Grandpa doesn't play

[Anonymous]

Will he watch cartoons with your kid? My dad will sit with my kids watching TV, but interacting. They will snuggle, laugh, talk at the screen. It's a lot of TV, but it's only one time a year and they've gotten into an "old-man" routine that they all enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand you can't force it, and I have a FIL who chooses not to engage with our kid with no physical inability to do so, but why do they bother to visit then? What exactly do they think is going to happen on a visit to a house with very young children who can't do museum visits and such. My ILs have the expectation that our 4 year old, whom they have no interest in reading to, watching a show with, anything, should be silent and leave them in complete peace while they read their books or play on their iPads. In our house. If she so much as asks one of us, not them as she has long stopped trying, to read, play or take her to the park, they sigh audibly and roll their eyes at the interruption.

Why visit? What purpose does it serve?

They will have some interaction, just not the kind you envision. The adult world is not there to entertain your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father is 89 and in poor health. He can walk only very short distances (like around their ranch style house). We went on a cruise with our 3.5 yo twins and even though he spent most of the time in his wheelchair, he loved interacting with his twin grandchildren. One thought that grandpa's lap was his personal seat. We would go on excursions and he would stop us so that he could climb up into grandpa's lap and ride around (the other wanted to walk, but rode in grandpa's lap when he was tired of walking). I think my dad kind of wore himself out trying to play with the kids, pull them up into his lap (I asked him not to, but he insisted he was able to help them up). My dad can't really read to his grandkids very well since his eyesight is not so great anymore. He can read for a short time like menus and short things, but a whole book, even a children's book is a little much of a strain. But he plays with them and he listens when they babble at him about 19 different topics in 12 seconds. And they take pride that they "show" grandpa all the interesting things he's not paying attention to. The three of them have a blast together and mostly Dad just sits and lets the kids "drive". At this stage in their life, they want adult attention and he's got plenty of that to give.

Is there a point to this beyond showing how OP how awesome your dad is in comparison, despite physical challenges?


Didn't think so.

[Anonymous]

"The adult world is not there to entertain your children."

Shocking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you can't force it, and I have a FIL who chooses not to engage with our kid with no physical inability to do so, but why do they bother to visit then? What exactly do they think is going to happen on a visit to a house with very young children who can't do museum visits and such. My ILs have the expectation that our 4 year old, whom they have no interest in reading to, watching a show with, anything, should be silent and leave them in complete peace while they read their books or play on their iPads. In our house. If she so much as asks one of us, not them as she has long stopped trying, to read, play or take her to the park, they sigh audibly and roll their eyes at the interruption.

Why visit? What purpose does it serve?

They will have some interaction, just not the kind you envision. The adult world is not there to entertain your children.

Very true. The reverse is also true. Children are not there to entertain adults. If adults choose to ignore kids, well, they shouldn't be surprised when they are equally ignored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father is 89 and in poor health. He can walk only very short distances (like around their ranch style house). We went on a cruise with our 3.5 yo twins and even though he spent most of the time in his wheelchair, he loved interacting with his twin grandchildren. One thought that grandpa's lap was his personal seat. We would go on excursions and he would stop us so that he could climb up into grandpa's lap and ride around (the other wanted to walk, but rode in grandpa's lap when he was tired of walking). I think my dad kind of wore himself out trying to play with the kids, pull them up into his lap (I asked him not to, but he insisted he was able to help them up). My dad can't really read to his grandkids very well since his eyesight is not so great anymore. He can read for a short time like menus and short things, but a whole book, even a children's book is a little much of a strain. But he plays with them and he listens when they babble at him about 19 different topics in 12 seconds. And they take pride that they "show" grandpa all the interesting things he's not paying attention to. The three of them have a blast together and mostly Dad just sits and lets the kids "drive". At this stage in their life, they want adult attention and he's got plenty of that to give.

Is there a point to this beyond showing how OP how awesome your dad is in comparison, despite physical challenges?


Didn't think so.

