Something bothering me about my mom's death.

[Anonymous]

I haven't really talked about this IRL with people, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put this out here.

My mom's atheism at the end of her life bothered me. A little background: she died this past fall in in-home hospice from cancer, and I was helping care for her. My family is a collection of spiritual folks, agnostics, secular Jews, and a few atheists. I fall into the "spiritual agnostic-ish secular Jew " category, I suppose. I talk to God a lot, and I decided I don't particularly care if it's all in my head. I think we go somewhere after we die. I hope we do.

My mom's atheism hurts because sometimes in quiet moments, I'll talk, if you will, to my grandparents, other relatives and loved ones that have come and gone. But my mom's insistence that she was really and truly just going back to dust hurts because it's as if permission to talk to her and hope she hears me somewhere out there was taken away. I did not challenge her on this. These were her beliefs. I loved her very much. This was not her intention. But it still hurts.

[Anonymous]

I'm an atheist and I talk with deceased friends and family all the time. They're in my head and in my heart.

[Anonymous]

^^Thanks for this.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her as much as you like, OP. She's still in your heart and part of her lives on in you.

I am an atheist and believe when we die our energy is dispersed the way all energy is dispersed. So to that end, she is still "here" just in a new form.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry about your loss, OP. I'm a Christian and lost my father, an atheist, earlier this year, so I sort of know where you're coming from.

I have taken heart in knowing this: "where we go" after death is in God's hands, not ours. I know that at one point in his life, my father was a believer and did have a relationship with God. That he says/ thinks/ believes he lost that later in life may be true, but I don't believe that God gave up on him. He was a brilliant man and an accomplished scientist. Reference to this was made at his funeral, where mention was made that "he now has all the answers he searched for his whole life."

As PP said, your mom is with you in your heart and you can certainly talk to her in that way.

[Anonymous]

Just because she didn't believe in God doesn't mean that God Doesn't believe in her. Talk to her, she may be listening.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. Their love and spirit lives on in the world, especially in their loved ones left behind. I'm pretty close to atheist but still believe that. They might not be in "heaven" but that doesn't mean they are truly gone or turned only to dust. Talk to her and feel her presence, it's there. I think so anyway. Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an atheist and I talk with deceased friends and family all the time. They're in my head and in my heart.

+1 they live in me

[Anonymous]

NP here. What beautiful words, PPs. I have recently lost an atheist family member to cancer, and your words comfort me.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP here again. This helps a lot, guys. Thank you for your kindness. It's like something has been stopped up.

[Anonymous]

Op ~ you are making this about you.

Don't make it about you - and your mother letting *you* down.

That's not being very nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op ~ you are making this about you.

Don't make it about you - and your mother letting *you* down.

That's not being very nice.

You don't get it, pp. OP is trying to find a way to connect with her mother spiritually despite her mother's atheist beliefs. You are being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I'm an atheist, but hey, I might be wrong and still somehow survive my death. In that case, I hope any believers who loved me continue to talk to me! Even if I'm not 'around' my living self would have wanted them to be comforted by the idea of talking to me, so talk away.

PP, I don't think it's appropriate to tell OP she's not being very nice. Nice to whom, I wonder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an atheist, but hey, I might be wrong and still somehow survive my death. In that case, I hope any believers who loved me continue to talk to me! Even if I'm not 'around' my living self would have wanted them to be comforted by the idea of talking to me, so talk away.

PP, I don't think it's appropriate to tell OP she's not being very nice. Nice to whom, I wonder?

I'm a Christian and I love the phrase "survive my death !" Mind if I borrow that?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an atheist and I talk with deceased friends and family all the time. They're in my head and in my heart.

+1 they live in me

I'm an atheist and I'll echo what these two PPs have said. They live on in me and in my actions.