Can I really run away for a while?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

So many problems with this plan. DH will take this as rejection, and basically a year of long distance relationship and no sex -- THAT will go over well when it happens for no reason.

DCs will definitely feel like you didn't like staying home with them and that they trapped you (which you in fact are saying they did).

You complain your DH doesn't spend time with you, but if he retired and moved with you, he then would spend ample time with you? Did you really just marry him for his income potentional?


The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth he's earned?

You're selfish and horrible.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like you read A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson.

http://www.amazon.com/A-Year-Sea-Joan-Anderson/dp/0767905938

She took what she called a "marriage sabbatical" and did exactly what you describe, left her husband and lived on Cape Cod for a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth he's earned?

You're selfish and horrible.

That he never would have earned without having someone else take 100% of the kid and house responsibility? You're an idiot. She deserves half and would get it in a divorce.

OP, you need to figure out if you're interested in saving your marriage. If you are, running away is probably not the place to start.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow OP i really feel for you. And i can relate. It sounds like you are emotionally drained and lost. A year away does sound like you are intending to end your marriage - are you? If you are not sure, probably a shorter trip to recharge would be better. A month seems reasonable. Maybe regular short trips and sometimes with husband so you can reconnect. you absolutely should take the opportunity to "find yourself" - but not at the expense of your marriage if at all possible. Unless you are done with the marriage of course. without kids in the house the marriage might be different and better - i am looking forward to finding that out myself in a few years . Similar situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth he's earned?

You're selfish and horrible.

That he never would have earned without having someone else take 100% of the kid and house responsibility? You're an idiot. She deserves half and would get it in a divorce.

OP, you need to figure out if you're interested in saving your marriage. If you are, running away is probably not the place to start.

Did you know the rate for marriages ending is 100%? Either divorce, or death. Every single one.

[Anonymous]

People calling OP selfish or horrible or on the road to divorce are way off base. All we can tell by her post is that she's on the highway to burnout for sure.

OP, I first learned of "marriage sabbaticals" from a blog I read back in the day: http://megnut.com/2001/04/read-my-moms-site/

The blogger's mom takes a sabbatical every several years to explore and reconnect with herself. Exploring this concept as a sabbatical I suspect will allow you and your spouse to view this not as a sign of impending doom, but rather as an opportunity to invest in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds like you read A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson.

http://www.amazon.com/A-Year-Sea-Joan-Anderson/dp/0767905938

She took what she called a "marriage sabbatical" and did exactly what you describe, left her husband and lived on Cape Cod for a year.

According to the description, that lady supported herself while on her marriage sabbatical and her husband retired and joined her on Cape Cod. OP doesn't want to do either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be hard for me to talk to you for a long time if you even mentioned this to me, let alone followed through with it.

This would be an incredibly immature and extreme reaction.

Um- running away for a year-long vacation on Cape Cod while her husband still works is incredibly immature and extreme. DH should divorce her ass so she can be ALL ALONE but without his paycheck to pay for her little fantasy.

+1. It's weird and selfish. My DH and I have been together for 27 yrs. I've been a SAHM since our kids were born and DH retired last year. Why in the world would a spouse want to "run away" and live separately for a year unless they want a divorce? If my DH suggested something like this, it would be the end of our marriage.

If the husband wanted to take a year long sabbatical from the marriage while the wife stayed and worked to support his vacation bet you'll get a lot of divorce the bastard posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth [b]he's earned?[/b]

You're selfish and horrible.

Giving up her career to raise THEIR children - gave her ZERO income. What is a FAIR part of HIS income, after 20+ years of marriage should be hers?

[Anonymous]

when you get to cape cod, and I hope you do, read The Sea

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sea_%28novel%29

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the nearly 25+ years we've been married, we have always lived where DH's jobs have been as he is the bread winner. I was a SAHM for many, many years ( by my choice when they were young and later on his insistence because he didn't what to have to step up to the plate and share kid and house responsibilities if I want back to work) and returned to part-time work recently to fill my days rather than really contribute financially. FOr the last 15 years, we lived in a place I hated because of our DC established roots and the schools were good... and DH's high paying job.

Soon, all DC will be (hopefully) away at college and I want it to be MY turn to do what I want after 20 years of raising our children.
As an introvert in a family for 3 extroverts, I am also seeking quiet and calmness.
I'm dreaming of driving off to Cape Cod or Nantucket for the school year once DC2 hits college in the fall ALL. BY. MYSELF.

How do I tell DH I NEED a school year by myself and this is what I am doing? THere is no discussion.

Financially we can easily handle me renting a place. I fear DH will suggest he retire and join me. UGH!

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth [b]he's earned?[/b]

You're selfish and horrible.

Giving up her career to raise THEIR children - gave her ZERO income. What is a FAIR part of HIS income, after 20+ years of marriage should be hers?

She can get alimony. No child support since the kids are grown. The courts have a way of dividing the assets based on earnings and years married and if she got a divorce instead of going off to live somewhere else by herself and expecting him to support her, she'll find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth [b]he's earned?[/b]

You're selfish and horrible.

Giving up her career to raise THEIR children - gave her ZERO income. What is a FAIR part of HIS income, after 20+ years of marriage should be hers?

She can get alimony. No child support since the kids are grown. The courts have a way of dividing the assets based on earnings and years married and if she got a divorce instead of going off to live somewhere else by herself and expecting him to support her, she'll find out.

I don't think you understand how emotionally draining being a stay at home mom can be especially when your "job" ends and you are no longer needed in the role you've had for 20+ years. OP needs time to find herself - re-energize. I wish her all the best. THIS is her mid-life crisis!

((HUGS OP)))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The bolded part saids it all, OP. Why don't you get a divorce now. Then you can go live where ever you want without fearing your DH will retire and join you.

+1

You don't love your husband, OP. It's clear. So get out of the marriage.

Oh, what's that? You want the substantial wealth [b]he's earned?[/b]

You're selfish and horrible.

Giving up her career to raise THEIR children - gave her ZERO income. What is a FAIR part of HIS income, after 20+ years of marriage should be hers?

She can get alimony. No child support since the kids are grown. The courts have a way of dividing the assets based on earnings and years married and if she got a divorce instead of going off to live somewhere else by herself and expecting him to support her, she'll find out.

Didn't quite copy right:

I don't think you understand how emotionally draining being a stay at home mom can be especially when your "job" ends and you are no longer needed in the role you've had for 20+ years. OP needs time to find herself - re-energize. I wish her all the best. THIS is her mid-life crisis!

((HUGS OP)))