My almost 5 year is perceiving differences that don't exist

[Anonymous]

Last night I came home in the middle of a complete melt down. It was 8:00pm and my husband had just taken DD out of the bath. (Bedtime is 8:30pm) My 4 year old was screaming because DD2 (our 2year old) got to get of the bath tub first and it wasn't fair. I know that this is a stupid fight, but they are 2 and 4 so I entertain them. The problem was not the fight, but that my 4 year old continued to say that the 2 year old always gets to get out first. That is actually not true at all. Some nights they argue about who gets to stay longer. I explained that we do not make differences, and she said yes you do, sister always gets her stories read first too. That again is not true. We split bedtime stories. My husband reads to one child and I read to the other child. Story time begins at the same time and ends at the same time. In fact DD2's story time sometimes starts a little after DD1 because I am always trying to wash the last dish, or fold the last bit of clothes before we start. Are we always fair about every single thing, probably not. But do we try our absolute best, yes. Anyone else encounter this with a 4/5 year old who has a younger sibling? Is there something that i can do better? Should I worry about her perception?

[Anonymous]

OP, this is typical kid behavior. Stop worrying about it. They will always think the other sibling is treated like a prince/princess and they are treated like a servant. No matter what.

[Anonymous]

You could point out the reality to her during the activity when she is calm. "Look, you and sibling are doing X at exactly the same time."

Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

DS went through the "do it first" phase at 2 - 2.5. It passes.

[Anonymous]

My older child, now six, has an overdeveloped sense of equity, particularly when it comes to her 3 yo brother. It has slowly gotten better. I look forward to seeing any advice you may receive!

[Anonymous]

DS told my mother, "After you turn five, nothing is fair". I am sure he was talking about life with a new baby sister. He was right!

[Anonymous]

It is attention-seeking and nothing more. DD went through this phase and, after several incidents of pointing out the facts and correcting her perceptions, I just started smiling and teasingly agreeing with her (which always ended in tickles).

[Anonymous]

This is normal sibling rivalry. The other day I wanted to put on Bubble Guppies which my toddler loves. Preschooler said WE ALWAYS WATCH HER SHOWS, WE'VE BEEN WATCHING THEM ALLLLLL DAY! Patently untrue. Kids being kids.

[Anonymous]

It'll get better. Certainly by the time they are in their 30s.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to wait it out, you could make a calendar/chart. That way older DC can easily see "I got story first this day. Sibling got out of bath first this day." Etc

[Anonymous]

I agree this is normal and bound to happen. But if you are hearing it a lot I might ask whether DD genuinely needs more connection. It's not easy to be the older sibling of a 2yo. I'd try to build in some one on one time with each parent (hard, I know), and make sure she knows she is loved. Acknowledge that 2yp sister does require more of your tim. But remind her that she got two years of you to herself, and little sister will never get that. Go through old pictures from that time with her. Maybe make a photo book of them so she can look through them herself anytime and feel loved.

[Anonymous]

Give them their own baths. Shared baths are kind of gross.

[Anonymous]

"That's not true, sometimes you get X first, and sometimes she gets X first." Then don't respond any further to the argument. It's totally normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Read Siblings Without Rivalry. This isn't about misperceptions, it's about sibling rivalry.

[Anonymous]

My older almost 4 year old always always wants go first and will LOSE it if she doesn't. Poor 2 yo, we usually give in because he doesn't cry as loud as the 4yo. Probably not the best parenting move. eh.