DD12 missed a lot fo school this year due to stomach aches

[Anonymous]

I can't read through all the responses -- but between 2nd and 5th grade my DD had lots of stomach aches and nausea that resulted in her missing things like school or sports camp or a sports game (or her begging to miss things). For three years we basically forced her to go to whatever it was she wanted to miss. We finally got her evaluated for anxiety and it has changed her life. We used the Ross Center. I only wish we had taken her in sooner. It can't hurt to have her checked for anxiety.

[Anonymous]

It could be anxiety but I would do more medical rule outs. I was getting severe migraines at that age, often weather based. I get mine usually in the afternoon/evening and they are daily. As a teen, my mom tried to get me help and took me to many doctors but then, no one believed kids got migraines (she had mild ones). Years later I got diagnosed. Please don't ignore her or assume it is anxiety. Get her checked for anxiety, but if it is not that, get her to an allergist (as PP said, it can trigger other symptoms), a neurologist, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD, who has literally not a care in the world and zero anxiety, suffered similarly. She's actually passed out (maybe from the pain), goes ghost white and can go into a deep deep sleep for 16 hours at a stretch. We've been to every doctor and she's had every test. She's a senior in high school and it's still not good and undiagnosed. Very frustrating for sure.

Has she been tested for POTS? Has she had a sleep study?

My sympathies--same thing here (different symptoms) and it took three years to diagnose. If you post more symptoms happy to throw out more possibilities--have spent entirely too much time on the internet searching for medical stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might it be better to have a one-on-one talk with a couple selected teachers DD likes? Rather than put this in writing to all teachers, which means it could end up in her student file, draw too much attention from counseling, and maybe make teachers perceive her differently afterward?

Oh dear God thus fear of some sort of file following your child through life is ridiculous . They can't help if you don't speak up and they absolutely will keep the information confidential. They do this all the time. They are right now helping various classmates if your DC's with all sorts of issues, large and small, and you are completely unaware.

If she's missing a lot of school they've noticed. And they've seen this before, a lot. Letting them know and receiving feedback is a great idea.

And while some posters shriek at the mention of professional help, keep in the back of your mind the possibility of something larger going on. All kids complain about going to school every once in a while but it is not typical to become physically ill at the prospect of going to school.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs recommendations to start a thorough medical journal and to elicit your DDs help to treat it as a medical mystery you can solve together.

For us diffuse stomachaches turned out to be Celiac disease, but it took multiple Drs visits with a diagnosis of 'probable constipation' before one finally said 'it's probably constipation, but let's just run a bunch of tests to make sure it's not something else'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you are very sorry that she isn't feeling well (validate her feelings -- very important, otherwise she'll set out to "prove" to you she's really sick) and send her to school anyway. Tell her you will give her tea or hot cocoa or something like that when she gets home.

My DD was like this. She would do a kind of inventory of her body and latch on to something that was wrong. "I have a headache." "I don't feel well." She really would feel these things but she also really didn't want to go to school. So I developed the rule that unless she had a fever or was vomiting she had to go. And by noon she always felt better, and the mystery illnesses stopped. There doesn't have to be a reason (though my DD did have anxiety) school aversion starts small and grows.

You have already gotten her checked out by a doctor. There's nothing wrong with her. You should not be focusing on accommodations, you should be sending her to school. You've already let this go to far and its become an ingrained behavior.

Again, she really feels these things, so validate her feelings. But feelings these things serves a purpose. Don;t feed that purpose. She will only feel better when it no longer serves that purpose.

Totally agree with this. Yes, she has a stomach ache or head ache or whatever, but so what? Do you stay home from work every time you're feeling a little under the weather? Sometimes you just have to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone who responded. I like the idea of cracking down (you only stay home / visit the nurse if fever and vomiting) while simultaneously keeping an eye on the symptoms and visiting a specialist if they persist.

I do want to write to the school counselor and her teachers as well. Just to let them know that we know there is a problem, and that we are working to address it. I wouldn't want them to dismiss her as a kid who doesn't care about her grades (or has parents who don't care if she's in school or not.) Any suggestions on how to best word it?

Just send an email to counselor and nurse and say that you are concerned that DD often complains of being sick and stays home from school and you would dlike to discuss it. Ask for an appointment with the school counselor and the nurse about her excessive absences and visits to the school nurse. Explain that at first you thought being supportive would be helpful, but now your'e concerned it's exacerbating the situation. Explain that you think cracking down would be helpful, but that you first want to hear their view on the situation (i.e. if they know something you don't or see the situation differently, you are open to hearing that). If they agree, the nurse knows that you will request your DD to return to class after X amount of time. And, counselor knows to reach out to your DD and try to find out if anything else is bothering her or if there are other supports she needs (like friendship group/coaching, or time/work management help, etc.)

Counselor can advise you how to handle teachers.

