Has your child's teacher ever been really rude to you and what did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop volunteering so many hours. It clearly isn't appreciated. Don't volunteers for her anymore. School year is almost over so let it go.

I'm really surprised how many people say let it go. Maybe I will try. I have canceled my classroom volunteer hours for the rest of the year already. I guess I'm worried that if I let it go, she will think it is OK to treat me badly, and then maybe she'll think it is OK to treat my child badly...like she can get away with it or something. Obviously, she doesn't like me. Is that nuts? I guess it might be. I've just never encountered this kind of treatment before (at least not until I came to this school). I don't really know how to handle it.

I'm really surprised too, OP. Wonder if that teacher is on here sock puppeting! I agree with your decision to cancel the rest of your hours. Only a few weeks left anyway - you can donate your time and work to someone with some manners.

Right. That's the explanation -- the teacher is on here sock puppeting. Not that OP is clearly overreacting and still can't move on even when multiple people tell her to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She did not seem frazzled to me. I'm just not sure that it would matter if she was. It was really unprofessional, and I have done a lot to help her this year. I put in so many hours doing things for her that it actually affected my work. It actually got worse after that - I pointed out that I was volunteering my time and didn't need to be there (as calmly as I could), and she told then I should just get out. I mean, it was not a little "snap" - it was a major insult. Wasn't it?

Everybody was getting ready for a class event (which you were there to help for), things were chaotic, the teacher was already busy doing stuff, and you stopped the teacher in the middle of this to tell the teacher that she had hurt your feelings. Please think about this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Well, apparently I have no right to be so upset. I do think many people have assumed the situation was different than it was, though. There were many parents and adults there - there was no need for the teacher to be frazzled or frustrated. In fact, everything was going fine with the event and everyone was pretty calm and quiet until the teacher walked in and started yelling at the kids. This teacher has a habit of giving one instruction and then changing it and yelling at everyone for what she said to do first. Or being unclear in general and then getting angry. It happens daily. This time, we had the kids all ready for the event exactly the way she'd said to have them - line order - and then she walked in and started grabbing kids and shouting at them that they were in the wrong place and they should be with their table group. But we had just told the kids to line up in line order, because those were her instructions. So now a calm situation is chaos as the kids are unsure where to go and are being yelled at as if they did something wrong. Then an aide walked in and started saying "line order" again. I simply asked which it was going to be.

The first name issue is not that she called me by my first name in general - it's that she did it in front of the children to "scold" me. Teachers do not use the first names of adults in front of children - that is standard policy. They even call each other Mr. and Ms. if there are children nearby. Parents do the same.

This teacher hasn't been great all year. She's disorganized and is not a great teacher in general. I haven't complained once, and have gone out of my way to help out and be extra nice, hoping that would help improve the situation. Obviously I need to just let this go, and I'm going to. But I'm not going to continue volunteering, because it's clear she does not want me there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This teacher hasn't been great all year. She's disorganized and is not a great teacher in general. I haven't complained once, and have gone out of my way to help out and be extra nice, hoping that would help improve the situation. Obviously I need to just let this go, and I'm going to. But I'm not going to continue volunteering, because it's clear she does not want me there.

I think that is a good decision. You will be happier that you're no longer volunteering, and the teacher will also be happier that you're no longer volunteering.

[Anonymous]

OP, that's even more reason to not feel humiliated. She's like this all the time with everyone. Nobody is going to think less of you for that interaction. Just of her. Discontinuing your volunteering is the appropriate response.

[Anonymous]

Op I don't understand the responses either. I would mention the teachers attitude to the principal or vice principal. If she is comfortable communicating like that in front of a group of parents, I imagine she does this regularly.

