managing 2 FT careers with kids

[Anonymous]

DC charter poster here. Had no idea about these aftercares in the burbs that stay open during snow days. I had wondered how people's careers survive snow day closures there (seriously). Are these places all off-site or are they providing services at the school? Because if they're at the school, how can they justify closing school but keeping open childcare/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC charter poster here. Had no idea about these aftercares in the burbs that stay open during snow days. I had wondered how people's careers survive snow day closures there (seriously). Are these places all off-site or are they providing services at the school? Because if they're at the school, how can they justify closing school but keeping open childcare/

I'm in MoCo and ours is at the school and yes, it is open on snow days unless admin offices are closed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm like you. No outsourcing childcare except group care. It's my line and I refuse to cross it.

That means that DH's job - 10+ hour days, non-negotiable meetings right and left, travel all the time - is the default wage job and my job is the default take-time-off job. This morning, I was home with DC who was sick. I dropped her off and ran to work at 1300 and will be here until late because I guilted DH into picking up both kids. But that is rare for him.

My career is taking a huge hit because I am the default parent. I know what you are saying and basically - unless you're willing to outsource, it's going to be super hard to lean in. You, DH, and kids cannot have it all ways. That is what I am learning right now...it has taken me 2 years to teach myself this.

We are relocating to DC from another intense city and I don't even know, honestly, if I will look for a job for the 2 years we are there. That's how fed up I am with managing it all. I'd rather just be a good parent and not suck badly at both parenting and work.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It sucks. Seriously. But we manage.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, reconsider your nanny position. I recently took an Executive Director job after staying home for several years. My husband has an inflexible/on-call job (military) and our nanny has been a lifesaver. She tackles the kids laundry, dinner prep and the morning routine when I have an early morning meetings. It's been wonderful not having to worry about sick or snow days.

I really enjoy being back to work and the flexibility of finally being in charge. It's been amazing to create my own corporate environment and facilitate the ideal work-life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm like you. No outsourcing childcare except group care. It's my line and I refuse to cross it.

That means that DH's job - 10+ hour days, non-negotiable meetings right and left, travel all the time - is the default wage job and my job is the default take-time-off job. This morning, I was home with DC who was sick. I dropped her off and ran to work at 1300 and will be here until late because I guilted DH into picking up both kids. But that is rare for him.

My career is taking a huge hit because I am the default parent. I know what you are saying and basically - unless you're willing to outsource, it's going to be super hard to lean in. You, DH, and kids cannot have it all ways. That is what I am learning right now...it has taken me 2 years to teach myself this.

We are relocating to DC from another intense city and I don't even know, honestly, if I will look for a job for the 2 years we are there. That's how fed up I am with managing it all. I'd rather just be a good parent and not suck badly at both parenting and work.

Good luck.

OP here. Thanks. Yes, I'm really frustrated with my current job, and looking elsewhere, I don't think I can find anything at my level that is less than FT. Which would be okay. But I don't want to be viewed as the lame new person who has to take a day off every week (which has been nearly the case for the first quarter this year - FCPS here.

I'm seriously tempted to throw in the towel altogether (which DH would support), but I just know that would be the wrong decision for the long run. And, I thought things would get easier as the kids got into school, but now I see that isn't true either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. Seriously. But we manage.

I'm sure it sucks. But I don't want to just manage or muddle through. I want it to be good.

[Anonymous]

As an FYI, lots of martial arts centers in FCPS have snow day camps - no enrollment required. It's actually been easier for me now that my kids are in elementary and snow camps exist! Most snow day camps do not take kids under age 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm like you. No outsourcing childcare except group care. It's my line and I refuse to cross it.

That means that DH's job - 10+ hour days, non-negotiable meetings right and left, travel all the time - is the default wage job and my job is the default take-time-off job. This morning, I was home with DC who was sick. I dropped her off and ran to work at 1300 and will be here until late because I guilted DH into picking up both kids. But that is rare for him.

My career is taking a huge hit because I am the default parent. I know what you are saying and basically - unless you're willing to outsource, it's going to be super hard to lean in. You, DH, and kids cannot have it all ways. That is what I am learning right now...it has taken me 2 years to teach myself this.

We are relocating to DC from another intense city and I don't even know, honestly, if I will look for a job for the 2 years we are there. That's how fed up I am with managing it all. I'd rather just be a good parent and not suck badly at both parenting and work.

Good luck.

OP here. Thanks. Yes, I'm really frustrated with my current job, and looking elsewhere, I don't think I can find anything at my level that is less than FT. Which would be okay. But I don't want to be viewed as the lame new person who has to take a day off every week (which has been nearly the case for the first quarter this year - FCPS here.

