DD12 missed a lot fo school this year due to stomach aches

[Anonymous]

As someone who has suffered from anxiety her entire life I will tell you that I wish someone would have suggested that anxiety was the cause of my unexplained stomaches rather than being told I was fine and to suck it up. I appreciate that my mom didn't allow me to stay home every time I didn't feel well, but it was also frustrating to feel like no one believed me.

[Anonymous]

So what are you going to do about finding a cause? Doesn't sound physical, but I'm not doctor. No evidence is not the same as "doesn't exist" so maybe it is physical. In the meanwhile, you do need to get to the bottom of this.

The school won't do much about accommodation and that plan could backfire.

I really think you need to figure out what's causing the aches, and don't pressure her about schoolwork (yes, its hard, but turns out most kids are not elite students).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't read through all the responses -- but between 2nd and 5th grade my DD had lots of stomach aches and nausea that resulted in her missing things like school or sports camp or a sports game (or her begging to miss things). For three years we basically forced her to go to whatever it was she wanted to miss. We finally got her evaluated for anxiety and it has changed her life. We used the Ross Center. I only wish we had taken her in sooner. It can't hurt to have her checked for anxiety.

Do you mind sharing what you do with/for her now that she has a diagnosis for anxiety?
or anyone else with similar behavior in their child?

[Anonymous]

This is normal crappy early teen years. Figuring out PMS, hormones, peer pressure, increased homework, more responsibility, less fun.

Not sure why everyone claims there are mental and physical things wrong with her.

If parents are letting her stay home, why not try for those mental health days a little more often? I sure would have at that age.

[Anonymous]

OP does she also have these stomach aches on the weekends? Vacations? Snow days?

My 9 year old has been feeling puny all year long. Sore throat, head aches mostly. I've been getting worried about her but you should have seen her perk up the other day when she came into my bedroom complaining of the usual than learned it was a snow day! So -- I am much less worried now.

If your daughter also complains of feeling ill on weekends or during vacations I'd think it was more troubling.

Things like Celiac disease can cause stomachaches but not usually sore throat. On the other hand, there's always the chance she could have two things going on. Sore throats can be caused by dry air/allergies/post nasal drip -- very common in the winter months.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she's not being bullied? This was me in middle school. Lots of friends but bullied by many others. I stayed home whenever I could.

[Anonymous]

OP, we went through a similar situation with our child. Long story short, we switched schools and suddenly the stomach aches stopped. I've decided DC was having a perfectly normal reaction to a high stress, overcrowded, unhappy, impersonal learning environment.

[Anonymous]

Keep loving your daughter and investigating like you are, OP. I think you're right not to just assume she's playing you. I have known people whose kids do get some weird hard-to-diagnose things. (One had a daughter miss 6 months of school. Mostly just weird exhaustion stuff.) Auto immune disorders are one the rise, and things like Chronic Fatigue are finally officially recognized. And there are things like Lyme to look out for. And a friend's young kid (8 year old) recently had mono. I wouldn't have looked out for that til they were teens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't read through all the responses -- but between 2nd and 5th grade my DD had lots of stomach aches and nausea that resulted in her missing things like school or sports camp or a sports game (or her begging to miss things). For three years we basically forced her to go to whatever it was she wanted to miss. We finally got her evaluated for anxiety and it has changed her life. We used the Ross Center. I only wish we had taken her in sooner. It can't hurt to have her checked for anxiety.

Do you mind sharing what you do with/for her now that she has a diagnosis for anxiety?
or anyone else with similar behavior in their child?

I am 12:41. First, she saw a psychologist for about a year, who used CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy). That made a significant difference. About a year or so into it that therapist recommended that DD also see a psychiatrist to see if some medication would help DD access the coping tools even more effectively. DD did wind up going on an small dose of Prozac. Apparently for this age group, CBT and meds together are more helpful than either alone in treating anxiety. We really resisted the concept of meds for such a young person, but now I'm sorry we didn't get her treated sooner. DD is doing wonderfully well. She sees the CBT therapist every 8 weeks or so, and the psychiatrist every 3 months or so, to check in.

I will add that it was our pediatrician who originally recommended that we seek treatment for DD's anxiety, based on the frequent stomach aches. She said that it would be a gift to our child to help her learn to control her anxiety, and that it would be better to start now than when she was a teenager, because younger children are often more willing to engage with the therapist.

Good luck to you and your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1. Fever over 100.5 or vomiting confirmed by parent, and you get to stay home.

Even when you get to stay home, there is no TV or screen time. And, you have to be working on the homework or classwork that you are missing in school.

I am having a REALLY hard time reconciling these two rigid yet extreme policies of yours.

Last time I had a fever of over a 100 or was vomiting regularly, I was in no condition to work.

Why the hell would you ban screen time for a legitimately sick child? That's so ridiculous. You sound like an asshole parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't read through all the responses -- but between 2nd and 5th grade my DD had lots of stomach aches and nausea that resulted in her missing things like school or sports camp or a sports game (or her begging to miss things). For three years we basically forced her to go to whatever it was she wanted to miss. We finally got her evaluated for anxiety and it has changed her life. We used the Ross Center. I only wish we had taken her in sooner. It can't hurt to have her checked for anxiety.

Do you mind sharing what you do with/for her now that she has a diagnosis for anxiety?
or anyone else with similar behavior in their child?

I am 12:41. First, she saw a psychologist for about a year, who used CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy). That made a significant difference. About a year or so into it that therapist recommended that DD also see a psychiatrist to see if some medication would help DD access the coping tools even more effectively. DD did wind up going on an small dose of Prozac. Apparently for this age group, CBT and meds together are more helpful than either alone in treating anxiety. We really resisted the concept of meds for such a young person, but now I'm sorry we didn't get her treated sooner. DD is doing wonderfully well. She sees the CBT therapist every 8 weeks or so, and the psychiatrist every 3 months or so, to check in.

I will add that it was our pediatrician who originally recommended that we seek treatment for DD's anxiety, based on the frequent stomach aches. She said that it would be a gift to our child to help her learn to control her anxiety, and that it would be better to start now than when she was a teenager, because younger children are often more willing to engage with the therapist.

Good luck to you and your DD.

12:41 again - I should add that DD stopped having the mystery stomach aches once she started seeing the psychologist. She pretty quickly learned to identify her anxiety symptoms and she'd start using her CBT tools to address the anxiety. It's been a really long time since she's had a stomach ache or thrown up due to anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. Fever over 100.5 or vomiting confirmed by parent, and you get to stay home.

Even when you get to stay home, there is no TV or screen time. And, you have to be working on the homework or classwork that you are missing in school.

I am having a REALLY hard time reconciling these two rigid yet extreme policies of yours.

Last time I had a fever of over a 100 or was vomiting regularly, I was in no condition to work.

Why the hell would you ban screen time for a legitimately sick child? That's so ridiculous. You sound like an asshole parent.

Obviously, I'm not making DC work 24/7 when she is sick. If she is really throwing up more than once or running a high fever, she can sleep or relax or read or listen to music.

If she's not throwing up and not running a high fever, she can do something to keep up with school. Read. Make a few notes. Do a few math problems. Otherwise, DC falls behind and it is even harder to go back to school.

I can't remember the last time I was so sick that I was really incapable of doing absolutely anything.

Besides, we don't have a lot of screen time in our house anyway. So, it's not like I'm taking away something that DC gets all the time. Nor is it like DC gets a special privilege just because DC's sick.

BTW, you sound like a pretty judgmental jerk to me!