Yes, the point is that "playing" can take different forms. Why not suggest that they watch TV together? If that's what Dad does, then maybe make an exception to the "No TV" rule by letting them watch TV. For my kids, even climbing up and down the couch while Grandpa watches TV would be fun as long as Grandpa would listen to them babble while they do so. If he can multitask, by watching TV and acting like he's paying attention to his granddaughter, they might get a long. My kids and their grandfather worked out a way for them to interact while even though he can't physically play with them. All it takes is giving them a little attention and letting them play. OP's father may not understand this and think that he has to actually interact with the granddaughter. My kids will be enthusiastic if you look at them and occasionally say "Yes, that's right." or "That's so good!" etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here, it helps to see that others are in the same boat and coping. If my son wasn't starting to say something about it (and sound so sad) it wouldn't be an issue. I'm going to take the opportunity that spring and summer provide to invite my inlaws to neutral territory and stress less if they aren't interested. We will be leaving the area in 18 months so it is really a short term issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father is 89 and in poor health. He can walk only very short distances (like around their ranch style house). We went on a cruise with our 3.5 yo twins and even though he spent most of the time in his wheelchair, he loved interacting with his twin grandchildren. One thought that grandpa's lap was his personal seat. We would go on excursions and he would stop us so that he could climb up into grandpa's lap and ride around (the other wanted to walk, but rode in grandpa's lap when he was tired of walking). I think my dad kind of wore himself out trying to play with the kids, pull them up into his lap (I asked him not to, but he insisted he was able to help them up). My dad can't really read to his grandkids very well since his eyesight is not so great anymore. He can read for a short time like menus and short things, but a whole book, even a children's book is a little much of a strain. But he plays with them and he listens when they babble at him about 19 different topics in 12 seconds. And they take pride that they "show" grandpa all the interesting things he's not paying attention to. The three of them have a blast together and mostly Dad just sits and lets the kids "drive". At this stage in their life, they want adult attention and he's got plenty of that to give.

Is there a point to this beyond showing how OP how awesome your dad is in comparison, despite physical challenges?


Didn't think so.

Yes, the point is that "playing" can take different forms. Why not suggest that they watch TV together? If that's what Dad does, then maybe make an exception to the "No TV" rule by letting them watch TV. For my kids, even climbing up and down the couch while Grandpa watches TV would be fun as long as Grandpa would listen to them babble while they do so. If he can multitask, by watching TV and acting like he's paying attention to his granddaughter, they might get a long. My kids and their grandfather worked out a way for them to interact while even though he can't physically play with them. All it takes is giving them a little attention and letting them play. OP's father may not understand this and think that he has to actually interact with the granddaughter. My kids will be enthusiastic if you look at them and occasionally say "Yes, that's right." or "That's so good!" etc.

I have no problem with this but FIL struggles with it.

[Anonymous]

My FIL and MIL do the same thing, They only live 15 mins from us and say they love having DD over, ( she is almost 3). If we ask them to babysit in the evening they ask for her to sleep over because its easier for them. It drives me nuts, The TV is on the whole time, Its kid stuff admittedly but its still annoying. They are in their 60's so not old.
They have blocks and other toys at their house that they bought for DD and they never play with them.
Makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

I have no expectations at all of my parents or ILs when it comes to interacting with my child. I grew up with distant grandparents, and since the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, don't ask too much of mine.

They have taken my kids to the playground (and sat on benches to watch them play) and read to them (with sweaters full of cigarette smoke, but I only realized that after the fact!). My father will occasionally build Legos with them, which is above and beyond the role I expected him to play.

This does NOT mean the grandparents don't love their grandkids! Let it go, OP.

[Anonymous]

It's ok for your kid to be sad. It's a valid emotion, one of many he'll face in life. Really, he'll survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

What a killjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL does not play with my 3 year old son and he has started to notice and say things like "grandpa doesn't play, he watches tv" My FIL is a nice guy but he's had some health challenges, is older, and is sometimes visibly distressed by typical toddler stuff. I'm curious to know what others would so in this situation. I want him to have a relationship with his grandpa but not if it stresses them both out. MIL would probably come to our house to see him.

There must be some kind of quiet play that doesn't require a lot of effort and that your FIL can engage in.

Can your husband approach him about this? Doesn't FIL want his grandchild to have cherished memories of grandpa? I realize he can't shoot hoops or kick a ball around with him, and your child is too young for that anyhow, but not wanting to play with him, period, is weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of my grandparents played with me. That's with cousins and siblings are four. I related to my parents on their level - going to church with them, helping them in the kitchen. They didn't get down in the floor and play Legos with me.

Teach your kid to be less self centered. The world does not revolve around him.

You're missing the point so much it's not even funny. I hope you never have children or grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

What a killjoy.

i think you'll get a lot more joy out of life by accepting who people are instead of fretting that they aren't who we wish they were.