Grandpa doesn't play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you can't force it, and I have a FIL who chooses not to engage with our kid with no physical inability to do so, but why do they bother to visit then? What exactly do they think is going to happen on a visit to a house with very young children who can't do museum visits and such. My ILs have the expectation that our 4 year old, whom they have no interest in reading to, watching a show with, anything, should be silent and leave them in complete peace while they read their books or play on their iPads. In our house. If she so much as asks one of us, not them as she has long stopped trying, to read, play or take her to the park, they sigh audibly and roll their eyes at the interruption.

Why visit? What purpose does it serve?

So they can tell their friends that they visited you. If you don't want them to visit, just let them know.

+1 If you'd see the pictures, you'd think FIL is grandpa of the year. He stayed for a week and literally didn't spend more than 15 minutes with the kids. He made sure that the few times he held them someone would take a photo.

Sorry for my language, but what a dick.

He wants to show off, but he doesn't want to put in the effort required for building a relationship with his grandchildren.

I would not allow this to continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

What a killjoy.

i think you'll get a lot more joy out of life by accepting who people are instead of fretting that they aren't who we wish they were.

If "what we wish they were" got to the point of ignoring their grandchild and watch TV and nothing else during a visit, then I'd cut them off. I don't need anyone like that in my life or in my children's life. And my children don't, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ok for your kid to be sad. It's a valid emotion, one of many he'll face in life. Really, he'll survive.

Not OP, however I'm aiming for more than "survivial" for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

What a killjoy.

i think you'll get a lot more joy out of life by accepting who people are instead of fretting that they aren't who we wish they were.

If "what we wish they were" got to the point of ignoring their grandchild and watch TV and nothing else during a visit, then I'd cut them off. I don't need anyone like that in my life or in my children's life. And my children don't, either.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

What a killjoy.

i think you'll get a lot more joy out of life by accepting who people are instead of fretting that they aren't who we wish they were.

If "what we wish they were" got to the point of ignoring their grandchild and watch TV and nothing else during a visit, then I'd cut them off. I don't need anyone like that in my life or in my children's life. And my children don't, either.

It's pretty selfish of you to decide that the grandparents are just a waste of time and cut them off. Your children may not appreciate this later in life when they realize that thanks to you, they never saw their grandparents. As I never got the opportunity to meet 3 of my 4 grandparents and the fourth was a quadriplegic when I met her, I personally would appreciate having memories of sitting and watching TV with my grandfather if that was the only memory I had of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you can't force it, and I have a FIL who chooses not to engage with our kid with no physical inability to do so, but why do they bother to visit then? What exactly do they think is going to happen on a visit to a house with very young children who can't do museum visits and such. My ILs have the expectation that our 4 year old, whom they have no interest in reading to, watching a show with, anything, should be silent and leave them in complete peace while they read their books or play on their iPads. In our house. If she so much as asks one of us, not them as she has long stopped trying, to read, play or take her to the park, they sigh audibly and roll their eyes at the interruption.

Why visit? What purpose does it serve?

They will have some interaction, just not the kind you envision. The adult world is not there to entertain your children.

I'm pretty sure you've likely not had this situation.

The only interaction is negative with my ILs "shushing" our child if she makes a peep in our house. I don't expect anyone to entertain my child (I'm not OP) and have long accepted the lack of role my ILs play, but I don't think it is too much to ask that they treat her with even a modicum of decency I our own home. So they come to visit our house and then get irritated when our world does not cater to their desire to become one with our couches in utter silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you can't force it, and I have a FIL who chooses not to engage with our kid with no physical inability to do so, but why do they bother to visit then? What exactly do they think is going to happen on a visit to a house with very young children who can't do museum visits and such. My ILs have the expectation that our 4 year old, whom they have no interest in reading to, watching a show with, anything, should be silent and leave them in complete peace while they read their books or play on their iPads. In our house. If she so much as asks one of us, not them as she has long stopped trying, to read, play or take her to the park, they sigh audibly and roll their eyes at the interruption.

Why visit? What purpose does it serve?

They will have some interaction, just not the kind you envision. The adult world is not there to entertain your children.

I'm pretty sure you've likely not had this situation.

The only interaction is negative with my ILs "shushing" our child if she makes a peep in our house. I don't expect anyone to entertain my child (I'm not OP) and have long accepted the lack of role my ILs play, but I don't think it is too much to ask that they treat her with even a modicum of decency I our own home. So they come to visit our house and then get irritated when our world does not cater to their desire to become one with our couches in utter silence.

Wow. Sorry you're in this situation. Who the heck do they think they are.

Don't let them stay at your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

Unfortunately he won't. We even bought a special Grandpa and me book. It wouldn't be as big of an issue if their house was laid out differently. The area for playing is very near the tv.

