How Much Freedom Do You Have To Decorate Your House?

[Anonymous]

My DH has opinions but also has good taste. So most decisions are joint decisions and I think are better for it. We also have a decorator (for big stuff, not trash cans) so that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. He has an opinion on everything, but don't you, too? It seems like you think this is a woman's or your territory and want MORE say. While I can identify with that, I don't think it's fair.

No, it isn't that. He had an opinion about everything, and if he didn't like something I liked (which was most of the time), I had to keep trying to find something else. Guest sheets, trash cans, silverware, bowls - which is so much more than I would have thought. I get it for big things (even though if I really liked something it was hard to let it go), but having to clear every single thing and rarely having my choices make the cut was frustrating. Paint colors, art, lamps, rugs, curtains, bath mats, bath towels, throw pillows, Christmas decorations, etc. On and on and on. Like a PP, I rarely chimed in on electronics or any room he claimed as all his.

Honestly OP, it sounds like this is your issue more than it is his - many of the things you mentioned ARE big things, and all of the things you mentioned are things he's going to have to live with and see on a regular basis, too, why shouldn't he have an opinion? If you WNAT a say on electronics or "his room", then you need to chime in. It's modern times, what were traditionally a man or woman's "territory" are no more…

[Anonymous]

I find this whole thread rather shocking. I can't imagine living under such strict control over household decorating. The only reasoning I can think of to explain it is it must have to do with the money and who controls it.

I can understand talking over purchases of furniture, appliances, electronics but not the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need more information. How involved is your husband in the decorating and purchasing? If he expects you to go out and take care of things, but then sits back and shoots down every item you bring in, that's a huge problem. If the trash is piling up because there's no trash can in the kitchen, and HE is doing nothing about it, then he doesn't get to criticize the choice you make for a trash can if you go get one.

Now if everything is fine--you have a rug on the floor and dishes in the cabinet and a trash can in the kitchen--and you simply go out and purchase new versions of these items on your own, then yes, he gets a say. He does live there and has an opinion. Some spouses could care less, and others want to weigh in.

Which situation is more like what's going on in your house--the first scenario or the second scenario?

More the first. In the trash can example, I bought one with a white finish because we wanted a new one. He thought the finish should be chrome instead, so I had to return the white one and get the chrome one. He doesn't go out to shop for anything. He will veto fabric samples and paint colors I have picked with a decorator or on my own. The one time I got fed up enough to send him to the design center with a decorator after he had rejected five chairs I liked, he picked out a $16,000 chair. Even the decorator told him that was not really a price point we should consider.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple with this problem and the entire house is a man cave. The DH is domineering and self-centered, feels he has superior taste in everything, and needs every item to reflect his personal taste. Not one single curtain or comfortable surface in the whole house. She's miserable and wants to move in hopes that a new house would let her have a new start and a crack at getting a say. I wish her all the luck but I doubt it will work any better in a new place.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly what you're talking about, OP. My ex was like that too. I slept on a waterbed for five years at his insistence. Getting to redecorate with my choices after he moved out was one of my greatest pleasures. It was like I finally found myself again.

My DH (now) also cares about how our home is decorated, but we work to find things we both like. There is a huge difference between what I experienced with my ex and what my DH is like now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much of a free hand do you have to decorate your house the way you want? My H had an opinion on everything, and I never felt really free to do what I wanted with furniture, rugs, even trash cans. Yes, he had an opinion on trash cans.

H and I are now separated, and it feels *great* finally to be able to move things around the way I want to. I wondered if other people are allowed to decorate their homes however they want (within reason), or whether you have to clear everything with a spouse? The reason I am asking is because we are talking about reconciling, and I am trying to decide if I care about keeping this freedom. It's one small point in a very complicated mix of bigger issues, so please don't think this is the deciding factor. I was just curious what goes on in other people's houses!

This word in a marriage would be a deal-breaker for me. Children are and aren't ALLOWED to do things, grown adults in a marital relationship don't use this word. Ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need more information. How involved is your husband in the decorating and purchasing? If he expects you to go out and take care of things, but then sits back and shoots down every item you bring in, that's a huge problem. If the trash is piling up because there's no trash can in the kitchen, and HE is doing nothing about it, then he doesn't get to criticize the choice you make for a trash can if you go get one.

Now if everything is fine--you have a rug on the floor and dishes in the cabinet and a trash can in the kitchen--and you simply go out and purchase new versions of these items on your own, then yes, he gets a say. He does live there and has an opinion. Some spouses could care less, and others want to weigh in.

Which situation is more like what's going on in your house--the first scenario or the second scenario?