I'm in the Va burbs and this wouldn't fly. I have volunteered a lot and have dealt with rude teachers. They tend to be the bad teachers on their way out or their administration is so screwed up that chaos reigns. I view it as a sign of a teacher in trouble who no longer cares. One rude teacher needed to retire 10 years ago and I was a doormat and didn't address her comments. She treated me worse than the other parents. Another teacher who several parents complained about ended up being arrested at school while drunk. Another who made out of line comments was demoted and is on some kind of improvement plan. In ES, no one called the parents by their first name.

[Anonymous]

I do not think you should stop volunteering. In my experience, teachers who act like this have something going on that would concern me. Do not let her intimidate you out of seeing what is going on in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's even more reason to not feel humiliated. She's like this all the time with everyone. Nobody is going to think less of you for that interaction. Just of her. Discontinuing your volunteering is the appropriate response.

Yes to the first half of this; if the teacher truly has consistent issues with dealing with people, everyone there knew it and you have no need to feel humiliated.

No to the second half. Canceling all your volunteering from here on out was a dramatic way to say "So there!" and give her a raspberry. You hurt the kids by not volunteering during what will likely be a very busy end of the year with parties, field days, etc. Plus, you will have to explain to your child why you suddenly disappeared when clearly you've set a year-long precedent of volunteering. How do you plan to explain that? That it's OK to back out of things you said yes to if your feelings get bruised?

Even if things went down as described, and I don't doubt they did, well, people have cruddy days, OP, even cruddy years. One grumpy, disorganized teacher at my kid's ES years ago turned out to have serious health issues of her own and was also dealing with a dying spouse at home -- but didn't want to let everyone know. You don't know if the teacher had had some bad news or whatever just before walking in the classroom. It's not an excuse, but it IS an explanation, and it means she's human. Your kid is young. If you can't cut other adults - teachers, administrators, other parents, PTA parents, etc. -- some slack at times, and rise above it, you are going to have a very stressful time all the way through school.

Chalk this year up to a teacher who maybe isn't ideal or isn't having an ideal year. Also chalk it up to your own propensity to volunteer too much, as well -- ramp it back next year, because it should absolutely not be (a) affecting your paid work and (b) making you feel you're entitled to certain treatment because you do volunteer so much. And I say that as someone who volunteers a lot at school. You need to be less involved and therefore less invested in how you're treated. It's not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy.

For realz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy.

I'm not sure why I sound crazy. I was volunteering my time to help someone and they treated me very rudely and in a humiliating manner in front of my child. Is it really crazy to be upset about it?

Do not be so sensitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this instance you should let it go. Sounds like she was in the midst of chaos and was frazzled and just snapped at you. If this is ONE instance in almost an entire school year of no problems, of course let it go.

She did not seem frazzled to me. I'm just not sure that it would matter if she was. It was really unprofessional, and I have done a lot to help her this year. I put in so many hours doing things for her that it actually affected my work. It actually got worse after that - I pointed out that I was volunteering my time and didn't need to be there (as calmly as I could), and she told then I should just get out. I mean, it was not a little "snap" - it was a major insult. Wasn't it?

You keep adding to your story and at this point you are making me frazzled and I want to insult you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, apparently I have no right to be so upset. I do think many people have assumed the situation was different than it was, though. There were many parents and adults there - there was no need for the teacher to be frazzled or frustrated. In fact, everything was going fine with the event and everyone was pretty calm and quiet until the teacher walked in and started yelling at the kids. This teacher has a habit of giving one instruction and then changing it and yelling at everyone for what she said to do first. Or being unclear in general and then getting angry. It happens daily. This time, we had the kids all ready for the event exactly the way she'd said to have them - line order - and then she walked in and started grabbing kids and shouting at them that they were in the wrong place and they should be with their table group. But we had just told the kids to line up in line order, because those were her instructions. So now a calm situation is chaos as the kids are unsure where to go and are being yelled at as if they did something wrong. Then an aide walked in and started saying "line order" again. I simply asked which it was going to be.

The first name issue is not that she called me by my first name in general - it's that she did it in front of the children to "scold" me. Teachers do not use the first names of adults in front of children - that is standard policy. They even call each other Mr. and Ms. if there are children nearby. Parents do the same.