We have a similar situation. 90% of the time we just have MIL come to our house. Everyone is happier.

[Anonymous]

I don' have any memory of any of my grandparents playing with me. When I was a little older I remember going on errands with my grandma and helping my grandpa in the garden and I felt very loved and loved them. Just because they're not interesting in sitting on the floor with your toddler doesn't mean they don't love them and won't be close when you're a little older.

Don't kill hat chance just because FIL doesn't like to "play"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think adults should be expected to play with kids. I like the idea of reading a book though.

Unfortunately he won't. We even bought a special Grandpa and me book. It wouldn't be as big of an issue if their house was laid out differently. The area for playing is very near the tv.

We have a similar situation. 90% of the time we just have MIL come to our house. Everyone is happier.

I think that's the new plan. He used to be so eager to go over to their house and refuse to leave, now he says he doesn't want to go and wants to leave as soon as I return or dinner is done. But previous posters are right. I can't force them to do anything.

[Anonymous]

My FIL doesn't like kids. He never has. His interaction with our kids is minimal. No playing, no book reading. We do nothing and let the relationship be what it is. Honestly, I think if we tried to change FIL or force some kind of relationship, it would be stressful for everyone, including us.

[Anonymous]

Pp, i have inlaws like yours. They love the kids, but no tolerence for kids being kids. Grandpa is a grump. It sucks. Sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don' have any memory of any of my grandparents playing with me. When I was a little older I remember going on errands with my grandma and helping my grandpa in the garden and I felt very loved and loved them. Just because they're not interesting in sitting on the floor with your toddler doesn't mean they don't love them and won't be close when you're a little older.

Don't kill hat chance just because FIL doesn't like to "play"

You have me thinking back on my time with my grandparents and I can't remember my grandma or grandpa playing with me either. Maybe cards or checkers, but they'd never let me win. When I spent the night with my great grandma, we'd always play a board game (aggravation) after dinner. Yet, I absolutely loved hanging out at their houses as a kid. My grandpa always had the tv on, watching news or grown up shows that were incredibly boring. I could chat with him during commercials. When the news came back on I'd run back in the kitchen with grandma and help her by writing down the grocery list as she dictated, or rolling out biscuit dough, or whatever chore she was doing. I'd go on errands with them, garden with them, and I even got to go hunting with grandpa a few times.

We never played with toys. I still have fond memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don' have any memory of any of my grandparents playing with me. When I was a little older I remember going on errands with my grandma and helping my grandpa in the garden and I felt very loved and loved them. Just because they're not interesting in sitting on the floor with your toddler doesn't mean they don't love them and won't be close when you're a little older.

Don't kill hat chance just because FIL doesn't like to "play"

You have me thinking back on my time with my grandparents and I can't remember my grandma or grandpa playing with me either. Maybe cards or checkers, but they'd never let me win. When I spent the night with my great grandma, we'd always play a board game (aggravation) after dinner. Yet, I absolutely loved hanging out at their houses as a kid. My grandpa always had the tv on, watching news or grown up shows that were incredibly boring. I could chat with him during commercials. When the news came back on I'd run back in the kitchen with grandma and help her by writing down the grocery list as she dictated, or rolling out biscuit dough, or whatever chore she was doing. I'd go on errands with them, garden with them, and I even got to go hunting with grandpa a few times.

We never played with toys. I still have fond memories.

But did he get frustrated with you for trying to play? That's one of our issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don' have any memory of any of my grandparents playing with me. When I was a little older I remember going on errands with my grandma and helping my grandpa in the garden and I felt very loved and loved them. Just because they're not interesting in sitting on the floor with your toddler doesn't mean they don't love them and won't be close when you're a little older.

Don't kill hat chance just because FIL doesn't like to "play"

You have me thinking back on my time with my grandparents and I can't remember my grandma or grandpa playing with me either. Maybe cards or checkers, but they'd never let me win. When I spent the night with my great grandma, we'd always play a board game (aggravation) after dinner. Yet, I absolutely loved hanging out at their houses as a kid. My grandpa always had the tv on, watching news or grown up shows that were incredibly boring. I could chat with him during commercials. When the news came back on I'd run back in the kitchen with grandma and help her by writing down the grocery list as she dictated, or rolling out biscuit dough, or whatever chore she was doing. I'd go on errands with them, garden with them, and I even got to go hunting with grandpa a few times.

We never played with toys. I still have fond memories.

But did he get frustrated with you for trying to play? That's one of our issues.

If I interrupted Dan Rather, hell yeah he did. And if I brought him a Barbie doll to play with? Lmao. I won't even repeat the things he'd say about men playing with dolls.

We kids adjusted to our grandparents. They didn't adjust to us.