our closet, in the hallway, and on not one but two of our kids' beanbags. He has weathered this all without pitching a fight to get rid of the cat, but now that we're on a multiple pees per month (per week, really), he's just done. There is nowhere particularly viable for the upstairs litter box given my husband's extreme hatred of kitty litter. So, we're hoping for the best but at this point I'm prepared for the worst.

I realize our cat has been doing a bit more hiding out lately, but has also been a bit more desperate for affection. She had a weekend alone over the 4th (total of about 48 hours, with plenty of food and water; going elsewhere would be more stressful for her), and she didn't pee anywhere. The day after our return, the second beanbag turned into an auxiliary litter box. She is such an anxious animal, and I do think it would be worse for her to be penned up outside of "her" space.

Here's where I think I'm truly a terrible person: I was hoping the vet would discover the beginning of some painful, awful disease so that we could just euthanize her and be at peace with it. I don't wish illness on the poor creature, but I could use some peace of mind that I'd be doing the right thing. Ugh.

Bonus info: my kids are both in favor of the cat's sooner rather than later death, and also attached to her and very sad when they see her looking scared or unhappy (she was very scared during the recent vet visit, and kids saw her in the cat carrier before departure). They desperately want a dog (which I agree would be very therapeutic for one of my kids in particular), and know that we won't be getting a dog while the cat is still a member of the household. So, they love her and don't want her scared or hurt, and will be sad when she dies, but..."Mom, Mom, can we get a puppy now?!?" (And yes, I'm rethinking dog ownership based on this experience.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is the horrible person here.

I would draw a hard line about trying a litter box in a new place before calling it a day--and pressing the vet about there being some source of pain that might be treated. Your cat is probably getting old and uncomfortable if she is not willing to go downstairs to use the litter box.

Check out the first quality of life scale here to see if it is close to time:

http://www.lapoflove.com/Quality-of-Life/Determining-Pet-Quality-of-Life

We put our cat down last week due to cancer and that scale helped us determine when it was time.

And, fwiw, DH took time off work to go with me, and it is possibly the only time I have seen him cry outside of a movie theater. Your DH needn't love the cat, but he could show some common decency for the cat and you.

In defense of my spouse, he's been very grudgingly putting up with the animal for more than ten years. She has peed in many other places. She's a very anxious cat. Between cat pee and cat puke he's pretty much beside himself and can't stand it. His natural inclination would be to throw her out the front door at first offense, so he's put in a lot of time tolerating her already. This is pretty much the last straw for him.

I'm sorry to say, OP, but your DH is, indeed, acting like an ass in this situation. He's an adult and can choose not to be "beside himself" over cat pee and cat puke. Frankly, in the big scheme of life, these are minor things for him to lose his shit over. The cat, on the other hand, is helpless and counted on you to keep your promise to give her a safe life where she would be loved and cared for. If you get rid of her, you're not just letting her down, you may well be sending her off to an early death, even though you already know she is in good health.

Stand up to your DH and ask yourself why you would capitulate to a person who has such little regard for a living thing that he would ask you to kill your cat.

PP, it's great that you can tolerate cat pee and puke all over your bedroom, but not everyone can. He's not asking me to kill the cat. If he did, I'd tell him he's welcome to go ahead and do it his damn self. He wants her gone, yes, but he's not once demanded she be put down. I'm the one who'd be more inclined to go that route if it was the kinder end for my cat. It's not a matter of standing up to him - it's recognizing that asking him to just live with the frequent pee all over is a huge, huge ask, and I don't want to set up a "my way or the highway" in a situation where the cat has maybe a short time left in her lifespan anyway. He has a lot of regard for living things, but he just can't be on board with wondering if his pillow will be covered in piss when he goes to bed. It's been more times than I care to count that I've crawled into bed and found my legs meeting a big wet spot. This cat has already cost us thousands to deal with the pee.

