What makes kids so expensive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trappings of middle class childhood (orthodontia, tutors, preschool, extracurriculars) are expensive. You could forego them, feed your kids cheap food, dress them in handmedowns, etc and save at least several thousand a year. I had none of the things DCUM thinks are essential to success (my parents couldn't afford them), still went to college, and have a professional career.

Maybe so, maybe not.

My 17yo has significant ADD and has both an organizational coach and a specialized tutor, at $60 and $80 per hour each, every week. Prior to putting supports into place, he was failing several classes and struggling mightily. We will likely be looking into tutoring services wherever he ends up at school (and our large state schools are probably not a good fit for him given his issues).

My 13yo DD is a talented violinist and her weekly lessons are $70, plus orchestra fees ($900/year).

They have both had orthodontia for medical (not cosmetic) reasons.

I would not call any of these non-essential - and they are in addition to (past and present and future):

Childcare
Food (exponentially higher with teenagers)
Clothing
Extracurriculars
Summer camps
Lessons
Saving for college tuition
Insurance for a teen driver

Jinx... Hope you 17 yo is doing well!

Yours too!

I just feel grateful that we can ~knock on wood~ meet their needs.

[Anonymous]

For us it's is day care, then formula (the 1st year only) and extra plane tickets. Barely noticed other expenses. Have actually cut down on eating out til he can behave.

[Anonymous]

Health insurance without kids is free for me through my job. Covering my kids on my employer plan is 700/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Health insurance without kids is free for me through my job. Covering my kids on my employer plan is 700/month.

Yup. When I was childless it was 59 bucks a month and upgrading to the "family" plan make it 689.00 a month!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs have hit the big ones. You need "bigger" everything. A small 1br won't cut it. Generally one small car won't cut it - you need two cars that are big enough to hold car seats. You need more plane tickets, better hotel rooms, more tickets to the movies, attractions, etc. You have to care about birthday parties (your kid's and all the other kids whose parties they go to), Halloween costumes, trips to Santa, etc.

It all just adds up.

We operated under the plan that we don't need something until we do. We stayed in the 1 bedroom apartment for 6 months, the 2 bedroom condo for the next 2.5 years and a slightly bigger townhome now. We still make do with one small car. We only do activities like Mygym in the winter months and do free stuff in warm months. It really comes down to your comfort level and how much you like to plan.

For a different perspective, we bought a 3 bedroom house for $400k as we were expecting our first child and sold it 3 years later for $650k to buy our "dream" house to grow into with a second child. Our current house has appreciated so much that we could not afford to buy it today. I'm glad we stretched back then for what we thought we would need in the future.

[Anonymous]

PPs have said it all.

Once my DS went to public elementary for K I thought I would have a spare $2K a month but there is before and after care, soccer, swim lessons, karate, chess, and other activities.

Of course food, and clothes; we never make it 12 months in the same jeans or shoes. Healthy kid friendly foods are expensive.

As someone mentioned time is scarce so rather than running out to target or the grocery store I use Amazon and Instacart to save time.

You need more space so people often move.

Kids are people too, and people are expensive.

[Anonymous]

In addition to the direct expenses for kids, there are a lot of other things where I find I end up paying more for convenience or to save time, where I would not have if not for kids. For instance, I sometimes pay for grocery delivery rather than add an errand with kid in tow when I am already pressed for time. The house is messier and I have less time to clean it and feel more of an obligation to keep it clean for kids, so I am going to hire a cleaning service, which I never had pre-kid. I have less time for the dog so I hired a dog walker. I can't think of other examples right now but there are lots of things where I find myself paying extra for convenience or peace of mind, or so I can spend extra time with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Here is a list of the things I spent money on for my 12 year old today (who has braces and is getting a retainer next month):

1. Ice skating six-week session
2. Organic cherries
3. Two pairs of Nikes (luckily the last two pairs have lasted all school year)
4. A shirt from Forever 21 that she said was $15 but was really $20
5. A starbucks drink
6. A crepe
7. Nail polish remover
8. Fancy cheese at Whole Foods
9. Dried seaweed (I was able to steer her towards the $1.69 package rather than the $5.99 package)
10. Half hour private ice skating lesson (in addition to her weekly classes)

Now sure, you can say no to all these things and downgrade the ones you can't. But for a middle class kid this is pretty average.

[Anonymous]

Even a trip to a local amusement park will set you back 200$ for a family of 4

[Anonymous]

Travel is expensive too, especially if your child is in travel sports. Those gymnastic meets in Northern NJ which start at 730 on a weekend morning or run 2 days? Hello Hotel!

[Anonymous]

There's expenses for providing snacks for school if it's your week (up to first grade, 1 week of snacks x 24 kids including snacks for the allergic ones)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest expense is you start wanting to live in a house with four bedrooms with great or good public schools (or sometimes dream of private). This house cost trumps all. Guess why all the affordable areas have horrible schools.

+1. It's all about requiring a house with sufficient bedrooms and a good school district. This will take all of the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the PPs have hit the big ones. You need "bigger" everything. A small 1br won't cut it. Generally one small car won't cut it - you need two cars that are big enough to hold car seats. You need more plane tickets, better hotel rooms, more tickets to the movies, attractions, etc. You have to care about birthday parties (your kid's and all the other kids whose parties they go to), Halloween costumes, trips to Santa, etc.

It all just adds up.

We operated under the plan that we don't need something until we do. We stayed in the 1 bedroom apartment for 6 months, the 2 bedroom condo for the next 2.5 years and a slightly bigger townhome now. We still make do with one small car. We only do activities like Mygym in the winter months and do free stuff in warm months. It really comes down to your comfort level and how much you like to plan.

For a different perspective, we bought a 3 bedroom house for $400k as we were expecting our first child and sold it 3 years later for $650k to buy our "dream" house to grow into with a second child. Our current house has appreciated so much that we could not afford to buy it today. I'm glad we stretched back then for what we thought we would need in the future.

Sorry for 400 K House reveals you bought before the bubble which is the real secret to your success.

[Anonymous]

Health insurance can be a lot, depending on your plan. And all the other stuff really does add up-- it isn't really any one expense but the totality of it.

Even when they go to public school you may still pay for before-care and aftercare. It's nice if you have family help, but you may not always have that, or it may not be feasible for whatever reason.

If your child has a real talent in something, it's hard to not allow them to develop it just because of money.

[Anonymous]

I would say the most expensive parts are actually "optional" expenses.

1) You can choose to let your kids dance and travel sports teams take over your lives and expenses in hopes that they will be part of the .0001% that "make it" as a pro....OR you can treat their sport as just that, an extracurricular activity that keeps you busy on the weekends.

2) Most around here shove their kids into expensive summer camps from June 15-August 15th, thus taking away their "right of passage" of having a summer where all they do is go to the pool and hang out with friends.

these two things alone will suck the life out of your life savings.