Something bothering me about my mom's death.

[Anonymous]

If she believes that she returns to the dust and dirt, look outside (and under your bed). She's still around. She may no longer be in her body and may be scattered around at the mercy of the wind, but she is still here. Talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I recently lost a relative who was a terrible, destructive person throughout his life. Like many people, I was horrified and revolted by him, and kept my distance from him.

Once he died, though, I felt an overwhelming conviction that he was genuinely sorry for what he'd done during his life and I've felt a connection to him that I've never felt before. He really wasn't responsible for his terrible actions - his parents had abused him so severely when he was a young child that by the time he reached the age of responsibility, he was simply not emotionally well enough to be held accountable. But the bad actions weren't really who he was.

All this is to say that I feel sure that your mother hasn't just "left" you, and that she's with you still. I know this sounds ridiculous, but a few years ago I would have thought my experiences since my relative's passing were completely unlikely, too.

If the thought that this person was sorry gives you closure then great. However, repentance after death is meaningless to the living.

no, it's not. It means a great deal to me, and to other people who've experienced something similar. I mean this very kindly: you sound a bit silly when you presume to tell people what's meaningful and what's not meaningful to them.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think what happens after death is different depending on what you believed in life? I believe that whatever it is is the same for everyone. So either they're all there or they're all not. Talk to whomever you feel the need to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think what happens after death is different depending on what you believed in life? I believe that whatever it is is the same for everyone. So either they're all there or they're all not. Talk to whomever you feel the need to talk to.

It doesn't mater where they are. What matters is that they meant something to you when they were alive. That memory survives as long as you do. Juas as you can look back fondly on past times in your life, you can look back fondly on people you know, even now that they are dead.

[Anonymous]

OP, as an atheist let me say that all the moments you shared with your mom happened. All those moments are real. All the love you felt for each other when apart and not expressed were real. And all the love you feel for her now and the ideas she might have shared with you if you could talk with her, that's all real. That includes your knowing her personality and prior thoughts.

[Anonymous]

IS there any concern that she's in Hell because of her beliefs?

If so, please try to put it out of your mind -- it's a negative feature of religion used to scare people into being good but often just causes great guilt and pain.

[Anonymous]

I'm agnostic, as close to atheist as one could get without actually calling myself that. I don't feel "any" presence of God anywhere, and never have.

Neither did my dad. Zero. In fact, he mocked the concept of God all the time.

He died about 7 years ago.

Sometimes, I smell his pipe smoke around me. In the car, walking down a sidewalk, in my house (where no one has ever smoked). If you don't know, pipe smoke has a unique smell, and it can vary by the flavor of the tobacco. So I knew it when I smelled his brand. Since hardly anyone smokes a pipe anymore, I can't explain it.

So, this is my way of saying there still seems to be a connection between two non-believers. Please don't stop talking to your mom. Get mad at her if you want. Then forgive her if you can. But don't stop talking.

[Anonymous]

I often feel the presence of people who have died and sometime feel the presence of people who are still alive but not physically near me at the time. I felt this when I was a believer and still feel it now that I'm not.

I've always assumed there is a neurological explanation for these experiences, but I don't care. I savor the moments and don't try to analyze them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't really talked about this IRL with people, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put this out here.

My mom's atheism at the end of her life bothered me. A little background: she died this past fall in in-home hospice from cancer, and I was helping care for her. My family is a collection of spiritual folks, agnostics, secular Jews, and a few atheists. I fall into the "spiritual agnostic-ish secular Jew " category, I suppose. I talk to God a lot, and I decided I don't particularly care if it's all in my head. I think we go somewhere after we die. I hope we do.

My mom's atheism hurts because sometimes in quiet moments, I'll talk, if you will, to my grandparents, other relatives and loved ones that have come and gone. But my mom's insistence that she was really and truly just going back to dust hurts because it's as if permission to talk to her and hope she hears me somewhere out there was taken away. I did not challenge her on this. These were her beliefs. I loved her very much. This was not her intention. But it still hurts.

Talk to the dust. My parents sit atop my refrigerator, as ashes. They share the velvet bag my Dad's ashes were placed in after he died. My mother followed him a month later. I have plans to eventually place them in our family cemetery in another State, but for now they sit in the kitchen and watch over us. I imagine they're too busy with each other most of the time. Inseparable in life and death.

The people we love live within our psyches. You heard your mother's voice when you were a child, even when she wasn't there. The reminders, the moments when you knew she'd be proud, even the admonishments----you carried this with you through your life, even while she was alive. Speak to that voice now, just as you did before her passing.

Besides, it may not matter what she believed. If there's an afterlife, she's there. And she's probably surprised to have found it considering all her talk of dust.

Be kind to yourself. Continue to cherish your mother as you see fit, and know that she lives within you which is all that matters.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Christian . I believe if your mother has Jewish blood she's in heaven. For I believe God loves her the most and makes acceptions for his chosen people .

[Anonymous]

Notice how the people who claim to be religious sound the wackiest on this subject --

for example -- Jewish blood helps; Jesus is the only chance for a positive outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notice how the people who claim to be religious sound the wackiest on this subject --

for example -- Jewish blood helps; Jesus is the only chance for a positive outcome.

Actually I think the atheists sound the most confused. They are so positive that when a person dies that is the end of them. We are only bio life forms who die and rot. And then when someone asks about her deceased loved one we get all this talk about energy flowing into the world and their essences and personalities and smells living on. Memories of the deceased, sure, the other stuff, not so much.

If an agnostic were saying this it would make sense because they admit they just don't know, but I thought the atheists KNOW that when we die we are worm food, no consciousness, no energy, no personal odors, nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how the people who claim to be religious sound the wackiest on this subject --

for example -- Jewish blood helps; Jesus is the only chance for a positive outcome.

Actually I think the atheists sound the most confused. They are so positive that when a person dies that is the end of them. We are only bio life forms who die and rot. And then when someone asks about her deceased loved one we get all this talk about energy flowing into the world and their essences and personalities and smells living on. Memories of the deceased, sure, the other stuff, not so much.

If an agnostic were saying this it would make sense because they admit they just don't know, but I thought the atheists KNOW that when we die we are worm food, no consciousness, no energy, no personal odors, nothing.

think you're confused about atheists, assuming they KNOW things and that (in your mind) it means they can't justify experiences that they can't explain. In contrast, when believers have a similar experience, they will say they do know what it is - it's god - it's Jesus - it's their loved one speaking from the grave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how the people who claim to be religious sound the wackiest on this subject --

for example -- Jewish blood helps; Jesus is the only chance for a positive outcome.

Actually I think the atheists sound the most confused. They are so positive that when a person dies that is the end of them. We are only bio life forms who die and rot. And then when someone asks about her deceased loved one we get all this talk about energy flowing into the world and their essences and personalities and smells living on. Memories of the deceased, sure, the other stuff, not so much.

If an agnostic were saying this it would make sense because they admit they just don't know, but I thought the atheists KNOW that when we die we are worm food, no consciousness, no energy, no personal odors, nothing.

think you're confused about atheists, assuming they KNOW things and that (in your mind) it means they can't justify experiences that they can't explain. In contrast, when believers have a similar experience, they will say they do know what it is - it's god - it's Jesus - it's their loved one speaking from the grave.

So do you think OP's mother's energy or presence, beyond her physical remains, are around? Not just the memories OP has.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line is we have no idea what is going on in the universe, to me it is both silly to believe in a creator and to not believe in anything. We really don't know squat.