Do I have to go to this wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

You don't HAVE to do any of these things. But you accepted the invitation. It's rude to just change your mind. Maybe you think that the benefits to you outweigh being rude, but don't kid yourself that it isn't rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks, OP already said that she is not personally close to this cousin. Expecting anyone to make a 12-hour-each-way trip to attend a wedding is expecting too much, to me, especially if that guest is just not someone close. Family or not. I would bet that the bride and groom would be happy to see OP but just will not have it on their radar to be nearly as upset about a cancellation as some people on here insist they will be.

OP, your mom has already made her other arrangements (though yes, it would be good if you still paid any change fees she incurs). You did not know when you said yes that you had this major exam coming up -- is that correct? If I read that right, you were told about your exam after you said yes. It's too bad that you did not call your cousin the very day you found out about the exam and said you were sorry but could not attend due to the exam (leave family and kid things out, the exam alone, assuming it's something major for you to continue with a degree or other program, is important). Add the exam to the massive drive and this was an easy "no" from the day you got the exam date.

If this would cause some rift with your mom or other family members, that's different, though I would hate to go to an event just because I wanted to avoid a rift rather than because I wanted to be at the event itself.

If you really feel you must be there, suck up the cost and go one day and fly back the next.

Close to cousin or not, SHE accepted the invitation. No one did it on her behalf.
She's rude if she cancels at this point, after the headcount has been confirmed and the bride and groom are paying for her plate.

It doesn't matter if they're not close. It doesn't matter if it's an expensive wedding or a cheap one, or if she can or can't afford to book a flight now.

[Anonymous]

Send your apologies and a nice gift.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to go?

No
But you are being a bit selfish not knowing your own mind sooner.
You are (potentially) inconveniencing your mother.

Dont' make this a pattern of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.

So your mom is not even driving back with you? I would back out saying that it is too much of a drive alone with kids and since you were going to have to leave Recital Child home with Daddy anyway you want to be gone as little time as possible.

[Anonymous]

Of course you don't have to go. Backing out might be the most sensible choice. But you're still presenting yourself as rude and flaky and there's no way around that.

[Anonymous]

0P, you were very rude if you back out now, but you already know that or you would not have posted here. Do not blame your mother like the poster suggested above. You are an adult. By the way, no one can "guilt you "into anything. You are either mature or not. You are either rude or not.you and you alone put yourself into the situation. Now you need to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

I would say cancel but your mom's flight and travel plans being intertwined with yours I think it is rude to cancel this close.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have to give a plate count for my wedding until 3 days before the reception. It was at a fancy location in San Diego too. I'd offer to reimburse your mom for any expense she incurs due to your cancellation and send a gift. NBD.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

I am hesitant to book a flight for myself because now we are not 100% if DH will be able to come home that weekend to watch the kids. My kids are too little to do long sleepovers, and it's a lot to ask of friends.

I seriously don't get why this is such a big deal though. I can't imagine being pissed or judgemental toward someone if it were my wedding unless they simply decided last minute that they'd rather go on vacation or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I am hesitant to book a flight for myself because now we are not 100% if DH will be able to come home that weekend to watch the kids. My kids are too little to do long sleepovers, and it's a lot to ask of friends.

I seriously don't get why this is such a big deal though. I can't imagine being pissed or judgemental toward someone if it were my wedding unless they simply decided last minute that they'd rather go on vacation or something.

Fine. Don't go to the wedding. Just don't look for anyone to say that it's anything other than rude. Because it's rude to accept an invitation and then back out at the last minute. That's basic manners 101. Maybe your cousin won't care that you didn't come, but that's just a sign that she's gracious, not that you're not rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I am hesitant to book a flight for myself because now we are not 100% if DH will be able to come home that weekend to watch the kids. My kids are too little to do long sleepovers, and it's a lot to ask of friends.

I seriously don't get why this is such a big deal though. I can't imagine being pissed or judgemental toward someone if it were my wedding unless they simply decided last minute that they'd rather go on vacation or something.

Your story keeps changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I am hesitant to book a flight for myself because now we are not 100% if DH will be able to come home that weekend to watch the kids. My kids are too little to do long sleepovers, and it's a lot to ask of friends.

I seriously don't get why this is such a big deal though. I can't imagine being pissed or judgemental toward someone if it were my wedding unless they simply decided last minute that they'd rather go on vacation or something.

Your story keeps changing.

She expected different answers and now she is trying to make herself look better.

[Anonymous]

OP, why ask the question and then keep adjusting answers when we call you out on your crap?
You are rude, you don't want to go why come here for a blessing? You aren't going to get one.
You RSVP'd yes, you aren't going to get a blessing because of your selfish behavior.
Glad I not related to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I am hesitant to book a flight for myself because now we are not 100% if DH will be able to come home that weekend to watch the kids. My kids are too little to do long sleepovers, and it's a lot to ask of friends.

I seriously don't get why this is such a big deal though. I can't imagine being pissed or judgemental toward someone if it were my wedding unless they simply decided last minute that they'd rather go on vacation or something.

Your story keeps changing.

Yes, it does - because in the last 24 hours, circumstances keep changing. DH called me last night and I asked him about me flying, but he is not sure that he will be able to come home that weekend at all due to things that are developing at work. Previously, I (and he) had believed he could. Also, my mom made a mistake while booking her return flight and ended up calling right away and cancelling, so she has no concrete plans now.

Is it really right to stick my kids in a car for 12 hours, stick them with a babysitter while I attend the wedding, and then drive back? And for DS to have to miss his recital? Not to mention the exam. I really don't get why it would be such a big deal to cancel. Everyone keeps saying how rude I would be for it, and that it should be obvious, but no one elaborates, and it just isn't obvious to me. Maybe that is one of my borderline aspie characteristics coming through. I'm not mean in real life. I just don't understand everything like others do.