Frankly, the argument that I made a promise to give the cat a safe life and care for her doesn't make me feel particularly guilty. I've done so for 13 years. Not sure she would have fared better in a Florida animal shelter. She's had a good run of it and I'm not tossing her outside at the first sign of a problem. This cat has been treated well for a long, long time, including through MANY episodes that could have warranted an earlier departure from our home. Save the guilt trip for someone else, as it's quite wasted on me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it would also not work to rehome your cat -- if she is triggered by anxiety (maybe having kids around)? it's not likely that she will do well with a move to a new home.

I don't think you need to agonize about this decision any more than you clearly already have. You are a good person and a good and responsible pet owner. It's OK to make the decision to euthanize your kitty. It really is. I think you should call your vet and make the appointment.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP, please stop defending yourself to random assholes who don't know you, and do what's best for your family. Humans have to come first.

I've been where you are (a pp who rehomed 2 when prodded by partners) and while it seems sad now, you'll really love how relaxing life without a problem cat can be for everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, the more detail you give, the worse the situation sounds. If it is not just the bath mats but all over, that is a whole other matter.

I agree with a PP that something is up with your cat, regardless of what the vet says...and at 13 it might be something like kitty dementia. I am the PP who posted that quality of life list. I could see putting a cat down in this situation, with the additional anxiety and hiding out you mentioned, and if you really can't bring yourselves to try a temporary litter placement upstairs. I think that might just give you a moment to catch your breath...and if after a few days it didn't work, well, you would have a pretty clear answer.

[Anonymous]

Here's where I think I'm truly a terrible person: I was hoping the vet would discover the beginning of some painful, awful disease so that we could just euthanize her and be at peace with it. I don't wish illness on the poor creature, but I could use some peace of mind that I'd be doing the right thing. Ugh.

You need to take responsibility for yourself. You are a grown person. If you think that putting the cat down is the ethical and appropriate thing to do, given your obligation to your husband and kids as well as the cat, do it. Don't look for people here to validate it, or hope that the cat has a secret disease that would otherwise justify it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Here's where I think I'm truly a terrible person: I was hoping the vet would discover the beginning of some painful, awful disease so that we could just euthanize her and be at peace with it. I don't wish illness on the poor creature, but I could use some peace of mind that I'd be doing the right thing. Ugh.

You need to take responsibility for yourself. You are a grown person. If you think that putting the cat down is the ethical and appropriate thing to do, given your obligation to your husband and kids as well as the cat, do it. Don't look for people here to validate it, or hope that the cat has a secret disease that would otherwise justify it.

Although I think this is true, it is a little harsh. I think the OP is expressing how hard it is to make this decision when there's no immediate medical emergency. I'm the PP who had to euthanize two cats for peeing and it was much harder to make the decision with the second one who didn't have any discernable disease than with the first one whose bladder finally ruptured. It's like the frog in the pot of boiling water analogy -- sometimes it's hard to see how bad things are getting when they get bad a little bit at a time, and sometimes it's also hard to know what to do when there's not an immediate crisis that requires a response or decision.

I also had to make the decision to put our 13 year old dog to sleep when I was pregnant with my first -- he had terrible crippling arthritis even though all his other systems were fine. I felt that I wasn't truly an adult until I'd had to take the ultimate responsibility for my beloved pet's life and death.

OP, from everything you've said, assuming you choose to euthanize your kitty now, you are doing the right thing even without a disease to give you a crystal-clear, indisputable reason.

You might see if your vet would do a housecall to spare your kitty a trip to the vet.

[Anonymous]

Wow... A lot of judgmental talking heads here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in your situation twice, although neither time was our cat as old as your cat is. 13 is quite respectable for a cat!

