Teenage son just told me he is suicidal and depressed......

[Anonymous]

If it's possible, do not leave him alone. You need to keep an eye on him day and night, I am sorry you are going through this stress. I attempted suicide at that age, he is not bluffing.

[Anonymous]

Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

[Anonymous]

If he won't participate in treatment, you need to act as his legal guardian before he turns 18. He may be angry at you for forcing him into treatment, but it will be better than him being dead.

Good luck, OP. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

This is terrible advice unless it is ALSO accompanied by therapy, and medication, if indicated. "The healing power of the earth" won't stop depression.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not an expert, but is it possible that part of the problem is that he is in an environment where there aren't other gay men in his age group? At 17, maybe he sees all of his friends dating and having romances and flirting, and yet he feels he's shut out from all of that because there aren't other gay teenagers in his social circle or at his school.

Is there perhaps some kind of LGBT teen support group he could join? It might add to his life a social element and outlet that he craves. And it might be the thing that motivates him to pursue treatment for the depression b/c he'll see that there is a social life ahead of him, that he won't always be so isolated.

I could be way off base. It's just a thought. I had a friend in high school who was gay and very depressed. A lot changed when he graduated high school and moved to an area where there were actually other gay men his age who were out of the closet. The depression was still there, but he was more open to treating it because he saw that a dimension of his life that was always missing (the opportunity to date and have relationships) suddenly opened up. It gave him a hope that hadn't really existed before.

Again, I could be way off base. But in addition to continuing to urge him to see someone about the depression, I would try to find some sort of LGBT group for teens.

[Anonymous]

DD, 15, was in this place at the beginning of the school year. We had a stressful couple of weeks where I did not leave her in the house alone or let her close her bedroom door, except for changing. But we communicated openly and she accepted the hovering. Meds were the answer in her case, and it took a couple of months to fine tune which one and the dose. But even starting on meds and getting into counseling were enough to get her to hold on initially. It's been a rollercoaster, but she is stable now. Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the beach for a 2 week vacation with no TV and no cell etc. Only a radio for music and no headphones- take card games, a puzzle, crossword, sudoku etc. Walk on the beach barefoot for at least an hour everyday.
Children need the healing power of the earth to be happy. It will cost as much as a few months in therapy- but more fun and a good life lesson.
Tell him he does not need to be good at anything- this is a horrible high school thing. He needs to find something he likes to do where he can contribute.
Suicide has been proven to be an impulse choice. Keep developing his frontal lobe so impulses aren't his only choice.
Suicide is also a shame reaction. Make sure he realizes this and can defuse the shame himself whenever it crops up.
Remind him that the hormones are the strongest now and will lessen in a year.

This is terrible advice unless it is ALSO accompanied by therapy, and medication, if indicated. "The healing power of the earth" won't stop depression.

an hour of therapy a week isn't going to help, and meds are often making things worse- the antidepressants actually cause more suicide in adolescents and aren't recommended for them.
The things therapy can help with are: controlling the shame spiral that can lead to suicide attempts and developing more options than impulsive actions.
But these things need to be practiced everyday- only a parent can teach these skills- or if he is in therapy everyday which most people don't do.
The earth will stimulate the endorphins which is needed. Being in a positive environment for 2 weeks where he feels better will create an image and memory in his mind of an alternative existence- i.e. his current yucky feeling isn't going to last forever.

[Anonymous]

Get him help before the turns 18. Once he does your options to help will be limited because he'll be considered an adult in charge of his own life.

[Anonymous]

OP, definitely reach out to a crisis hot line or other link. I'd also tell him it doesn't have to be this bad. There are ways to help. Medication, therapy, etc. He needs to know there is hope. This is NOT how his whole life will be. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

10:39 here. I also took DD on a trip away, just to get some sunshine and get away from the day-to-day. I did help get us through the crisis time, but it was a short-term tool in the belt, not a solution.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all the advice/insight. He is hopeful, I explained he hasn't even begun the best part of his life. We are about to go to the gym together! Thank you again!

[Anonymous]

A friend's son went through something similar in H.S. He checked into a temp. psy and worked with a school counselor after that. He was able to work with someone he liked. He is graduating from college this year.

He also came out around that time, I wonder the lack of support and isolation like the PP mentioned could be making him feeling worse vs. better for coming out.

[Anonymous]

DS uncle is gay and he is here often visiting. Also, we are in a very diverse area so he is sincere when he says it is not a factor in how he feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work at a psych hospital and see people like this everyday. If you can take him to a psychiatrist today do it. If you can't then take him to the ER. Please take this seriously. He says in 2 years but since he has actual plans to kill himself you need to take it seriously and it's an emergency!!!

Pump the brakes a bit. I've worked inpatient psych as well and while this kid is clearly asking for help, its not necessarily an "emergency!!!". S/I with a vague plan 2 years out and no imminent threat to self or others- that's not inpatient criteria. Especially with no failed outpatient.

OP- thank him for sharing something so personal and painful. Let him know that you love him, you will never judge him, you want him to always tell you things like this, and ask him to agree to tell you if he ever feels imminently suicidal. In short, have him contract for his own safety. Tell him you think he should see a therapist and ask if he will agree to see someone. Have him be an active participant in his therapy, even now. If he won't agree to see a therapist, talk and LISTEN, find out his reservations, see if you can help him overcome them. Call your insurance company or his primary care and ask for a referral to a therapist. Get him to an appointment as soon as possible.

If he cannot contract for his own safety or he shows signs of imminently harming himself, take him to an ER or call the police.

[Anonymous]

I think its a mistake to figure out what "it" is. There may be contributing factors you can work with but this is a disease and has everything to do with brain chemistry.