This teacher hasn't been great all year. She's disorganized and is not a great teacher in general. I haven't complained once, and have gone out of my way to help out and be extra nice, hoping that would help improve the situation. Obviously I need to just let this go, and I'm going to. But I'm not going to continue volunteering, because it's clear she does not want me there.

So let me get this straight, I'm supposed to call my friend Donna, Mrs. Smith if we are in the school and kids can hear? Get. out. of. here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy.

I'm not sure why I sound crazy. I was volunteering my time to help someone and they treated me very rudely and in a humiliating manner in front of my child. Is it really crazy to be upset about it?

You don't sound crazy. Thats the weird poster who hangs around on every thread making ass hole comments.

What happened to you also happened to me when my DD was in K. I didn't address it directly but I was extremely formal with the teacher thereafter. Very formal. And I stopped volunteering, completely.

She got the message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's even more reason to not feel humiliated. She's like this all the time with everyone. Nobody is going to think less of you for that interaction. Just of her. Discontinuing your volunteering is the appropriate response.

Yes to the first half of this; if the teacher truly has consistent issues with dealing with people, everyone there knew it and you have no need to feel humiliated.

No to the second half. Canceling all your volunteering from here on out was a dramatic way to say "So there!" and give her a raspberry. You hurt the kids by not volunteering during what will likely be a very busy end of the year with parties, field days, etc. Plus, you will have to explain to your child why you suddenly disappeared when clearly you've set a year-long precedent of volunteering. How do you plan to explain that? That it's OK to back out of things you said yes to if your feelings get bruised?

Even if things went down as described, and I don't doubt they did, well, people have cruddy days, OP, even cruddy years. One grumpy, disorganized teacher at my kid's ES years ago turned out to have serious health issues of her own and was also dealing with a dying spouse at home -- but didn't want to let everyone know. You don't know if the teacher had had some bad news or whatever just before walking in the classroom. It's not an excuse, but it IS an explanation, and it means she's human. Your kid is young. If you can't cut other adults - teachers, administrators, other parents, PTA parents, etc. -- some slack at times, and rise above it, you are going to have a very stressful time all the way through school.

Chalk this year up to a teacher who maybe isn't ideal or isn't having an ideal year. Also chalk it up to your own propensity to volunteer too much, as well -- ramp it back next year, because it should absolutely not be (a) affecting your paid work and (b) making you feel you're entitled to certain treatment because you do volunteer so much. And I say that as someone who volunteers a lot at school. You need to be less involved and therefore less invested in how you're treated. It's not about you.

I don't think it's incorrect to stop putting yourself in a volunteer situation where people are rude to you. You can't change their behavior. You can only control yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I thought it sent the message that I don't go where I'm not wanted.

NP here. I also think you are blowing this out of proportion. You've turned one brusque comment by a teacher who was busy trying to coordinate a student event with multiple children and multiple adult volunteers into a "major insult." Your response to cancel all of your volunteering does not send the message that you don't go where you're not wanted, it says that the teacher made a mistake and that rather than being an adult, mentioning that the incident bothered you and giving her a chance to respond, you are going to childish and "leave and take your ball home with you." There are several ways to appropriately react to this. As many people have said, the most mature way to handle this is to let it go. If it were a pattern that she was disrespectful on more than one occasion, you could bring this up to try to work it out with the teacher involved like two adults. However, if you cannot let it go, then go ahead and discuss the issue with the teacher. You mention that the incident at the school function bothered you because you did not feel that addressing you on a first name basis and in such a brusque or authoritatian (or you can say condescending, but I think that's overboard) way was appropriate. Then listen to her perspective. She may offer an apology which you can accept and move on. She may offer a justification to which you can respond to however appropriate.

But I think your current reaction, both of indignation and the petulant cancellation of additional volunteer support is childish. And ultimately, the people who suffer the most are the children not the teacher.