How Much Freedom Do You Have To Decorate Your House?

[Anonymous]

How much of a free hand do you have to decorate your house the way you want? My H had an opinion on everything, and I never felt really free to do what I wanted with furniture, rugs, even trash cans. Yes, he had an opinion on trash cans.

H and I are now separated, and it feels *great* finally to be able to move things around the way I want to. I wondered if other people are allowed to decorate their homes however they want (within reason), or whether you have to clear everything with a spouse? The reason I am asking is because we are talking about reconciling, and I am trying to decide if I care about keeping this freedom. It's one small point in a very complicated mix of bigger issues, so please don't think this is the deciding factor. I was just curious what goes on in other people's houses!

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. He has an opinion on everything, but don't you, too? It seems like you think this is a woman's or your territory and want MORE say. While I can identify with that, I don't think it's fair.

[Anonymous]

My husband has lots of opinions about what we put in our house. He has good taste and often we agree. Sometimes we don't and someone has to compromise.

[Anonymous]

Getting a white sofa past DH was a big fat hairy deal. I was surprised he cared, but I guess I shouldn't have been since he had way more opinions about our wedding than I anticipated too. I think it'll continue to be an issue to some extent. Sigh. I think women should get to dictate the decorating since I don't weigh on our electronics purchases!

[Anonymous]

No, I don't have a totally free hand to decorate, because DH lives here too. If he hates something, I won't do it. Both of our opinions matter.

If you want a free hand to do whatever you want, yes, you have to live alone. It's worth it to me to look for a bit longer until we find a trash can that we BOTH like. That's what marriage is.

[Anonymous]

My husband also has lots of opinions on how the house should be decorated, which wouldn't bother me so much except he has zero eye for interior design.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't have a totally free hand to decorate, because DH lives here too. If he hates something, I won't do it. Both of our opinions matter.

If you want a free hand to do whatever you want, yes, you have to live alone. It's worth it to me to look for a bit longer until we find a trash can that we BOTH like. That's what marriage is.

Thanks for the lecture, Wife of the Year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. He has an opinion on everything, but don't you, too? It seems like you think this is a woman's or your territory and want MORE say. While I can identify with that, I don't think it's fair.

No, it isn't that. He had an opinion about everything, and if he didn't like something I liked (which was most of the time), I had to keep trying to find something else. Guest sheets, trash cans, silverware, bowls - which is so much more than I would have thought. I get it for big things (even though if I really liked something it was hard to let it go), but having to clear every single thing and rarely having my choices make the cut was frustrating. Paint colors, art, lamps, rugs, curtains, bath mats, bath towels, throw pillows, Christmas decorations, etc. On and on and on. Like a PP, I rarely chimed in on electronics or any room he claimed as all his.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of my favorite scene in When Harry Met Sally, where Billy Crystal's friend carries his beloved wagon wheel coffee table to the curb as he moves into a shared apartment with fiancée Carrie Fisher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. He has an opinion on everything, but don't you, too? It seems like you think this is a woman's or your territory and want MORE say. While I can identify with that, I don't think it's fair.

No, it isn't that. He had an opinion about everything, and if he didn't like something I liked (which was most of the time), I had to keep trying to find something else. Guest sheets, trash cans, silverware, bowls - which is so much more than I would have thought. I get it for big things (even though if I really liked something it was hard to let it go), but having to clear every single thing and rarely having my choices make the cut was frustrating. Paint colors, art, lamps, rugs, curtains, bath mats, bath towels, throw pillows, Christmas decorations, etc. On and on and on. Like a PP, I rarely chimed in on electronics or any room he claimed as all his.

Would you rather he hated the rug and didn't tell you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. He has an opinion on everything, but don't you, too? It seems like you think this is a woman's or your territory and want MORE say. While I can identify with that, I don't think it's fair.

No, it isn't that. He had an opinion about everything, and if he didn't like something I liked (which was most of the time), I had to keep trying to find something else. Guest sheets, trash cans, silverware, bowls - which is so much more than I would have thought. I get it for big things (even though if I really liked something it was hard to let it go), but having to clear every single thing and rarely having my choices make the cut was frustrating. Paint colors, art, lamps, rugs, curtains, bath mats, bath towels, throw pillows, Christmas decorations, etc. On and on and on. Like a PP, I rarely chimed in on electronics or any room he claimed as all his.

Would you rather he hated the rug and didn't tell you?

I think you're perhaps being unfair, depending on how far this goes. It's one thing to nix things you hate, but if he's a bit on the controlling side and is nixing everything that's not 100% to his taste, that's not a compromise either, and it's unfair to OP if she doesn't feel like any part of her house reflects her.

[Anonymous]

I'd love to be able to decorate as I like. DH has an opinion about everything, and it often differs from mine.

[Anonymous]

Widow. Get to do EVERYTHING my way!

[Anonymous]

I'm very passionate about decorating. I thing you're not a good negotiator. I work Dh up for months. Asking his opinion on couches and playing Devils advocate. He gets so worn down he's happy with the amazing couch I choose.

I think women get 90% decorating say and the other 10% is to mke side men don't end up with floral or pink couches.

[Anonymous]

I'll loan you my husband. He doesn't care AT ALL. It's kind of nice, but I'm indecisive too, so it can be a problem. Want to come over and decorate my house right down to the garbage cans? I'll be forever in your debt.