I'm seriously tempted to throw in the towel altogether (which DH would support), but I just know that would be the wrong decision for the long run. And, I thought things would get easier as the kids got into school, but now I see that isn't true either.

Why are you so anti-nanny? They would be in school most of the day.

[Anonymous]

I can understand not wanting a nanny for an infant, but it sounds like your kids are older. We used a great daycare at work that was incredible for five years, but when my oldest started K, we didn't want to manage separate schedules/drop off/pick off etc. so got a nanny. Our youngest was 2. We found the nanny from my neighborhood list-serv and she had worked for friends/neighbors of ours for years and their youngest was starting school so they were transitioning out of having a nanny. My 2 year old and 5 year old tell us everything, plus she doesn't sit at home with them. She is at play dates around the neighborhood with them, at the park, the library for story hour, etc., and so we feel like a lot of the neighborhood moms and other nannies etc. know her well.

Anyway, that's our story and our nanny is part of our family now - we just love her and I think you have to give yourself and your kids credit for having some kind of instinct. There is oversight with a nanny in some ways, for older kids. If you had a bad experience I understand, but honestly, a bad experience can happen at a group childcare situation too, including camps etc. for older kids. Do what you think is best but from reading your post, it sounds like this issue is going to continue coming up.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old is pretty good about reporting and self advocating (I know, because he complained about the new after school situation), so depending on your children's ages, you may find that your reluctance to hire a nanny doesn't reflect the reality of their situation anymore. Of course, we have an amazing nanny and our lives will be much harder next year, when both kids in school and we have to balance it all. I am actually applying for a job that would be an increase in pay but also responsibility and travel, so we are discussing an au pair or a flexible housekeeper/babysitter--someone for after school, but also to help spouse when one of us travels, to cover snow days, sick days, etc. We thought we could finally start saving $ for college when we cut child care costs, but that was naïve!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand not wanting a nanny for an infant, but it sounds like your kids are older. We used a great daycare at work that was incredible for five years, but when my oldest started K, we didn't want to manage separate schedules/drop off/pick off etc. so got a nanny. Our youngest was 2. We found the nanny from my neighborhood list-serv and she had worked for friends/neighbors of ours for years and their youngest was starting school so they were transitioning out of having a nanny. My 2 year old and 5 year old tell us everything, plus she doesn't sit at home with them. She is at play dates around the neighborhood with them, at the park, the library for story hour, etc., and so we feel like a lot of the neighborhood moms and other nannies etc. know her well.

Anyway, that's our story and our nanny is part of our family now - we just love her and I think you have to give yourself and your kids credit for having some kind of instinct. There is oversight with a nanny in some ways, for older kids. If you had a bad experience I understand, but honestly, a bad experience can happen at a group childcare situation too, including camps etc. for older kids. Do what you think is best but from reading your post, it sounds like this issue is going to continue coming up.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

OP here - really appreciate your comments. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP I have to pipe in and say I support your no nanny stance. I feel the same way. We did not personally have a bad experience like you did but two of my close family members did and I am not comfortable with it. Fine for others if they decide to go that route but there is no way in hell I would get one. It baffles me that so many people around here are constantly pushing it as if choosing daycare means you have not evaluated your childcare options thoroughly. Annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm similar to you: very averse to nannies after a wildly awful situation with someone who had been thoroughly vetted. My husband and I both work FT with reasonably flexible schedules but we do enough public stuff (testimony, teaching, meetings) that one of us can't always take the hit for snow days etc. We have managed, for the most part, by relying on various forms of group care - day care when they were younger and now aftercare. But we keep a contract with White House Nannies temporary service and use them regularly when we need a pinch hitter in a crisis. It's been a godsend.

I'll also add, that we did have one year with an almost FT nanny - it wasn't planned, and she was a recent college grad rather than a professional nanny. But she did restore our faith in that as an option. So I can say that it might be worthwhile to consider testing that as an option again at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm similar to you: very averse to nannies after a wildly awful situation with someone who had been thoroughly vetted. My husband and I both work FT with reasonably flexible schedules but we do enough public stuff (testimony, teaching, meetings) that one of us can't always take the hit for snow days etc. We have managed, for the most part, by relying on various forms of group care - day care when they were younger and now aftercare. But we keep a contract with White House Nannies temporary service and use them regularly when we need a pinch hitter in a crisis. It's been a godsend.

I'll also add, that we did have one year with an almost FT nanny - it wasn't planned, and she was a recent college grad rather than a professional nanny. But she did restore our faith in that as an option. So I can say that it might be worthwhile to consider testing that as an option again at some point.

thanks for your comments. -OP