MIL: "You need to exercise"

[Anonymous]

The point isn't whether or not she is exercising. The point is that MIL is out of line.

[Anonymous]

Simple:

MIL should not have said it.

OP should exercise and not make excuses for why she cannot do so. She needs to do it for health reasons and possibly to enhance her appearance.

[Anonymous]

Well are you exercising, OP?
Maybe she just brought up exercising because it usually makes people happy and balanced. Nothing to do with appearances, but good stress reliever and thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Is there a greater context we are missing? FOR example, if you were complaining about needing to get out of the house or feeling down and she said, "You need to exercise" then that is totally acceptable because exercise releases endorphins and relieves stress.

In any other other context, it's over the line, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love these Monster In Law stories. It brings out the hate QUICK. I hope you all have sons.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last couple times I've seen MIL post baby, she has told me I should be exercising. My thoughts on when it could possibly be okay to comment on a DIL's post baby body:

1. If she was some super slim yoga health nut, I could maybe let it go.
EXCEPT, She definitely is not.

2. If this was a genuine health concern, maybe...
EXCEPT, I actually lost all the baby weight and I'm slim to begin with.

3. If this was just how she is and does this to everyone, meh...
EXCEPT, DH hasn't lost the 10 lbs he gained during MY pregnancy. Not a word about his weight.

Yup, I'm pissed!

You would die in my family. Last year my mom was over at my house, she looked at me up and down, pinched my belly and said "What on earth have you been eating?" LOL. The thing is that she was right. I has taken 5 months off my exercise routine because I was feeling lazy. I got right on it and lost the extra pounds in a few months. I rather have honesty than hypocrisy.

[Anonymous]

Why do you assume a comment about exercise is about your appearance and not your health?

[Anonymous]

OP - Are you ever coming back to your post? We've asked questions, context, exercise, etc.

I guess you're out exercising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"That is a great idea, dear MIL. So please come by M-W-F by 6:30 AM to watch baby while I go to the gym. I expect to be back around 10 those days. Thanks!"

This!!

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to me. And then even after I lost ALL the weight 9 months PP, she couldn't let go of her pet topic. I quote: "You were HUGE - even after the baby, your stomach was out to HERE!" [hugely exaggerates Santa Claus belly with both arms out in front of her own quite rotund belly].

I was stunned, as were SIL (horrified expression) and DH (who blanched but said nothing, in a disappointing display of cowardice he defensively called "keeping the peace"). As this was one of many such comments, I have been chilly ever since, and I used to really like her.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure this is a weight related comment? Exercise and weight are not all that strongly linked but I am an AVID exerciser because it chills me out and makes me healthier and happier. Is it possible she is thinking about your health and stress level?

Regardless, she probably needs some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would respond, "And you need to mind your own business."

Or, "Your son doesn't mind f*cking me, so I don't know why you're concerned."

The second one will definitely shut her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would respond, "And you need to mind your own business."

Or, "Your son doesn't mind f*cking me, so I don't know why you're concerned."

The second one will definitely shut her up.

Would either of you actually say these things?? I never would, regardless of how rude she was. The first is too confrontational and the second is just unacceptable. Dh would never forgive me, and my own mom would be horrified at how low-class and crude that is. And yes, I care about that.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on losing the baby weight! Ignore your MIL. I like the "Yep, everyone could always use more exercise" response or just flat-out ignoring like she didn't say it.

FWIW, lots of people in our MILs' generation have eating disorders and body issues (I know lots of people do in other generations, too, but I really notice it in them -- maybe something rooted in the 50s). Mine is rail-thin and gets really hurt and upset when my toddler says Grandma is "too big" to do something. It's sad, so I try to cut her some slack when she tells me about her latest Dr Oz diet craze. I only care about her comments if they seem likely to affect DD's view of food or the body.

[Anonymous]

I've never had occasion to use it, but some of the etiquette/advice columnists suggest responding to inappropriate comments/questions by turning it back on that person:

"I wonder why you would say something like this?"
"Why do you think this is an appropriate comment to make?"

Something like that, that points out how rude she is being without saying so directly yourself. And then deflect. This is a little more forceful than just ignoring it, but also avoids engaging.