Our first cat with this issue, a male tabby (apparently prone to bladder issues), had recurring cystitis that eventually led to a bladder rupture. His peeing outside the box issues were both physical and behavioral. We spent thousands of dollars on vet care (including behavioral vet care), tried every food and medicine available at the time, and had to replace furniture and other items that he peed on. It was crazy -- we had to close all bedroom doors and cover all the living room furniture with shower curtains every time we left the house as no room and nothing was safe. We discussed many times whether we could rehome him but realized that there is no rehoming an indoor-only cat with uncontrollable peeing problems. When his bladder ruptured, and we were looking at a $5000+ bill for two weeks of intensive inpatient care to get him through the crisis, with every chance of later recurrence, that was it. We euthanized him with much sadness but no regrets.

I will also point out that he had been the friendliest, most loving cat before his health issues caused him to undergo a massive personality change into a grumpy, growling kitty. He was not happy because he was not well. I was so sorry to lose him but there was no viable alternative.

Our second cat with this issue was so much harder because there was no apparent physical cause of his peeing problems. A move plus a cat terrorizing him from outside our new house (grrr, I freaking HATE people who let their cats outdoors -- so irresponsible on so many levels) caused him to start peeing outside the box to mark territory despite anti-anxiety meds, new litterboxes (in addition to the multiple litterboxes we already had), new blinds to hide his view (although probably not the smell or sound) of the outside cat, and every behavioral intervention that we and the vets could come up with. Nothing worked. It was driving my husband crazy although he is much more of the catlover than I am. No lie -- it was so hard to make the decision, and it was terrible on my kids, but the decision to euthanize our cat was the right one. It would have been morally wrong to try to rehome him by taking him to a shelter. I looked into cat sanctuaries but that would have been terrible for him because other cats stressed the hell out of him. He was an indoor-only cat and I never would have let him outside or sent him to live on a farm. Euthanasia was the right decision even though he was not old.

OP, I don't think your husband is an ass. People who haven't lived with it have no idea how horrible it is to have a cat peeing outside the box. Although I do think it would be reasonable to try an additional litterbox -- would a covered one work? If you scoop daily, and change the litter out regularly, it's not that smelly and not gross to look at. But if that really won't fly, and you are at peace with the decision, then I think it's OK to give your kitty a gentle death. You have given her a much better life than she might have had and 13 is a good age for a kitty.

Good luck, and ignore the haters.

PP, would you mind sharing where you went to euthanize your cat given these circumstances? I have the exact same situation, I actually could be the OP but am not. I have been dealing with cats peeing outside the litter box for 16 years. Our basement is completely ruined and unusable by our children or us really, but we do not want to fix it because the cat will just ruin it all over again. It has been a rough road, people truly do not understand. We even feel like we couldn't move if we wanted to because we cannot get our house in shape because of the cat.

I have a friend in a similar situation, and what he found was that at least some vets in DC refused to euthanize a cat that was otherwise healthy. He had a terrible time in an already heartwrenching situation. Wondering if you found an empathetic vet in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

With our first cat, we were at VCA (the emergency/specialist hospital) for the bladder rupture so that wasn't a hard thing.

With our second cat, it was Pet Dominion in Shady Grove. I really like the practice and they were extremely compassionate and understanding. However I think it's likely that you'd have to have at least a consult with them first. Do you have medical history on your cat with the peeing problems? If it's documented in past records that would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, the kinder route is the needle, then? I am having a really hard time accepting that it's fine to kill the cat. I would keep her and deal with having a litter box where I don't want it. My husband on the other hand can't tolerate the idea of a litter box anywhere near him or his stuff, ever, for any reason. I want to do what's right by this animal but I don't know what that really is.

Well, I would get rid of the husband first, for suggesting such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an asshole. What is this, the 1950s and you have to listen to him like he's your boss? Stand up for your beloved cat and figure out what's wrong.

Ever heard of picking your battles? Do you think there just MIGHT be other issues in our lives that I'd prefer to wage war over rather than the cat? I can think of three genuinely life-changing issues on which we disagree and will need to work through. Making him feel like I've chosen the aging cat over him - something that would literally be right in front of him everyday - is not a great strategy.

As for PPs suggesting litter box somewhere on same floor. Where? Which one of our kids' bedrooms should it go in? Is the hallway the right place? Our bathroom is by far the best option but it is truly a non-starter.

