School Bullying -- Go Directly to School or Courtesy Heads Up to Parents First?

[Anonymous]

It happened at school - it gets reported to the school.
The school needs to know that this boy doesn't understand boundaries and twerking on a girl needs to be documented in his file in case this behavior continues. THe parents of the boy needs to know what he did and both the parents and school need to teach him that that is inappropriate.
If the behavior is swept under the rug and he continues to do it again and again without girls reporting it, how will this kid learn boundaries. I'm sure rape could be in his future if he's not sterny called on twerking at school without consent and disciplined.

[Anonymous]

And the parents need to know the school knows. The school needs to be the ones to inform them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did both, but we're pleasantly surprised how effective it was contacting parents first. My initial thought was that the parents probably would not be receptive or facilitate change.

I was wrong.

me too! I have had to do it twice and both times ended well. All the kids get along and I have become friendly with the parents. It is REALLY uncomfortable but I am glad I did it. Everyone is trying to do the best they can so just approach it from that angle-no judgment.

[Anonymous]

People - remember we are talking about thirteen year olds. Both of the people involved are CHILDREN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would NOT go to the parents first unless you make it clear that you are simultaneously letting the school know.

Otherwise, what will you do if they ask that they deal with the situation themselves and that you not involve the school?? You would have been better off just going to the school directly.

NEVER GO TO THE PARENTS FIRST! Parents can be completely batshit crazy and most will be defensive.

Stay out of it with other parents.

Batshit crazy is an ugly low class term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People - remember we are talking about thirteen year olds. Both of the people involved are CHILDREN!

A five-year old rubbing his butt on people is a child who needs his parents to discipline him. A 13-year old who hasn't figured out how to keep his butt to himself doesn't seem to be getting what he needs from his parents, and requires outside counsel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People - remember we are talking about thirteen year olds. Both of the people involved are CHILDREN!

What's your point? The "CHILD" offender is not getting a police record that will tarnish his entire future, just a warning. If he takes this warning to heart, his future will be better.

Also, we should protect CHILDREN from bullying and harassment that include physical contact.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you should go to the school. Anything of this nature that happens on school grounds should be reported to the school.

My DS witnessed an egregious act of bullying during an extracurricular event- when he told me, we consulted a trusted friend (also a school counselor). She said that it should be reported to the principal who would speak to both sets of parents. That's what we did, and it was handled.

[Anonymous]

Police and principal. Do NOT contact the parents. He sexually assaulted your daughter by rubbing himself on her. I don't care if it was his backside. He even used a sexual term when he was doing it. Disgusting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did both, but we're pleasantly surprised how effective it was contacting parents first. My initial thought was that the parents probably would not be receptive or facilitate change.

I was wrong.

me too! I have had to do it twice and both times ended well. All the kids get along and I have become friendly with the parents. It is REALLY uncomfortable but I am glad I did it. Everyone is trying to do the best they can so just approach it from that angle-no judgment.

Did you even READ the OP's post??? This is not civilized at all. What he did calls for a tougher response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given that your daughter said she wanted the school to know, I would not consider any option that doesn't include that. She told you what she needs from you, you told her you had her back, and now you need to follow through on that. And if she's at a point where she wants the school to know its because she feels afraid. Having his parents in on the secret does absolutely nothing to help her fear. Having the school aware means she has someone to go to when the harassment is happening.
I would tell the school first, and then decide if you want to communicate directly with the parents.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Police and principal. Do NOT contact the parents. He sexually assaulted your daughter by rubbing himself on her. I don't care if it was his backside. He even used a sexual term when he was doing it. Disgusting!

The police -- really? Twerking is not a sexual term -- it's the term used for a very sexualized dance move -- basically a stripper move.
Call the school AND call the parents would be my move. I also would have counseled my DD to slap the crap out of that boy the next time he attempted to do that to her. Have to teach folks how to treat you -- let them know that you are not an easy mark. Sometimes things do not take a yearlong intervention and the involvement of every social agency and psyhotropic drug known to modern medicine. Sometimes it just takes an old school kick in the arse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People - remember we are talking about thirteen year olds. Both of the people involved are CHILDREN!

A five-year old rubbing his butt on people is a child who needs his parents to discipline him. A 13-year old who hasn't figured out how to keep his butt to himself doesn't seem to be getting what he needs from his parents, and requires outside counsel.

Yes!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would NOT go to the parents first unless you make it clear that you are simultaneously letting the school know.

Otherwise, what will you do if they ask that they deal with the situation themselves and that you not involve the school?? You would have been better off just going to the school directly.

NEVER GO TO THE PARENTS FIRST! Parents can be completely batshit crazy and most will be defensive.

Stay out of it with other parents.

Batshit crazy is an ugly low class term.

Spoken by a BSCP. Case in point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Police and principal. Do NOT contact the parents. He sexually assaulted your daughter by rubbing himself on her. I don't care if it was his backside. He even used a sexual term when he was doing it. Disgusting!

The police -- really? Twerking is not a sexual term -- it's the term used for a very sexualized dance move -- basically a stripper move.
Call the school AND call the parents would be my move. I also would have counseled my DD to slap the crap out of that boy the next time he attempted to do that to her. Have to teach folks how to treat you -- let them know that you are not an easy mark. Sometimes things do not take a yearlong intervention and the involvement of every social agency and psyhotropic drug known to modern medicine. Sometimes it just takes an old school kick in the arse!

It is body contact. It is rubbing. It is sexual. It was done against her will, so it is sexual assault. So is kissing ok, since its only kissing? No, if he had kissed her against her will, it would be sexual assault. He rubbed his private area (yes, his butt) on her to intimidate her. To hold power over her. And now, you are encouraging the OP to teach her child to respond violently so that the police will be called on her and she'll have the police record?? Naw, this needs to be dealt with in a way that will stop this future rapist in his tracks!