More the first. In the trash can example, I bought one with a white finish because we wanted a new one. He thought the finish should be chrome instead, so I had to return the white one and get the chrome one. He doesn't go out to shop for anything. He will veto fabric samples and paint colors I have picked with a decorator or on my own. The one time I got fed up enough to send him to the design center with a decorator after he had rejected five chairs I liked, he picked out a $16,000 chair. Even the decorator told him that was not really a price point we should consider.

So I'm the pain in the ass spouse that would care if a trash bin was white or chrome but I would never, ever expect my poor husband to read my mind or deal with my perfectionism. Obviously you guys have money to be talking decorators but what is messed up is he must be racking up the bill by not trusting their taste or yours. I'm sort of curious what this chair even looks like!

[Anonymous]

NOBODY buys a $16,000 chair.

Tomorrow I will be ordering a beautiful quilt, with shams, curtains, a lamp and a nightstand. The sheets, pillows and blankets are bought, the new mattress comes this week. I picked everything out all by my little self.

My husband will see it all put together when I'm done decorating. Since he paid for everything he did actually see what I bought/ordered/will order but had no desire to help me do my thing.

I can't imagine fighting over a rug, garbage can, drapes ... You ladies must be spending too much money. Your husbands probably have to reign in your out of control spending. Either that or he has those gay decorating tendencies. Normal men really don't care about that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this whole thread rather shocking. I can't imagine living under such strict control over household decorating. The only reasoning I can think of to explain it is it must have to do with the money and who controls it.

I can understand talking over purchases of furniture, appliances, electronics but not the rest.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOBODY buys a $16,000 chair.

Tomorrow I will be ordering a beautiful quilt, with shams, curtains, a lamp and a nightstand. The sheets, pillows and blankets are bought, the new mattress comes this week. I picked everything out all by my little self.

My husband will see it all put together when I'm done decorating. Since he paid for everything he did actually see what I bought/ordered/will order but had no desire to help me do my thing.

I can't imagine fighting over a rug, garbage can, drapes ... You ladies must be spending too much money. Your husbands probably have to reign in your out of control spending. Either that or he has those gay decorating tendencies. Normal men really don't care about that stuff.

OP here. This lady outearns her H and always has, and I am not the one who wanted the $16,000 chair. He also made me return sheets I found at Bed, Bath and Beyond on sale for the guest room. They were on sale, so I got two sets plus comforter, shams, etc. for about $225. The sheets he insisted we buy instead started at $74 for a single pillow case.

I'll leave the gay decorator tendency comment alone because I can't respond properly. I would simply note that, of the two stereotypes evident in your post, it is the bigger one.

[Anonymous]

My DH could not possibly care any less. He likes that our house is clean, warm, and inviting. He does not care about fabric swatches, paint colors, or furniture style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know exactly what you're talking about, OP. My ex was like that too. I slept on a waterbed for five years at his insistence. Getting to redecorate with my choices after he moved out was one of my greatest pleasures. It was like I finally found myself again.

My DH (now) also cares about how our home is decorated, but we work to find things we both like. There is a huge difference between what I experienced with my ex and what my DH is like now.

My DH makes me crazy over stuff like this, so please don't take this the wrong way, but the comment about the waterbed made me LOL. I'm so sorry you got stuck with that! Was it "better for his back"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NOBODY buys a $16,000 chair.

Tomorrow I will be ordering a beautiful quilt, with shams, curtains, a lamp and a nightstand. The sheets, pillows and blankets are bought, the new mattress comes this week. I picked everything out all by my little self.

My husband will see it all put together when I'm done decorating. Since he paid for everything he did actually see what I bought/ordered/will order but had no desire to help me do my thing.

I can't imagine fighting over a rug, garbage can, drapes ... You ladies must be spending too much money. Your husbands probably have to reign in your out of control spending. Either that or he has those gay decorating tendencies. Normal men really don't care about that stuff.

OP here. This lady outearns her H and always has, and I am not the one who wanted the $16,000 chair. He also made me return sheets I found at Bed, Bath and Beyond on sale for the guest room. They were on sale, so I got two sets plus comforter, shams, etc. for about $225. The sheets he insisted we buy instead started at $74 for a single pillow case.

I'll leave the gay decorator tendency comment alone because I can't respond properly. I would simply note that, of the two stereotypes evident in your post, it is the bigger one.

What, did DH hold you up at gun point and force you to return sheets? I don't understand your mindset. Why do you allow DH to control you like this? Why do you seem to want to return to him? Is this the dynamic that you want your children to believe is healthy--that the man dominates and the woman kowtows to him every whim?

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't care what I do as long as I don't involve him and don't spend too much. Also, no frilly floral stuff in the bedroom, but that's not my style, so I'm fine with that.