I live in a 780 sf condo, with a dog and a cat, and the litter box is in the hallway right outside the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My husband has dutifully scooped litter for nearly nine years while I've been pregnant or nursing four kids (he continued while I was nursing, not just pregnant, just to "be safe", even though I told him I could do it). He HATES, HATES, HATES the smell of cat litter to the point of physical revulsion. He showers after scooping the box. Scooped product goes straight to the trash can outside. He is completely, utterly disgusted by pee on his pillow or his bed, in our closet, in the hallway, and on not one but two of our kids' beanbags. He has weathered this all without pitching a fight to get rid of the cat, but now that we're on a multiple pees per month (per week, really), he's just done. There is nowhere particularly viable for the upstairs litter box given )

Maybe the cat AND your husband could use some Prozac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry to say, OP, but your DH is, indeed, acting like an ass in this situation. He's an adult and can choose not to be "beside himself" over cat pee and cat puke. Frankly, in the big scheme of life, these are minor things for him to lose his shit over. The cat, on the other hand, is helpless and counted on you to keep your promise to give her a safe life where she would be loved and cared for. If you get rid of her, you're not just letting her down, you may well be sending her off to an early death, even though you already know she is in good health.

Stand up to your DH and ask yourself why you would capitulate to a person who has such little regard for a living thing that he would ask you to kill your cat.

PP, it's great that you can tolerate cat pee and puke all over your bedroom, but not everyone can. He's not asking me to kill the cat. If he did, I'd tell him he's welcome to go ahead and do it his damn self. He wants her gone, yes, but he's not once demanded she be put down. I'm the one who'd be more inclined to go that route if it was the kinder end for my cat. It's not a matter of standing up to him - it's recognizing that asking him to just live with the frequent pee all over is a huge, huge ask, and I don't want to set up a "my way or the highway" in a situation where the cat has maybe a short time left in her lifespan anyway. He has a lot of regard for living things, but he just can't be on board with wondering if his pillow will be covered in piss when he goes to bed. It's been more times than I care to count that I've crawled into bed and found my legs meeting a big wet spot. This cat has already cost us thousands to deal with the pee.

Frankly, the argument that I made a promise to give the cat a safe life and care for her doesn't make me feel particularly guilty. I've done so for 13 years. Not sure she would have fared better in a Florida animal shelter. She's had a good run of it and I'm not tossing her outside at the first sign of a problem. This cat has been treated well for a long, long time, including through MANY episodes that could have warranted an earlier departure from our home. Save the guilt trip for someone else, as it's quite wasted on me.

Well, there you have it. Your priorities are clear and you feel fine throwing away your commitment and killing your cat. Go for it. Your cat isn't sick. She is inconvenient for you. You are also apparently lazy because it's pretty easy to change a sheet or a pillowcase and there are tons of products that can clean up after an incontinent cat. But go ahead, send your cat somewhere to be killed because you and your DH can't be bothered.

I don't even understand why you started this thread, except maybe to draw all the pet haters. You knew what you wanted to do. So do it, and shut up about it. You certainly don't give a damn about killing your cat, why would you care what anyone who disagrees with you might think? Oh wait, you don't. So why are you here again?

Okay, rage-filled PP. I'm pretty lazy because after 13 years of throwing away pillows, beanbags, pillow top mattresses, tearing up carpets, professionally cleaning carpets, replacing couch cushions, attempting to clean leather chairs...it's finally gotten to a frequency that is overwhelming. I am a cat hating heartless murderer. I've thrown away my commitment (13 years in) because my cat is inconvenient. Through hundreds of clean-ups and thousands in spending, I've been an undedicated, hateful person. Understood. Thanks for setting me straight. Now I'll FOR SURE see the light.

[Anonymous]

OP. Put down the internet and walk away. that post was deleted for rudeness. the pet forum here always brings out the crazies with no perspective like pp. you are way too defensive. Do what you need to do.