[Anonymous]

Your DD could have been me in school. I missed a lot during middle school because of really bad cramps aka "my stomach hurts" and little bugs aka "I don't feel well". Elaborating beyond "I don't feel well" has always been hard for me and sometimes there were no other symptoms. Usually, if I went to school when I wasn't quite feeling well (my decision) I would end up sick with a fever a few days later. I just seem to be very in tune to my body in know when I'm coming down with something.

My parents only forced me to go to school once when I wasn't feeling well. I never made it past first period and ended up in the nurses office throwing up. Still no fever. And my teacher (who remarked that was the only day I came into the room not smiling) and my parents thought I would at least make it halfway through school.

Catching up on homework wasn't an issue. Perhaps you need to make catching up a bigger priority.

Things were better in high school. I got bc for cramps and apparently built up my immune system. I was never in the running for perfect attendance though.

[Anonymous]

Different PP, I got serious migraines during childhood regularly and my mom sent me to school anyway. It was cruel but hey, I wasn't vomiting. Who cares that I couldn't stand light or noise and felt like my there was an ice pick in my eye.

I would investigate more and make keeping up witch schoolwork more of a priority.

[Anonymous]

The reason that I've posted that OP should switch from looking for a medical cause -- she's already been to several doctors -- and focus instead on retraining her DD to push through, and therefore not increase the symptoms through hyperfocus (and, probably not incidentally miss school) is because they are so general and free floating. Migraines don't cause sore throats. Neither do GI illnesses. Sometimes its her head, sometimes her throat, sometimes her stomach. Also, when she stays home the symptoms clear up.

OP was right to go to the doctor in the first place and there's no harm in tracking diet, though I suspect its a waste of time. At this point it makes sense for OP to switch gears and push her DD through. I think talking to the counselor at school and the nurse is a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason that I've posted that OP should switch from looking for a medical cause -- she's already been to several doctors -- and focus instead on retraining her DD to push through, and therefore not increase the symptoms through hyperfocus (and, probably not incidentally miss school) is because they are so general and free floating. Migraines don't cause sore throats. Neither do GI illnesses. Sometimes its her head, sometimes her throat, sometimes her stomach. Also, when she stays home the symptoms clear up.

OP was right to go to the doctor in the first place and there's no harm in tracking diet, though I suspect its a waste of time. At this point it makes sense for OP to switch gears and push her DD through. I think talking to the counselor at school and the nurse is a great idea.

I read OP's post as saying "the" doctor, which meant to me one doctor, likely the pediatrician. Perhaps OP could clear up.

I posted about my DD, where indeed there was a medical problem that escaped the notice of both the pediatrician and me. Allergies plus blocked sinuses can indeed lead to nonspecific headaches, stomach aches, and sore throats.

I agree with putting a premium on getting her to school and pushing her through, in consultation with the counselor (another good PP idea), even though she may not feel her best (good phrase PP) but at the same time enlisting DD's help in seeing if OP and DD can crack the medical mystery together.

The way I see it, DD's complaints are still too diffuse to bother with a doctor, who will not know what to do with them. But if OP thinks something might be off--and I wouldn't discount any mother's intuition on this kind of matter--she needs to pinpoint better the symptoms that are now still too non-specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is playing you.

Very common at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason that I've posted that OP should switch from looking for a medical cause -- she's already been to several doctors -- and focus instead on retraining her DD to push through, and therefore not increase the symptoms through hyperfocus (and, probably not incidentally miss school) is because they are so general and free floating. Migraines don't cause sore throats. Neither do GI illnesses. Sometimes its her head, sometimes her throat, sometimes her stomach. Also, when she stays home the symptoms clear up.

OP was right to go to the doctor in the first place and there's no harm in tracking diet, though I suspect its a waste of time. At this point it makes sense for OP to switch gears and push her DD through. I think talking to the counselor at school and the nurse is a great idea.

I posted above about my kid's experience with anxiety, so obviously I think it could be that. But I'll also say as a parent of a child who has acid reflux and allergies (same kid), acid reflux is a GI illness that frequently leads to both sinus headaches, and and sore throat. Allergies can cause sinus issues, sore throat from post nasal drip, and GI issues.

I do think it makes sense to explore both routes. I also think it's quits possible that OP's kid is like mine, with genuine medical symptoms that are magnified by his anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is playing you.

Very common at that age.

Or any age. If I do this, my parents will do this. They get what works quickly

[Anonymous]

Middle school teacher here. OP, there's a good chance that your child's counselor doesn't have much of an idea of what is going on with your daughter, so if you are truly interested in what school personnel are seeing in your daughter, you need to contact the teachers. The counselor should be helpful in gathering this information from the teachers if you don't want to contact them all individually. That said, as a teacher, I appreciate hearing from parents, especially when they're expressing concern/trying to formulate a plan for student success and not just providing excuses or placing blame.

Good luck, OP!