managing 2 FT careers with kids

[Anonymous]

I've been PT for about 5 years now, but I think it may be time to go back to a FT position, and I've found one that is really ideal - a small nonprofit CEO position. DH works FT in the political sphere, and has a somewhat unpredictable schedule with a high profile organization that requires significant travel, and late nights.

I really want to get back in the game, but I am reluctant because, quite frankly, the childcare responsibilities are going to fall on me. The snow days, the sick days, the dr appts, etc. I guess I could get a nanny, but I never really saw that in our future, and I am struggling with the idea. I can outsource everything else without a second thought, but the childcare is tough. And, to be clear, my kids have been in daycare since #1 was born and I came back from maternity leave. But the only time I can really bank on DH taking care of the kids on an ad hoc basis is August when Congress is out. For the rest of the year, it's on me. I may get lucky that he can fill in, but it really is terribly unpredictable.

Me going to FT isn't about the money. It's really about the fulfillment at this point. This isn't a guilt thing either. I just don't know how I would manage my own travel, late nights, etc., that would accompany such a position. I don't really want a nanny or au pair.

Does anyone else have a spouse working in politics and deal with this kind of unpredictability, but hold down a FT job?

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, I work in the non-profit sector, and my ex works at a political (read: batshit schedule) non-profit as well. Since we have been co-parenting but essentially both single parents for a decade, here's what I can tell you.

It's going to be hard. But, fortunately, we both work for relatively sane organizations with flexibility. So when things inevitably go awry, we have some wiggle room. Group care until kindergarten worked out well for our child.

Also, if you are the CEO, you have a pretty decent hand in setting office culture. I.e., you can make sure people plan well and don't pull the old "let's have an urgent meeting at 5:00 because I didn't think of it 'til now" bs.

[Anonymous]

I think being the CEO of a nonprofit is hard work -- really a lot if you've been used to being part time and you have a spouse with an unpredictable schedule.

Hopefully you can model work life balance and all that - but really as CEO I think it would be truly tough.

[Anonymous]

Would you have to do a lot of meetings with external organizations, speak at events, etc., or any other types of things you absolutely have to be there in person and can't reschedule? That would be the determining factor for me. You can call your employees while your kids watch a movie if they're home sick and email etc. while they're occupied or asleep, but the face-to-face required stuff isn't flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you have to do a lot of meetings with external organizations, speak at events, etc., or any other types of things you absolutely have to be there in person and can't reschedule? That would be the determining factor for me. You can call your employees while your kids watch a movie if they're home sick and email etc. while they're occupied or asleep, but the face-to-face required stuff isn't flexible.

PP here--we're two full-time working parents, but I almost never have days where I have something mandatory that I can't reschedule that requires my physical presence. It's probably fewer than 5 days a year, and DW has this kind of stuff about 25% of the time. So it works out pretty well in our situation, which sounds very different from what you're considering.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DH often has things going on that can't be rescheduled to suit his needs - congressional hearings, fundraisers, people flying in, etc.

For a job like the one I'm looking at, there do appear to some external-facing events/meetings/etc, but we aren't talking about a high-profile sector of the economy like healthcare, finance, gun lobby, etc, where there is as great a sense of urgency. It doesn't look like a lot of travel, but I wouldn't know until I got to know the org better.

I think I'm qualified for the job, but I realize it is a longshot. I'm just wondering if I should even bother if I'm not sure I can manage the requirements with a spouse who has a fairly inflexible schedule. I've been reading Lean In and maybe I'm just feeling overly optimistic at this point... (and I wanted to hate Lean In.)

[Anonymous]

Have you though of getting an AuPair just to make it easier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you though of getting an AuPair just to make it easier?

Yes, but we really don't have the space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you though of getting an AuPair just to make it easier?

Yes, but we really don't have the space.

I would not do it unless I had a nanny. I'm incredibly busy with the kids working very part-time. I can't even imagine.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? That makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. You are comfortable with daycare but not a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You are comfortable with daycare but not a nanny?

There are checks and balances in place in a daycare facility. We had a very bad experience with a single in-home provider early on - not really interested in that route any longer for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? That makes a big difference.

Preschool and elementary age.

[Anonymous]

But one bad experience with a nanny doesn't mean you should rule out all nannies. There are good ones and bad ones, just like there are good day cares and bad ones.

My husband and I both work FT and I'm the one traveling, and we have a great nanny. Although we used a day care for my older child, with the unpredictability and customized schedule that changes often, it's better for our sanity (and our kids' sanity) to have a nanny who can stay past six and come really early if need be. I don't know how we'd manage drop offs and pick ups if we were both out. With a nanny, I don't have that worry, which is a huge relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But one bad experience with a nanny doesn't mean you should rule out all nannies. There are good ones and bad ones, just like there are good day cares and bad ones.

My husband and I both work FT and I'm the one traveling, and we have a great nanny. Although we used a day care for my older child, with the unpredictability and customized schedule that changes often, it's better for our sanity (and our kids' sanity) to have a nanny who can stay past six and come really early if need be. I don't know how we'd manage drop offs and pick ups if we were both out. With a nanny, I don't have that worry, which is a huge relief.

Fair enough. I had just throughly vetted that provider, and ended up in a horrible situation where our child was physically harmed due to negligence. I know they aren't all like that, but it was so horrible that I am disinclined to ever go that route again.