Grandpa doesn't play

[Anonymous]

My FIL does not play with my 3 year old son and he has started to notice and say things like "grandpa doesn't play, he watches tv" My FIL is a nice guy but he's had some health challenges, is older, and is sometimes visibly distressed by typical toddler stuff. I'm curious to know what others would so in this situation. I want him to have a relationship with his grandpa but not if it stresses them both out. MIL would probably come to our house to see him.

[Anonymous]

Can you have grampa read him a book? A specific activity could help them interact. It can be hard to "play" with a 3yo if you're not used to little kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

[Anonymous]

My dad is on the laptop/his phone the entire time he's around my family. It's frustrating but I'm not going to change him. My FIL would love to be on the floor with my kids, but is elderly and had a hip replacement recently. That's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

Unfortunately he won't. We even bought a special Grandpa and me book. It wouldn't be as big of an issue if their house was laid out differently. The area for playing is very near the tv.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my kid that different people like doing different things. I would also talk about physical challenges as you get older. Other than that, I wouldn't do anything. FIL is old enough to set his own limits with typical toddler stuff and he can choose to play, or not.

[Anonymous]

That's okay. Some grandpas don't like to play. Don't force it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

Unfortunately he won't. We even bought a special Grandpa and me book. It wouldn't be as big of an issue if their house was laid out differently. The area for playing is very near the tv.

Maybe they can watch a show together? A documentary on space or dinosaurs perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

I am confused by this statement. Do you mean grandparents or adults in general?

My parents play with DS all the time. Lego, Chess, Board games, Beyblades.
I also play with DS. Board games, video games, we even flew a kite last weekend.

[Anonymous]

Adults never played with kids surname I grew up. I think this expectation is new. It would be nice is grandpa could share a special skill with your kid, wood working, puzzles, whatever, but that's not the grandpa your kid got. When your kid is older have him ask about grandpa's younger years. They might be fun fir them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

I am confused by this statement. Do you mean grandparents or adults in general?

My parents play with DS all the time. Lego, Chess, Board games, Beyblades.
I also play with DS. Board games, video games, we even flew a kite last weekend.

NP, but I agree. It's great if grandparents can and want to play with grandkids. But they don't have to. There should not be an obligation there.

[Anonymous]

Can some one, you or your husband, ask FIL what he'd like to do with the kids without offending him? Don't press it if it's a touchy subject, but if it would be well received, just ask. Maybe FIL isn't into playing or reading a book, but maybe he plays an instrument or likes to tell stories or would be happy to just watch from afar but won't interact much until the kid is older. Whatever the answer is, accept it and try not to worry about it. The disengaged fatherly figure in the corner isn't going to be the elephant in the room that even your two year old is picking up on unless you make him that. I had a grandfather like that - always reading the paper when we were over, the most he really engaged with me as a child was when he made me a burger. It was never an issue really.

[Anonymous]

Would it be possible to leave the TV off? Maybe, the house rules become that there is no TV while you have guests (rule directed at your child), so that everyone can engage in conversation. Or, go somewhere together. Even if grandpa is sitting on bench, there's a greater chance he'll engage your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's okay. Some grandpas don't like to play. Don't force it.

Live and let live OP.

[Anonymous]

I understand you can't force it, and I have a FIL who chooses not to engage with our kid with no physical inability to do so, but why do they bother to visit then? What exactly do they think is going to happen on a visit to a house with very young children who can't do museum visits and such. My ILs have the expectation that our 4 year old, whom they have no interest in reading to, watching a show with, anything, should be silent and leave them in complete peace while they read their books or play on their iPads. In our house. If she so much as asks one of us, not them as she has long stopped trying, to read, play or take her to the park, they sigh audibly and roll their eyes at the interruption.

Why visit? What purpose does it serve?