If you are married to the favorite child, do you know it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Favorite by default - I'm an only child, and was completely smothered until I fled the nest.

DH is decidedly not the favorite, although he is the most intellectual and is respected for his advice. That's fine, because my ILs are good people and treat all their children and their wives with loving kindness.

Same here. I don't think I'm the favorite of either of my parents. However, I am the most intellectual of my siblings and am probably who my parents would actually take advice from. I'm pretty sure my mom's favorite is my older sister (she had her young; different father) and I'm pretty sure my dad's favorite is my younger brother (only boy). Regardless, my parents go out of their way to treat us all kindly and equally so it doesn't really bother me. I don't think my in-laws have a favorite of their two kids. It seems to vary and sometimes they seem to be upset with both DH and his sister.

[Anonymous]

I was married to the favorite (the baby) and it made our relationship harder because his mom never thought he did anything wrong ever (even watching porn at work).

I am now marrying a least favorite child (FMIL's darkest son) and nicest thing is that she prefers not to see us often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married to the favorite (the baby) and it made our relationship harder because his mom never thought he did anything wrong ever (even watching porn at work).

I am now marrying a least favorite child (FMIL's darkest son) and nicest thing is that she prefers not to see us often.

Congratulations! Hope you have a happy life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the favorite of his parents and his sister is mostly OK with it except that their Mom set up their trusts so that DH is the trustee of his own and SIL has the bank as her trustee. I stayed FAR away from that issue. On the other hand, SIL's firstborn is the favorite grandchild. Her son is all my MIL talks about. Not interested in ours in the least.

This is common. MIL favors her daughter's children over her son's.

[Anonymous]

My SIL was the favorite of my IL's 3 children, probably since she was an oops baby (much younger) and the only girl. She was raised more as an only child and given more due to their more prosperous position in life. This made her much less independent than her older brothers. They will subsidizing her living expenses until she married and had children. They also would pay for extracurricular activities and clothing for her two children. They also would be her sounding board foe her marriage problems. She never learned how to manage her money or her marriage. Even though she and her husband made good incomes, they are now bankrupt and divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the favorite of his parents and his sister is mostly OK with it except that their Mom set up their trusts so that DH is the trustee of his own and SIL has the bank as her trustee. I stayed FAR away from that issue. On the other hand, SIL's firstborn is the favorite grandchild. Her son is all my MIL talks about. Not interested in ours in the least.

This is common. MIL favors her daughter's children over her son's.

Different poster here. This does not make preferential treatment okay. Ask any grandchild. Both most and least favored sides feel it. Is this how you want to be remembered? As the grandparent who favored and couldn't keep their sh*t together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the favorite of his parents and his sister is mostly OK with it except that their Mom set up their trusts so that DH is the trustee of his own and SIL has the bank as her trustee. I stayed FAR away from that issue. On the other hand, SIL's firstborn is the favorite grandchild. Her son is all my MIL talks about. Not interested in ours in the least.

This is common. MIL favors her daughter's children over her son's.

Different poster here. This does not make preferential treatment okay. Ask any grandchild. Both most and least favored sides feel it. Is this how you want to be remembered? As the grandparent who favored and couldn't keep their sh*t together?

I didn't say it was ok, just common. My MIL favor's SIL's kids and spends much more time with them. Not a darn thing I can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married to the favorite (the baby) and it made our relationship harder because his mom never thought he did anything wrong ever (even watching porn at work).

I am now marrying a least favorite child (FMIL's darkest son) and nicest thing is that she prefers not to see us often.

Wait, what? You're marrying your brother-in-law??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly my spouse has realized his parents have a favorite of the four & that he is not it. I don't begrudge the parents liking one child more than the other, think it is human nature. We both agree that his parents & the fav are clueless and have a total lack of empathy in almost every situation not just this. The favoritism is pretty mild (compared to stuff I've read on DCUM) but pervasive & does directly affect him. Are you married to the favorite? Does your spouse realize they are? If spouse & parents are clueless, or even if not, do you try to do what you can to make things "fair.

OP:

1. Do you know what the word "empathy" means? A total lack would make them sociopaths. Not very likely.

2. Are you the OP of the thread about being pregnant and the ILs not "on board." If so, please focus on something else. If not, please focus on something else.

1. Are you aware that slight exaggeration is often used, especially on DCUM. Also, are you familiar with the word “almost?” As in “almost every situation” as I stated above and which is accurate from my 10 years with them?

2. No. Seems you need to be the one to focus on something else. You added nothing useful to the thread. Gnats are worse than trolls, at least trolls are entertaining. Gnats, like you, are just annoying.

So you slightly exaggerate by saying someone has a total lack of empathy? That's hardly slight. "Almost" isn't an appropriate qualifier. See this kid is almost five:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/460846.page;jsessionid=80FEF23E34DFE6014E0854E83D25FB4E.dcum2

But you are a grown up. Time to act like one and stop wallowing about your meany in-laws.

[Anonymous]

I don't think my in-laws have a favorite, but old dynamics die hard. My husband (oldest son) was always an overachiever, independent, etc. His baby brother had to work harder in school and needed more help from their parents. Now that they're grown, both are successful and stable, but my in-laws still act like my BIL and SIL need extra help, especially financially. "They just bought a house, they can't pay for their own dinner/afford a hotel room for a family wedding/come visit," whatever the case may be. Stuff they never ever would have thought of when it came to us, even under similar circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is the favorite (youngest, only girl, vivacious) and revels in it; my BIL milks it. She is super friendly and generous... as long as everyone cooperates with her being the top of the pecking order.

e.g. Not 15 minutes after loving on my infant daughter and saying how much she loved her, her own 3yo DD (the Heir to the Favorite) woke up from her nap and came into the room so SIL forced her parents to stop holding the baby because it would hurt her DD's feelings to see them holding someone who wasn't her.

OMG. She is raising another narcissist.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to the not-favorite. He knows it and I know it. The dynamic of clear favoritism, with its undercurrent of rejection, hurts kids and I think they carry it with them always, no matter how old and successful they are.

[Anonymous]

yes, my DH, the younger of his parents' 2 sons, is definitely the favorite. his older brother is argumentative and difficult and doesnt have a good job, which really seems to really bother my MIL..i think she thinks he's wasting his talents. meanwhile, my DH is easy to get along with, easy going in general and very successful in his career. Another factor in all this is that my ILs--while they are nice to both me and my SIL--clearly prefer me. It sometimes makes me feel uneasy and I don't think in general parents should play favorites. However, in my ILs' case, I can see why they prefer my husband as he just was an easier child to raise and is nicer to them than my BIL is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is the favorite (youngest, only girl, vivacious) and revels in it; my BIL milks it. She is super friendly and generous... as long as everyone cooperates with her being the top of the pecking order.

e.g. Not 15 minutes after loving on my infant daughter and saying how much she loved her, her own 3yo DD (the Heir to the Favorite) woke up from her nap and came into the room so SIL forced her parents to stop holding the baby because it would hurt her DD's feelings to see them holding someone who wasn't her.

OMG. She is raising another narcissist.

Yep. Oh the threads I could devote to each of them.

If only I could use them as material to write the next big series a la Arrested Development without them completely disowning me, I would make a fortune!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was married to the favorite (the baby) and it made our relationship harder because his mom never thought he did anything wrong ever (even watching porn at work).

I am now marrying a least favorite child (FMIL's darkest son) and nicest thing is that she prefers not to see us often.

Congratulations! Hope you have a happy life together.

Thanks!