Do I have to go to this wedding?

[Anonymous]

It's in 3 weeks. For a cousin I am not close to. It's 12 hours away, and we cannot afford airfare so we will be driving. I had doubts about going, but I allowed myself to be guilted into it by my mom and dad. Plus, it will probably be one of the very few chances to see my extended family. But so short of a trip!

It's on a weekend sandwiched between multiple school events and an important exam I will be taking.
DH has work obligations so he cannot come. In fact, he is out of town, and the kids will miss seeing him that weekend if we go to the wedding.
We will be missing multiple events, including DS's recital, if we go to the wedding.
Even driving costs money, and we really wanted to save travel $$ for when DH has time off later in the summer.

The only thing is that my mother has already bought airline tickets to arrive here and help me drive the 12+ hours. She was planning on driving back here with me and flying back. She was going to watch DD for my exam, but I can find someone else if needed.
I'm thinking of cancelling, and I know I need to decide soon. Maybe I can give my mom some money to change her tickets? She will come sooner or later anyway.
Would I be really terrible if I decided not to go?

[Anonymous]

Cancel. Tell your mom to book a flight to the destination. Stay strong in the face of her disappointment/anger.

This is way too much.

[Anonymous]

Your mistake here was accepting in the first place! But I would cancel, honestly. That just sounds like way too much.

[Anonymous]

Ummm...No, you can't cancel now. You should never have said yes. At this point they've included your count and they will probably be on the hook for you whether you go or not.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you should not have said yes. You can't cancel now

Most you could do is decide that DH stays home with kid(s).

[Anonymous]

Too late to cancel. You should have said no in the first place but now you are committed.

[Anonymous]

Cancel and send a gift.

Tell you mom that you cannot go. She will be disappointed but will still love you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I will send a gift no matter what. Of course the wedding was planned way in advance but most of this other stuff didn't come to light until the last week or two.

I should have learned this lesson last year when my family guilted me into driving there for a baptism, under similar circumstances.

Just had an idea though... I don't know if I can get the airfare, but maybe I could fly by myself on Sat morning and return on Sunday? Probably going to cost a lot though...

[Anonymous]

OP again. Wanted to add, this is not a 200 per plate event... it's in a small town in the Midwest.

[Anonymous]

Cancel, cancel, cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, you should not have said yes. You can't cancel now

Most you could do is decide that DH stays home with kid(s).

+1

You committed and others have made plans around yours. Suck it up and go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will send a gift no matter what. Of course the wedding was planned way in advance but most of this other stuff didn't come to light until the last week or two.

I should have learned this lesson last year when my family guilted me into driving there for a baptism, under similar circumstances.

Just had an idea though... I don't know if I can get the airfare, but maybe I could fly by myself on Sat morning and return on Sunday? Probably going to cost a lot though...

the change fee for your mother's flight will be $150, which you should pay if you're the one cancelling. just go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Wanted to add, this is not a 200 per plate event... it's in a small town in the Midwest.

So that makes it better? Even if they are paying $25 per person, it's still a cost they have to bear. This is not bride and grooms problem.

[Anonymous]

You and your mom should fly there. Obvious solution. Leave everyone else behind.

[Anonymous]

I can't afford the airfare. I understand the cost that must be born, but why do I have to shell out 300-400 on transportation? They will bear the cost whether I am there or not. Can't I just send them a nice card with some $$$?

Why does everyone get so polarized when it comes to weddings? I'm trying not to be rude here, but if it's such a huge deal to have ONE unfortunate, unexpected last minute no-show, then why have an expensive wedding in the first place? I had a wedding once too, but I can't imagine being pissed off if someone wasn't able to come due to changing/difficult circumstances. Then again, ours was very casual.

Maybe I'll wait and see if I can get a last minute deal on airfare. My mom has already decided to go ahead and use her ticket and fly back on the wedding day - she found a good ticket.