Uninvited Guests on vacation

[Anonymous]

I hear the OP here--but she should have said something. "Gosh, I was looking forward to having all this time with just our families." Or whatever. I would be irritated that SIL essentially invited her parents along, but OP passed on the opportunity to speak up.

The more the merrier just doesn't always work out that way. SIL could have arranged another time to see her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would really bug me if some randos were horning in on my family vacation. Seems pretty selfish of your SIL and her parents.

This.

They aren't "randos". They are family. OP is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you're over-reacting. You'll get family time. That doesn't mean that you need to exclude others.

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you're getting flamed, OP.

I think it's completely reasonable for you to be miffed about this.

Of course SIL should be okay with going on vacation with "only" her DH's family. It's called being an adult.

Her family needs to plan a separate vacation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would really bug me if some randos were horning in on my family vacation. Seems pretty selfish of your SIL and her parents.

This.

They aren't "randos". They are family. OP is ridiculous.

They are her SIL's family. She might not even know them. I have never even met my SIL's family, and while I would like to at some point, in no universe do I consider them my extended family.

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised by some of the comments. In our family we trade off big holidays like Christmas - one side, and then the other. It's been like once we were engaged. Several years ago, however, my ILs decided that EVERY year was going to be their turn so if we didn't fly up to see them, they would come to DC (where my parents live). It's a total encroachment on our time with my side of the family and it's incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear the OP here--but she should have said something. "Gosh, I was looking forward to having all this time with just our families." Or whatever. I would be irritated that SIL essentially invited her parents along, but OP passed on the opportunity to speak up.

The more the merrier just doesn't always work out that way. SIL could have arranged another time to see her parents.

This exactly.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're out of line, but you weren't very clear about your feelings, so now you're out of luck. Lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.

From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.

OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.

Then SIL should plan a vacation with her own family. Seperately.

She may have limited vacation time. Or limited money. We don't know.
Also, I would want a break from my ILs. Don't you think she deserves a break front YOUR family, OP? Since clearly you intended on leaving her out. You just want her kid to be your kids playmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you were asked you should have replied exactly as you said here - that you were looking forward to a week of cousin time and a chance to visit with four generations of your own family. You didn't voice your opinion so I'm afraid your brother is right, they did ask and you held your tongue. What's done is done.

this. you should have said something when he asked you.

[Anonymous]

It would bother me a lot if I was expecting to spend a week with people I know I can be very casual with and then find out there are people there I cannot be very casual with. Like OP said, it completely changes the dynamic.

One of my biggest family gripes is having to entertain the in-laws of my in-laws. This isn't exactly the same but it's very close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Your grandmother, mother etc., are not the blood relatives of your SIL. I am sure she would want to spend time with her parents instead of all her ILs.

From your SIL's perspective, she wants to spend time with both her parents and her ILs. This seems very healthy.

OP, are you a single mom? I think your brother is trying his best to spend time with both sides of the families.

Right but do it at another time. Doesn't that make more sense?

No, it does not. Not if the SIL does not want to spend time with just her ILs. Vacation time is precious. Maybe SIL feels that she needs some downtime and having her parents will ensure that her kids will be looked after if she needs a nap. You just do not know the dynamics of OPs family and her tone sounds very selfish.

If I was in the shoes of the SIL and had to spend my vacation with my DH's sister, sister's kid, DH's mother and DH's grandmother - I would shoot myself.

Furthermore, SILs parents are staying in a hotel. That means that they are there to spend time with their grandchild, son-in-law, and daughter -AND they are not piling on.

I am curious why the big need for OP to have only her family at the vacation. When kids are involved, I always feel that the more adults the better. It is not a honeymoon, it is a family vacation with multiple generation.

I find the OP to be passive-aggressive towards the SIL and also the brother.

Agreed. The OP didn't say what she felt when she was ASKED beforehand. OP these were not uninvited nor unexpected guests. Stop being so petty and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Overreacting.
if I was SIL, I would have a hard time spending my family vacation time with ONLY my husbands family.
They probably will split apart from you guys a lot - with SIL and her kids hanging out with her family. Don't worry, you will get lots of time with your mom and grandmother without them around.

And that's why I'm so upset for my mom's sake. This was supposed to be an entire week with her two grandchildren (cousins) and now another set of grandparents will be taking time from her. Also, my child will not get the time with his cousin that he was hoping for.

Life isn't all about you sorry

[Anonymous]

First, you should have explained why you cared before they made the plans. You had an out, you did not take it. I get why, but your brother may have been hoping ypu would be the bad guy.

Second, you call it a family vacation and seem to totally disregard that these people are family. They are the other set of grandparents. I sm not that into mixing families from both sides, but a lot of people are.

Whether or not it is unfair for them to come really depends on the family dynamic. Does the SIL's family get to see the kids a lot already and this ws thier one chance? Or does your brother tend to favor your family more and this may be your SIL way of evening it out?

I do understand why you are upset, as the dynamic will change, especially if the families become competive with the children ( my mom does this). But as someone who is often expected to spend vacations with my in laws, and always get the crappiest room in the house, I can see why your SIL may trying to be making this more of a vacation for her.