If you are married to the favorite child, do you know it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was married to the favorite (the baby) and it made our relationship harder because his mom never thought he did anything wrong ever (even watching porn at work).

I am now marrying a least favorite child (FMIL's darkest son) and nicest thing is that she prefers not to see us often.

Wait, what? You're marrying your brother-in-law??

Totally different family.

[Anonymous]

My DH is the favorite. There were 2 kids, two years apart in their family and DH has always been more socially adept, stable, smarter, and charismatic than his sister, but I think their parents see sis as inept and thus favor DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is the favorite (youngest, only girl, vivacious) and revels in it; my BIL milks it. She is super friendly and generous... as long as everyone cooperates with her being the top of the pecking order.

e.g. Not 15 minutes after loving on my infant daughter and saying how much she loved her, her own 3yo DD (the Heir to the Favorite) woke up from her nap and came into the room so SIL forced her parents to stop holding the baby because it would hurt her DD's feelings to see them holding someone who wasn't her.

No way! Did the grandparents oblige?

[Anonymous]

My husband is the eldest son and most successful financially. My inlaws are definitely the most proud of him.

However, my sister in law, who also has a very good career, is super needy emotionally and has them wrapped around her finger. When she says jump, they say how high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the eldest son and most successful financially. My inlaws are definitely the most proud of him.

However, my sister in law, who also has a very good career, is super needy emotionally and has them wrapped around her finger. When she says jump, they say how high?

+1

Same here. I think mil sees sil as more needy, so mil caters to her more.

[Anonymous]

My DH is oldest and ranks 3rd favorite out of four siblings. His brother, 3 years younger is favorite, baby brother (much younger) is next favorite- treated like a baby, then my husband, last is sister. Definitely creates problems in sibling relationships.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand it, but mil has serious favorites - the ones that need her the most. We are happily married, financially secure and our kids are normal. All the others are not. We get the short stick - ignored. I don't want to deal with any of the 8 degrees of dysfunction so I ignore it all.

[Anonymous]

My sisters claim that I am my dad's favourite, and sometimes I think it's true. But when I was in high school we did not get along AT ALL. My youngest sister is my mom's favourite and everyone knows it, including my dad. My mom blows it off like we're being silly but it's just for show. Even she can't deny that youngest sister is her favourite. It doesn't bother me much now but it used to when we were younger.

I think DH is the favourite in his family, though ILs aren't at all obvious about it. Like a pp, he is significantly younger than his older siblings and was thus treated more like an only child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the eldest son and most successful financially. My inlaws are definitely the most proud of him.

However, my sister in law, who also has a very good career, is super needy emotionally and has them wrapped around her finger. When she says jump, they say how high?

+1

Same here. I think mil sees sil as more needy, so mil caters to her more.

Pp here- it definitely enables sil's shortcomings!

[Anonymous]

The film "Ordinary People" directed by Robert Redford and starring Mary Tyler Moore and Donald Sutherland as the parents of young Timothy Hutton, shows this dynamic of a "golden son."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the favorite of his parents and his sister is mostly OK with it except that their Mom set up their trusts so that DH is the trustee of his own and SIL has the bank as her trustee. I stayed FAR away from that issue. On the other hand, SIL's firstborn is the favorite grandchild. Her son is all my MIL talks about. Not interested in ours in the least.

This is common. MIL favors her daughter's children over her son's.

From old fashioned families, the daughter is seen as the one to favor as parents age. She is more likely to be the care giver as the parents age. Sons are favored when they are younger, to become financially successful. Sometimes that means the son will have to move way for work and he will not be the day to day tasks care giver like the daughter.

[Anonymous]

SIL is the golden one, always has been. Even during the Easter dinner her name and stories about her family popped up as usual even though we were the ones sitting at the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm married to the not-favorite. He knows it and I know it. The dynamic of clear favoritism, with its undercurrent of rejection, hurts kids and I think they carry it with them always, no matter how old and successful they are.

Yes and it carries on to their children withunpleasant dynamic s.