Teenage son just told me he is suicidal and depressed......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

I like this - I have contemplated in my life and especially when younger.

[Anonymous]

Why is he waiting until after high school?

[Anonymous]

ER now.

But first figure out which psych ward you want them to put him on--and they will because no ER wants the liability of seeing someone who later kills himself.

You may not get the psych ward you want because of a bed shortage but you will have a higher chance if you take him to an ER at a hospital where that psych ward is located.

He needs the psych ward so he will be in a protected environment until they figure out and arrange a medication and therapy regime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

+2. Like this advice.

Why are so many teens suicidal/depressed/screwed up these days? I don't remember kids being like this when I was growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

+2. Like this advice.

Why are so many teens suicidal/depressed/screwed up these days? I don't remember kids being like this when I was growing up.

I recall plenty of kids depressed/with eating disorders/on drugs and alcohol/committing suicide growing up. I am 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dominion Hospital in Northern Virginia 703.536.2000
Call your pediatrician.
Treat this as if your son has 106 fever.

OP, we took my daughter to Dominion when she was suicidal. It's an excellent program. It was one of the worst days of my life when we took her there but it turned out to be one of the best things we have ever done. She is doing very well today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

+2. Like this advice.

Why are so many teens suicidal/depressed/screwed up these days? I don't remember kids being like this when I was growing up.

Because people hid it.

[Anonymous]

OP, please treat this as an emergency as PPs have said. Get help this very minute.

[Anonymous]

Stay away from drugs. That's a very strong and very personal piece of advise. Psycho-pharmaceutical drugs do more harm than good. If you're on the fence about this I recommend watching "Psychiatry - An industry of death". Therapy is good. Loads of good therapists out there. Lots of places to get help. But stay away from the drugs. And stay away from hospitalization during which you and/or your son do not have control over whether he has to take drugs or not and generally over what will happen to him there.

Ask him under which circumstances he might accept help, ask him what he can think of that he might need right now. I agree to not leave him alone - but do talk to him about it. Respect him deeply right now. Explain to him what you are doing and why. Do not ever go over his head if you can at all avoid it. The "He will hate you for a short while and then everything will be peachy" is a blanket statement that can end very badly.

[Anonymous]

OP, no advice per se. Anyway, it sounds like your a caring parent who knows what to do. I hear that you're communicating with him and getting him help. That is great.
I just want to say that I work in mental health and see teens and young adults like your son often. The good news is that most of them get better with medication and therapy, and especially with a good support system of family. You sound like a good mom. Do your best to instill hope in your son that things will get better, get him into treatment, and keep the lines of communication open. These are the right things to do. Sending you and your son virtual hugs and encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from drugs. That's a very strong and very personal piece of advise. Psycho-pharmaceutical drugs do more harm than good. If you're on the fence about this I recommend watching "Psychiatry - An industry of death". Therapy is good. Loads of good therapists out there. Lots of places to get help. But stay away from the drugs. And stay away from hospitalization during which you and/or your son do not have control over whether he has to take drugs or not and generally over what will happen to him there.

Ask him under which circumstances he might accept help, ask him what he can think of that he might need right now. I agree to not leave him alone - but do talk to him about it. Respect him deeply right now. Explain to him what you are doing and why. Do not ever go over his head if you can at all avoid it. The "He will hate you for a short while and then everything will be peachy" is a blanket statement that can end very badly.

You have no idea what kind of depression this kid has. Maybe he'd benefit from medication, maybe not. You are not his psychiatrist. Save your conspiracy theories for some other thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

This is terrible advice unless it is ALSO accompanied by therapy, and medication, if indicated. "The healing power of the earth" won't stop depression.

an hour of therapy a week isn't going to help, and meds are often making things worse- the antidepressants actually cause more suicide in adolescents and aren't recommended for them.
The things therapy can help with are: controlling the shame spiral that can lead to suicide attempts and developing more options than impulsive actions.
But these things need to be practiced everyday- only a parent can teach these skills- or if he is in therapy everyday which most people don't do.
The earth will stimulate the endorphins which is needed. Being in a positive environment for 2 weeks where he feels better will create an image and memory in his mind of an alternative existence- i.e. his current yucky feeling isn't going to last forever.

therapy does work. meds do work even for teens. more than just a parent can teach kids skills.

PP, a beach vacation sounds lovely for someone who is suffering from depression. however, not everyone can afford one and everyone needs to deal with reality. you can't stay on a vacation forever.

OP, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find some help for you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do anything drastic. He needs to see someone to get put on meds. As someone who has been suicidal all my life if I had told my parents and they called the police I would have lost it and as soon as I could I probably would have killed myself. Hiding knives??? No don't treat him like that. Kid gloves be kind understanding. don't trick or lie to him. Talk with him about how to make it better.

[Anonymous]

One, I work in Psych and his parents have to give consent for any meds he would receive (unless shot in the butt as last-ditch, temporary remedy for dangerous aggression). No one will be giving him medications in-patient without your knowledge and agreement.

Two, I am in my late 40s and tried to kill myself as a teenager. And I remember a classmate who succeeded (we weren't close; his suicide had nothing to do with my attempt). It happened then and it happens much more frequently than is publicly tracked, now.

I agree with those posters who have suggested looking for an ER of a hospital which has an adolescent in-patient psych ward, and taking him there. I talk to kids who have tried to kill themselves (among other issues) and I can't remember one who seemed to still resent the person who warned the parent, guidance counselor, or whomever. Friends, siblings. Treat this as a matter of life or death because it is.

P.S. I have taken an antidepressant for a long time now (with two or three stints of discontinuing them to see if still necessary). I can tell you it is a huge help and I haven't been suicidal since my teenage attempts. I take my meds because I function great on them, not well without.

[Anonymous]

Again, thank you for all of the advice. I work in the ER and know the green scrubs, suicide precautions and I know my son would not do well with that. HOWEVER, if I thought he was going to hurt himself eminently, I would take him without hesitation. I will let a doctor decide about treating with or without medication. I was just hoping to get the parenting side of things here. I all too familiar with the medical side providing the care.