Working co-parenting relationship with the former other woman?

[Anonymous]

She's obsessing because its still new and it was someone who was a friend to them. That's normal. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself and to express anger toward the OW and ex-H in safe spaces (DCUM being one of them). It just can't continue indefinitely. It's a part of the grieving process, however.

OP, you have a good head on your shoulders. I would suggest making sure that you're taking care of yourself. Exercise. Get out alone and get some fresh air. Tackle a project where you can control the outcome. For me, it was toning my body and yoga. I felt powerful in the gym at least and it eventually transferred to other areas of my life. Your kids will be fine as long as you are.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same situation, I got lucky though and she wasn't interested in having my kids around. She and ex and shiny new children pretend mine don't exist, for the most part. I got through it with years of therapy and medication. It's pleasant between the two of us, you just have to let it go if you want to live at all.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

Then you would likely be an extremely miserable person with your kids 50% of the time and 50% of the time without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

And still you would lose. Because in the eyes of a court, a cheating husband can still be a great dad. You would seriously deprive your kids of a relationship with their father to punish him for cheating? It sucks but damn, why make your kids pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

My DH's ex-wife said exactly that. Them, she did it. She lied in court. She made false allegations of abuse. She appeared angry, vindictive, and a little crazy.

We walked out of the courtroom with primary physical custody of both of the kids. They were 4 and 7 at the time. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

You do not want to follow this advise, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

My DH's ex-wife said exactly that. Them, she did it. She lied in court. She made false allegations of abuse. She appeared angry, vindictive, and a little crazy.

We walked out of the courtroom with primary physical custody of both of the kids. They were 4 and 7 at the time. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

You do not want to follow this advise, OP.

Yes, you always post this... were you a homewrecker ? And you our proud you took some other women's kids? It's clear by your continous posting of this scenario you are at once very proud of your behavior and rather mad (in the hatter sort of way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

My DH's ex-wife said exactly that. Them, she did it. She lied in court. She made false allegations of abuse. She appeared angry, vindictive, and a little crazy.

We walked out of the courtroom with primary physical custody of both of the kids. They were 4 and 7 at the time. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

You do not want to follow this advise, OP.

Yes, you always post this... were you a homewrecker ? And you our proud you took some other women's kids? It's clear by your continous posting of this scenario you are at once very proud of your behavior and rather mad (in the hatter sort of way).

I was not a "homewrecker". I did not "take some other women's kids". I am very proud of my behavior because despite the ugly allegations, constant attempts to alienate the kids from their dad, and threats, my DH and I were able to rise above it. We didn't retaliate even when we really, really wanted to. I have never said an unkind thing to my stepkids' mother. I am very proud of that.

Had my husband's ex-wife acted more like an adult, the outcome would have been very different. The post I responded to suggested lying and cheating to prevent the other parent from access to his children. I am simply pointing out that often that kind of behavior backfires.

[Anonymous]

My ex left me and is married to the woman he left me for. I have a good co parenting relationship with him, and I don't deal with her at all. I have never met her, and don't intend to unless I absolutely have to. My kid is happy and never complains about her. From what I can tell she treats him very well. I've left it at that.

[Anonymous]

So sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I would be goddamned if I'd lose half my parenting time with my child because of my ex and some whore. I truly would do whatever it took to prevent myself from losing any time. I would lie, cheat, and say whatever to prevent it. You have my sympathy, OP.

My DH's ex-wife said exactly that. Them, she did it. She lied in court. She made false allegations of abuse. She appeared angry, vindictive, and a little crazy.

We walked out of the courtroom with primary physical custody of both of the kids. They were 4 and 7 at the time. She got every other weekend and four weeks during the summer.

You do not want to follow this advise, OP.

Yes, you always post this... were you a homewrecker ? And you our proud you took some other women's kids? It's clear by your continous posting of this scenario you are at once very proud of your behavior and rather mad (in the hatter sort of way).

I know. This poster posts the same story on OW threads all the time...it happened in the Atlanta area, blah, blah, blah...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex left me and is married to the woman he left me for. I have a good co parenting relationship with him, and I don't deal with her at all. I have never met her, and don't intend to unless I absolutely have to. My kid is happy and never complains about her. From what I can tell she treats him very well. I've left it at that.

How do you do things like birthday parties and school performances? Does the OW just agree not to be included? I know the former OW in my life will absolutely push to be involved in everything-and the ex is easily influenced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex left me and is married to the woman he left me for. I have a good co parenting relationship with him, and I don't deal with her at all. I have never met her, and don't intend to unless I absolutely have to. My kid is happy and never complains about her. From what I can tell she treats him very well. I've left it at that.

How do you do things like birthday parties and school performances? Does the OW just agree not to be included? I know the former OW in my life will absolutely push to be involved in everything-and the ex is easily influenced.

What happens when your child gets married or has children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex left me and is married to the woman he left me for. I have a good co parenting relationship with him, and I don't deal with her at all. I have never met her, and don't intend to unless I absolutely have to. My kid is happy and never complains about her. From what I can tell she treats him very well. I've left it at that.

How do you do things like birthday parties and school performances? Does the OW just agree not to be included? I know the former OW in my life will absolutely push to be involved in everything-and the ex is easily influenced.

What happens when your child gets married or has children?

Exactly. Which gets back to the original question of how you have some sort of functional relationship with the OW. In my case, the woman in question has never gone more than 5 years without an affair, so I'm assuming we don't have to worry about weddings and grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the only thing you can do is establish strong boundaries to protect yourself. It's really not necessary to be in contact with a woman who is so unstable. You have no way to influence her. You will not be able to make her "see" that what she is doing is wrong. You need to focus on making your time with your child the happiest and most stable it can be. Be courteous at drop-offs and pick-ups or if you have to be at school or sports events together. If you do not already have it, try for a no paramours clause and/or a "right of first refusal" so that your child cannot be left alone with the other woman. These are common elements of custody agreements. They are, perhaps, not highly enforceable, but often negotiating them means that the other parent may choose to leave the child with you rather than the new wife when the bio dad cannot be present.

+1. Right of first refusal is important.