Angry husband won't go to anger management unless I do it too

[Anonymous]

Yeah OP ... I think you need to just leave. This guy sounds like he is bad news.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely go with him or at least through the same classes with another group. If you take the classes together, you will know what he is being taught, how to work with him to improve his skills, and when to call bullshit on his nonsense.

I don't think that there are many people in the world who couldn't benefit from learning anger management skills. Even those of us who are calm can learn how to best deal with others who aren't calm.

Go for it if you love him and really do want your marriage to succeed.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely go with him or at least through the same classes with another group. If you take the classes together, you will know what he is being taught, how to work with him to improve his skills, and when to call bullshit on his nonsense.

I don't think that there are many people in the world who couldn't benefit from learning anger management skills. Even those of us who are calm can learn how to best deal with others who aren't calm.

Go for it if you love him and really do want your marriage to succeed.

[Anonymous]

I was in a LTR with a man like this. Be VERY careful about the therapist you choose. We went to a very well-known couples therapist and after a year of treatment that went nowhere, she finally admitted that her goal for therapy was to teach me how to live with it when he gets mad rather than help him learn how to manage his anger. She as much as admitted that he wasn't going to change so I needed to if I was going to stay.

That's when I knew it was time to go. It was hard and took almost six months to get him out, happily married to someone else now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah OP ... I think you need to just leave. This guy sounds like he is bad news.

+1

[Anonymous]

There are good anger management therapists out there. The first thing they try and drill into someone's head is that you cannot blame others for your anger or how you handle it. No matter what the other person does, no matter how angry they make you, it's your responsibility to learn to handle your anger in constructive ways and not lash out.

A dynamic between a couple that involves such escalations in anger needs to be worked on by both people. Repeat, it doesn't mean he can blame you for his behaviors. You both need to start breaking down the steps of how you get there, though. For your own safety, you both need to learn to walk away and cool down first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

OP,

You say "We will both go to the the therapist I chose for us." The choice of therapist is critical. You can call them in advance to see where they stand.

[Anonymous]

Horrible to see the shitty treatment by therapists/counselor a here. I also went a couple of times with my abusive, narcissistic ex and he totally manipulated the sessions. I would just get out, OP. If he's serious about you he will get the help he needs to be the husband you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Please divorce him OP. It's not going to get better, only worse.

[Anonymous]

OP, leave. Please. Leave now.
I was where you are. Ten years ago.
I have three kids now.
I spend my life walking on eggshells.
Please, please, just go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, leave. Please. Leave now.
I was where you are. Ten years ago.
I have three kids now.
I spend my life walking on eggshells.
Please, please, just go.

x2

[Anonymous]

Yeah, to people who don't yet have kids, I also say just get out now. It's a very, very tough situation, tougher than marriage should have to be, and having spent many years with someone like this, who I love, who is now trying his best in therapy, I would still tell myself to get out right away, if I could go back in time. It will take more out of you than you can imagine.

[Anonymous]

I am married to the same guy...blocks the doorways to rooms so I have to crouch to get into the kitchen. He ended up "accidentally" hurting our DD most every night during his play "playtime". He is jealous of her to the point he wished her gone. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH YOU DH! Save yourself years and just leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am married to the same guy...blocks the doorways to rooms so I have to crouch to get into the kitchen. He ended up "accidentally" hurting our DD most every night during his play "playtime". He is jealous of her to the point he wished her gone. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH YOU DH! Save yourself years and just leave.

You are still married to this abuser? Why?