Marriage roles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great to have roles and specialization. Not sure why they have to be "gender roles." They can be whatever each person is good at/enjoys/doesn't mind.

Agree. In our family, DH does all the laundry. It is a man's job.

I think I have vacuumed twice. Vacuuming and laundry are definitely a man's job in my house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the man should always be the primary driver too. Can I get an amen, OP?

Whenever I see a woman driving and the man in the passenger seat, I think that marriage has huge issues, and each person independently, as well. The woman has control issues, for one. Whether or not it is old fashioned of me to think so.

You can't possibly be serious. That's hilarious.

[Anonymous]

To a degree we have certain roles in our marriage, but as a PP said, it is born out of preference as much as gender (though you could argue our gender could inform our preferences).

We both cook, he probably cooks more, probably 60-70%. We need to do 2 grocery runs a week, and we like two different stores (WF for some things) so we split that. I tend to do more laundry and putting laundry away. We outsource the deep cleaning but he is much better at frequent decluttering, organizing closets and drawers, kitchen clean up, etc.

He does tend to all things related to the car, and stuff like shoveling snow. The cold bothers him a lot less than it bothers me.

I tend to have a better handle on keeping up with medical appointments, camp registrations, etc., but he would be happy to take that on.

[Anonymous]

All relationships have roles. Marriages need each partner to have roles so things work smoothly.

In my house I (wife) do almost all the cooking, I'm lead on all childcare matters, and anything involving decorating or household/clothing/grocery purchases falls to me. I'm also far more useful as a general handyman type - so I'm the one with the power tools, the inclination to fix, and the working knowledge of the aisles at Home Depot.

My husband is in charge of all things techological - computers, entertainment systems, house wiring solutions, etc... He also is in charge of trash management, recycling, dishes (all of them), vacuuming (he likes it more than me), yard maintenance, and any/all things related to dirty diapers or potty training.

Some of our roles split on gender lines and some split on interest/skill/distaste lines.

The trick is to find a division of labor that plays to each person's strengths and allows some equity of balance. Other than that it doesn't matter who does what.

[Anonymous]

I know a very happy couple who live in strictly defined marriage roles- he works, he manages the money, she does the chores and manages the household and buys things. It's pretty easy because it's simple. It works for them, but would be a nightmare for me. He gets to do the interesting stuff, like work and manage money, and she gets what I consider drudgery- housework. I like to share the housework, work outside the home, manage money, and do some domestic things that I actually like, like cooking and baking and gardening. To each his own!

[Anonymous]

We call it spheres of influence. So not absolute division of activities, but yes, dog walking late night definitely falls under DH's sphere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of coure that's fine. The only people who would feel otherwise are the angry man-hating feminists whom nobody likes anyway, and all they do is publish their hate on Slate XX.

HA HA ! So very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of coure that's fine. The only people who would feel otherwise are the angry man-hating feminists whom nobody likes anyway, and all they do is publish their hate on Slate XX.

HA HA ! So very true.

Get your ass back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the man should always be the primary driver too. Can I get an amen, OP?

Whenever I see a woman driving and the man in the passenger seat, I think that marriage has huge issues, and each person independently, as well. The woman has control issues, for one. Whether or not it is old fashioned of me to think so.

You think wrong. I do the driving because my husband's driving scares the living shit out of me and my screaming while in the passenger seat makes him nervous and likely to cause what I'm most afraid of. A wreck. Plus he drives a lot for work and enjoys just riding.

There are no control issues in my house. In town he usually drives, highway I drive. If I panic while he's driving, he hands over the wheel and I drive.

Life does not have to be so hard. There should be no power struggles. If something needs doing, do it. Together you make the team, together you conquer all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of coure that's fine. The only people who would feel otherwise are the angry man-hating feminists whom nobody likes anyway, and all they do is publish their hate on Slate XX.

HA HA ! So very true.

Get your ass back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

I make one hell of a sandwich. And can rattle some pots and pans. Need a beer with that sandwich honey ?

[Anonymous]

Yes, there are roles within marriage, but it should be defined and negotiable within each marriage. It should be based on the personal choice and compromise of both the spouses, in such a way that they have a balanced equation within the marriage. SO, each marriage is going to be unique in terms of these roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of coure that's fine. The only people who would feel otherwise are the angry man-hating feminists whom nobody likes anyway, and all they do is publish their hate on Slate XX.

HA HA ! So very true.

Get your ass back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

I make one hell of a sandwich. And can rattle some pots and pans. Need a beer with that sandwich honey ?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the man should always be the primary driver too. Can I get an amen, OP?

Whenever I see a woman driving and the man in the passenger seat, I think that marriage has huge issues, and each person independently, as well. The woman has control issues, for one. Whether or not it is old fashioned of me to think so.

Wow wow wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a very happy couple who live in strictly defined marriage roles- he works, he manages the money, she does the chores and manages the household and buys things. [b]It's pretty easy because it's simple. It works for them,[b] but would be a nightmare for me. He gets to do the interesting stuff, like work and manage money, and she gets what I consider drudgery- housework. I like to share the housework, work outside the home, manage money, and do some domestic things that I actually like, like cooking and baking and gardening. To each his own!

It works for many people, but it doesn't mean the roles are specifically delineated based on stereotypical gender roles. DH and I have many specific tasks we each perform. You can keep it simple and not be sexist.

[Anonymous]

I will not take out the trash unless DH isn't home and it's too smelly to wait on him.

Everything else is pretty much who gets to it first.